New fella watches a lot of porn and I don’t look like the women on them.

[Inexperiencedinthis]

I’m not very experienced when it comes to men. I’ve had long term boyfriends before and was engaged but not experienced in this part, maybe it was always kept from me.

My new guy I know watches a lot of porn and from what I can see likes big boobs, like that kind of typical pornographic image. This is not me, I’m only like a 30D, given the small back size it’s not big at all, and I’ve lost weight so smaller then I’ve ever been.

Do all men watch a lot of porn? I’m not really like the women on the videos and I’m unsure what he is seeing in me. I’m a bit quite, but kooky apparently, size 8, no real curves. Perhaps I’m just putting myself down. I’m just thinking what’s he looking at when he sees me, it’s not those women with big boobs and curves.

Putting aside ethical issues I think most women by the time they get to late 40s 50s have experienced partners who have been secretive with porn and had more than a casual relationship with it .
For some women this may not be an issue but for many it is . I know for me even before I had learnt about the issues with the industry , it did cause me to see the partner in a different light , to lose respect for him and basically kill a lot of the sexual attraction for him . I would have sex because it was expected and it met some type of need within me for closeness but there was disquiet and hurt deep within me When I experienced these relationships I was younger , less confident to speak up and had pretty much listened to the messages that men just liked to look and it was harmless . Inside it felt wrong to me but my partner at the time would never have known I had an issue with it . In fact I would say it was no problem so long as it didn’t effect our sex lives . Even if questioned I would have held fights to thag view rather than seen ‘difficult ‘ or ‘pudish ‘ as these are the labels I learnt were always given to wome who didn’t go along with what men liked sexually

@yetmorecrap it sounds like you could do with tackling the issue with your husband, and I do agree that if you have talked about your boundaries and he is deliberately flouting them then he is being unreasonable. But there are people out there who are fine with it, each to their own as long as couples are on the same page. When we find our partners don't share our values that's when things get difficult.

Its interesting you say about 50% as a figure because judging by Mumsnet alone it seems more like the majority are against it. Your estimate is probably correct just thinking about my social circle, yet on here the porn haters seem to have a far louder and much more nasty voice, resorting to rule breaking on threads quite quickly. That was really what i was talking about, I wasn't really intending to get into the rights and wrongs of it all. I just feel that Mumsnet absolutely lives up to its vipers nickname on certain topics like porn, teachers, lockdown, masks etc. You can utter certain keywords here and all hell breaks loose instantly and any semblance of reasonable discussion is lost. Obviously not tarring everyone with the same brush before I get jumped on, we are generalising here not dissecting the character of every single poster. But there are regular recognisable members of the circuit who you can rely on to compete for the most controversial attention in threads.

@mrsmigginsmate , being new here I am not aware of these ‘vipers ‘ you mentions however going off of this thread I would actually say it’s the ones who have been anti porn who have maintained respect despite being goaded, labelled and had their opinions invalidated
After spending some time reading through a few of the other porn threads here and of course my experience on this one. It seems to me that the reason you may assume the ‘porn haters are louder ‘ is more about the fact that they are marginalised , called insecure and leftist and they actually have to be very succinct and precise in what they write, lest they be torn down and minimised by those who are pro porn unfortunately

To clarify @brushandcomb, 'vipers' is not my name for these people. It is a name that a lot of mumsnetters love to use for themselves for some strange reason. Why it's considered a good thing to be a viper I have no idea.

And I disagree with your assessment. Perhaps it is as you say because you haven't been here long. I have resisted making an account for many years, so although my account is new, I'm not, and women who either watch, are comfortable with, perform in, produce or defend different types of porn in any way are definitely piled on and drowned out on Mumsnet, yet in real life it seems to be the other way around. Not saying that's excusable IRL either. Discussion should be balanced and fair both on and offline.

Ok sorry I misunderstood and didn’t realise people call themselves vipers .
Yes we will need to agree to disagree on the second point . I’ve just seen too many women speak out against porn being labelled uptight , insecure etc even after reading threads over the last few days . But as you say it’s right that people conduct themselves in respectful ways , both sides both here and in real life . In that way we all benefit from each other’s knowledge and opinions

I by the way have no problem if couples are ‘on the same page’ have agreed on what’s ok and aware of the score- I have a big problem with guys hiding it and getting craftier when the discussions have been had in the past. I don’t like the industry but even more of an issue is it totally turns me off someone emotionally/sexually if they hide it, pretend they aren’t into it, and are cracking away to it the minute you are out the door —

Yeah and then it got me thinking I wonder what he searches for and whether it’s weird or aggressive or really hardcore. I would be ok if it was nice normal stuff but doubt it. Then doesn’t it become the case that loving gentle sex with real person becomes boring and tame.

I guess that’s too personal a question to ask what they looking up

Lol I suggest you go take a look at some of the mainstream sites or if you know the sites he’s busting and make your own decisions about what they show

And please note I didn’t lol at you’re hurt . That’s nothing to laugh at but rather at the thought of a man actually sharing the sites they visit . In my experience if they are doing this in secret they are highly unlikely to be forthcoming with the information
The secretiveness can be incredibly damaging

Don’t worry I’m not hurt, I’m not emotionally attached, there isn’t much to do at this moment in time so a bit of sex is a nice change. Not saying it will be anything else. At least he actually has a sex drive in like me last one.

@Inexperiencedinthis

Sorry for the info but yesterday he was sent a video by a friend of a women on an exercise bike and a dildo was going up her a**. I really didn’t want to see it, why show me that. What is he thinking when feeling me, I can’t help but think is this normal, am I over reacting.

Op I dealt with this shit with all the sleezy men men my partner worked with . From his boss of all people . Happily married with children . The videos were worse and some violent . I seen one or two . He would never show me but I seen them as he opened one . He then started getting shady with his phone and then changed his pin code . He knows how much I hate porn . Obviously liked watching the videos and didn't want me to see . Also the stuff they were saying about them. Laughing thinking they were so funny . Well I lost the plot . Kicked him out and said if he receives one more he would be gone . Well he did 😂 so this time I actually left . He was devastated and put a stop to it . He's not took part in their degrading childish antics since . Not saying he's not going to again but then that's his choice. But he won't be with me if he does x

OP - I am not sure what the point do this thread is.
By your account you are currently meeting up with a FWB. You state again and again that you are not emotionally attached, and that there isn’t ‘much to do and a bit of sex is nice’.
In that setup your need to discuss and judge his masturbation seems odd and controlling. He can watch the kind of porn he likes, rather than the kind you approve of.
He isn’t hiding it from you because he doesn’t need to. You aren’t in a relationship and there hasn’t been any boundaries set up or crossed.

You are different from women on MN who have been in a long relationships where porn had affected their sex life, where there actually been crossed boundaries, etc.

The post seems to be more focused on you and how you would like him to watch porn with other body types do that YOU don’t feel bad about your breast size.

But at this point you seem OK to use him for a bit of lockdown distraction anyway.
His purpose in life isn’t to prop your self esteem.

I don't get why the video of the woman on the exercise bike with the dildo would make you feel unsafe and insecure. Insecure maybe, but unsafe!?