New fella watches a lot of porn and I don’t look like the women on them.

[Inexperiencedinthis]

I’m not very experienced when it comes to men. I’ve had long term boyfriends before and was engaged but not experienced in this part, maybe it was always kept from me.

My new guy I know watches a lot of porn and from what I can see likes big boobs, like that kind of typical pornographic image. This is not me, I’m only like a 30D, given the small back size it’s not big at all, and I’ve lost weight so smaller then I’ve ever been.

Do all men watch a lot of porn? I’m not really like the women on the videos and I’m unsure what he is seeing in me. I’m a bit quite, but kooky apparently, size 8, no real curves. Perhaps I’m just putting myself down. I’m just thinking what’s he looking at when he sees me, it’s not those women with big boobs and curves.

@YouShouldLeave

I get that a lot. Mostly, I think, because I often don’t see things the same way mainstream MN sees things.
On porn specifically - I don’t see an issue unless it’s obsessive and affects the couple’s sex life.

Why is it that the outraged feminista think that a man watching porn equates to a misogynistic, disturbed man who has no respect for women?
And why is it that it is assumed every woman who appears in these films is coerced or abused?
There is a thing such as ethical porn. In fact there are now many films produced by women for women.
I have a DW who I love very dearly. She knows that I occasionally use porn but has no interest in it herself. It doesn't make me any less loving or desirous of her. She rocks my boat and my world and I would never change her for the world.
The answer is honesty and you only get honesty when the other person doesn't feel like they are being attacked when you talk to them.
OP if you really want to know what your BF thinks then ask him. You can always find a way to raise the subject without confronting him about porn.
Just remember though sometimes if you don't think you'll like the answer then don't ask the question.

If you looked like a porn actress would you question whether he likes you for you or just the way you look?

Yes ' ethical' porn does exist, but I doubt most men would seek it out in the moment, or pay for it. So likelyhood is they are on xhamster or pornhub which has very questionable stuff if you want it.
OP, I think regarding figures of the women, he'd be hard pushed to find someone with your physique - it might be out there, all tastes catered for and all that, but generally you get women with implants who are various ranges of big to massive. It's the fad at the moment, that's in everyday culture, not just porn, loads of women have them done.
I suppose if he's specifically looking up 'women with large baps' that maybe would make you wonder.
My current BF watches porn, he's quite open about it and believes in the 80%, do 20% lie, that's trotted out by every man that watches porn - funny that, as I've met a few who don't.
I don't love it, but realistically, a lot of men use it - daily I'd say in his case ( it's a fair amount). I don't watch it as such, have come across it for various reasons. I'm not there when he's doing it, so I don't dwell on it. How he behaves generally to me and to women, is more important. From what he's told me, it's when he's bored or relaxing, or having a wank.

As others have said, as long as you are happy with your relationship in general, and your sex life in particular, you should not worry about his porn use on a practical level. You may worry about it ethically, that is a slightly different issue. But most men who use porn - and most men do - also have loving and satisfying sex lives with their DP.

As others have asked, how are you so familiar with exactly what type of women he's looking at?
He's got pictures of them on his social media, you say? He's posting multiple pictures of porn on his social media? Or he's following them on his social media?
How do you know, after 10 months, how often he watches porn? Does he tell you? Sit watching it in front of you?
Not exactly discreet, by the sound of it?

@RLEOM

As long as he's not addicted, then it's not a bad thing.

An addict will:

Have erection problems after the novelty of his new woman (you) has worn off.

He'll search for women online to look at, including friends on Facebook and Instagram.

He'll probably pay for porn but will blame lack of money on other things.

He'll be looking up porn or women at unusual times, like when he's on the toilet.

He'll be searching for porn based around an actress he's seen in a film or on TV.

He'll probably be selfish in bed and pay little attention to your body once the novelty wears off.

He'll struggle to cum - this is known as the death grip because they're used to wanking.

You'll start to feel like you don't exist. Like you're not good enough. You'll feel it.

Lastly, there's little you can do to fix him. Don't stay in a relationship with a porn addict hoping they'll change. Many women waste their lives not feeling good enough in the hope the addiction will stop, but it rarely does, and the woman is left feeling broken and unattractive.

Having spent way too long with a porn (PORK! 🐖 😂) addict myself, this is a fantastic summary of the issues and signs to look out for.

Ok

Pressed too soon. We got into a conversation before getting together about something and he said he watched it b4 bedtime to relax him. He has shown me some images of other things on his phone and in the process of scrolling I’ve seen pictures he has been sent of women. I know he is a boobs guy. They aren’t natural pictures of women, they are stylised porn images. I just hope he isn’t settling with me because of the virus and it’s easy at the moment.

I wouldn't be too impressed by someone who shared a load of porn pictures with his mates and then just nonchalantly kept them in with pictures he was showing me. It all sounds a bit tacky and oafish.

If your not ok with it, that's fine and up to you. Personally, I deplore the sex industry and couldn't be with a man who was into porn or the sex industry in any sense. The idea that ALL men watch porn, is frankly bollocks. My DP doesn't watch porn as an active choice. Not that he has never been exposed to porn in his life, but that he doesn't seek it out or use it, because, sure, while ethical porn may exist, most of it is not and how do you know if porn you are watching involves coerced or trafficked women or not. Personally I think porn reinforces disturbed and misogynistic views about women and sex generally.

@ravenmum

I wouldn't be too impressed by someone who shared a load of porn pictures with his mates and then just nonchalantly kept them in with pictures he was showing me. It all sounds a bit tacky and oafish.

Agree. That's the grim bit really, if that's how OP saw all these pictures.

This is very weird...
I mean, I think every guy watches porn at some point, but that should be away from you and you shouldn't see that. If you're home and he's comfortable doing that, this is just wrong.
Also, please STOP COMPARING YOU TO PORN STARS. Like seriously. You said you'll never be like them, but why would you???? Real women are real!! If this guy wants a barbie with big tits, let him go. He's not worthy of your time, girl! Love yourself and value yourself, or no one else will.

@firewalkeruk

Why is it that the outraged feminista think that a man watching porn equates to a misogynistic, disturbed man who has no respect for women? And why is it that it is assumed every woman who appears in these films is coerced or abused? There is a thing such as ethical porn. In fact there are now many films produced by women for women. I have a DW who I love very dearly. She knows that I occasionally use porn but has no interest in it herself. It doesn't make me any less loving or desirous of her. She rocks my boat and my world and I would never change her for the world. The answer is honesty and you only get honesty when the other person doesn't feel like they are being attacked when you talk to them. OP if you really want to know what your BF thinks then ask him. You can always find a way to raise the subject without confronting him about porn. Just remember though sometimes if you don't think you'll like the answer then don't ask the question.

Firewalkeruk, I’d like to ask you a few questions

You say it’s possible to watch ethical porn . Whilst I agree it is in theory possible and have no issue with nudity or sex per we how do you in fact ensure that the porn you consume IS ETHICAL considering that the mainstream sites have a long recorded history of underage , coerced ( yes I used that word ) and treating women as objects for men’s use . Are you aware that around 90 percent of mainstream porn display women being called degrading names , spat on slapped etc. It’s simply not possible to support these sites and claim one is using ethical porn . So I’m assuming you don’t right ? And if you do how do you garantee in your own head that your supporting a sure where none of them are underage ?

If you use amateur porn how do you ensure your supporting sites where women ( and yea it’s majority women this happens to ) are not posted without consent considering the huge issues currently happening internationally around revenge porn and women’s videos and pictures being posted after break ups ?

Both these things happen on both paid and unpaid sites .
Lastly . Are you aware that a being a Gemini at is simply being someone who believes men and women are entitled to the same rights and treatment and respect . Why do you consider this a negative thing and something you use to attempt to insult such as ‘outraged feminists ?

I’ve both seen porn and gone into the reasons why it’s ‘ethics ‘ are questionable . I suggest you do the same as you seem to have formed most of your views simply from your enjoyment of watching it and don’t seem to have any understanding of actual hatred of women that IS shown in much of porn .

OP I think your instincts are trying to tell you this isn’t what you want. You can ignore them or listen to them.

What you’re describing is such a turn off for me that I couldn’t even kiss him again. I love sex for the connection and intimacy, and for me, porn goes in the total opposite direction to that. I need someone on the same page about sex as me.

I would also feel very uncomfortable about it like you do.
He would have to stop (unlikely) or I would definitely dump him.

Perhaps he'd get a bit of an insight in to how you feel. If you make him aware that you've been watching 'Monster Cock' porn.

OP, there are more porn threads on MN than I've had hot dinners and you can find a wide range of responses in them. As another male perspective, I'm just going to pick up on one thing:

You're waaaay off beam in your understanding of men and porn if you're concerned about the fact that the women he looks at don't look like you. As has already been mentioned, people can have a range of tastes. But more importantly, watching porn and having actual sex with a real living person are different activities. That's why (contrary to what some would have you believe) there are plenty of people who have strong, mutually satisfying sex lives within their relationship at the same time as watching porn outside of it.

There are a million facets to the experience of having sex with someone that aren't there when watching porn - personality, relationship, touch, smell, environment etc. In porn the pure visual stimulus has to carry the entire experience, effectively making up for the lack of those things. That's probably why a lot of porn is so stylised, with unrealistically big boobs, unrealistically horny women etc. It's honestly useless to then start trying to draw direct one-to-one parallels between individual characteristics and wonder why that process fails.

It's obviously a problem when men have difficulty distinguishing the two and approach their real sexual relationship with objectivising, coercion etc. But it doesn't sound from your description like he's doing that.

[quote firewalkeruk]@inexperiencedinthis, feeling insecure isn't just a female thing and it isn't something to just brush under the carpet either.
The guys in many of these films are very well endowed with six packs and who seem to cum in large amounts of thick white goo.
I consider myself to be average size down there but my emissions aren't creamy white. Hopefully not TMI but as you see we can all feel inferior compared to porn (pork).
I also have a deep dread of losing my DW to some rich, handsome lothario but Mrs Firewalker has put up with me for almost 37 years so I must be doing something right.
We all have insecurities but you have to live in the real world and deal with what the dear lord gave you.[/quote]
Also it is MAINLY a women who’s bodies are the focus of pornography. Take a look at any porn sure and women are broken into literally hundreds of categories according to size age ethnicity , breast size , hair colour, motherhood , the list goes on and on and on . Men on the other hand may have a catogiry for big c..me and gay .
Cameras predominately focus on the females body qbd face and often don’t even show them and face !
Your comments only further high flight how little you understand the complete double standard and how this impacts many women
Sure some women may not kind but clearly the op and many others are hurt and rightfully so
Although there are women who watch porn there are many who don’t and it would be quite easy for a man to find a relationship with a woman who didn’t have a liking for it. Yet the opposite seems very hard . Most men seem to feel it’s some type of birth right and a woman finding a man who doesn’t watch it is another story . So please if your feeling insecure firewalkeuruk turn off the porn and find one of the many many women who don’t watch it

@brushandcomb, ok so you have now officially lectured me and I'm sure your feeling very smug.
I don't pretend that I can verify the age and status of every woman in a film. If I feel that someone is too young or coerced or hurt in a film I will, and have report it.
I do try and watch films made by recognised producers or companies such as Brazzers etc who have to follow the law when making adult movies.
Maybe it's my age but I would rather not lie to myself or others about who or what I am, if this means someone like you wants to see me as sleazy then fine I'm never going to change your mind anyway.
As for others who say they have or had relationships with men who don't use porn, well maybe that's true but I stand by what I said. The lefty/liberal sanctimonious, smug, polically correct men who tell their OH they never use porn are the worst of liars. They are the same type as the Pastor who preaches duty and devotion on Sunday but is screwing a member of the congregation.
I have lived long enough to know how humans think, especially men.

OP I think it just matters how he treats you and how you feel about him in your gut. I’ve dated a lot of guys, most have watched porn, some have been lovely to me, some horrible. My DP does, but then so do I sometimes. We agree that masturbation is normal and private so there’s no need to go into details! I certainly wouldn’t want him seeing what goes through my head/on the screen and vice versa. As long as it’s nothing illegal and it’s not an addiction/affect the relationship it doesn’t bother me.
Also- men just like looking at pretty women, I think it’s that simple. Doesn’t mean he fancies you less. Just as I fancy loads of people but my DP is the one I’ve chosen because I fancy him AND he’s a great person.

[quote firewalkeruk]@brushandcomb, ok so you have now officially lectured me and I'm sure your feeling very smug.
I don't pretend that I can verify the age and status of every woman in a film. If I feel that someone is too young or coerced or hurt in a film I will, and have report it.
I do try and watch films made by recognised producers or companies such as Brazzers etc who have to follow the law when making adult movies.
Maybe it's my age but I would rather not lie to myself or others about who or what I am, if this means someone like you wants to see me as sleazy then fine I'm never going to change your mind anyway.
As for others who say they have or had relationships with men who don't use porn, well maybe that's true but I stand by what I said. The lefty/liberal sanctimonious, smug, polically correct men who tell their OH they never use porn are the worst of liars. They are the same type as the Pastor who preaches duty and devotion on Sunday but is screwing a member of the congregation.
I have lived long enough to know how humans think, especially men.[/quote]
@firewalkeruk Yet another assumption from you , no I don’t feel smug . I feel sad . Sad that these are things you wouldnt already have recognised and even sadder that you think brazzers ( one of the worst ) is an ethical source of porn.
Ultimately you make your choices . If you feel that reporting an individual video is enough whilst supporting the company and industry through viewing their material then nothing I say will change that self serving view
I’ve also lived long enough on this planet a good half century to know a few things. I’m sorry you like to label and dismiss my views but I will never sit back and think that a persons sexual gratification is more important than women and girls safety or dignity

@brushandcomb. Really all I was trying to do was reassure the OP but you seem to have made this forum a crusade against me in particular.
Do you eat meat? Do you wear leather or sit on it? Did you breastfeed your children? Are you an Antivaxer? I'm sure you life is perfect. I didn't choose to ignore your views, I responded to you after all.
I will not however be browbeaten by anyone, man, woman or whatever identity you care to declare.
As one of my hero's once said, and I paraphrase, "let they without sin cast the first stone."
Maybe it would be better we agree to differ and stop hijacking this thread.

Op I hate porn and would up and leave my partner of ten years if I found out he had been watching it . It's gross. Get rid of him your worth way more than losing your confidence for some slime ball man 🤢 x

[quote firewalkeruk]@brushandcomb. Really all I was trying to do was reassure the OP but you seem to have made this forum a crusade against me in particular.
Do you eat meat? Do you wear leather or sit on it? Did you breastfeed your children? Are you an Antivaxer? I'm sure you life is perfect. I didn't choose to ignore your views, I responded to you after all.
I will not however be browbeaten by anyone, man, woman or whatever identity you care to declare.
As one of my hero's once said, and I paraphrase, "let they without sin cast the first stone."
Maybe it would be better we agree to differ and stop hijacking this thread.[/quote]
No firewalkeruk you attempted to minimise porn and her feelings through making out it’s no big deal
As for your questions no I don’t eat meat yes I breastfed and yes I vaccinate ! I attempt to live my life as close as I can to my values . If your her is who I imagine then maybe you could do the same
As for hijacking the thread , on that yes I’ll agree , let’s agree to disagree