New fella watches a lot of porn and I don’t look like the women on them.

[Inexperiencedinthis]

I’m not very experienced when it comes to men. I’ve had long term boyfriends before and was engaged but not experienced in this part, maybe it was always kept from me.

My new guy I know watches a lot of porn and from what I can see likes big boobs, like that kind of typical pornographic image. This is not me, I’m only like a 30D, given the small back size it’s not big at all, and I’ve lost weight so smaller then I’ve ever been.

Do all men watch a lot of porn? I’m not really like the women on the videos and I’m unsure what he is seeing in me. I’m a bit quite, but kooky apparently, size 8, no real curves. Perhaps I’m just putting myself down. I’m just thinking what’s he looking at when he sees me, it’s not those women with big boobs and curves.

"I have had a relationship with porn since my early teens"

• boak 🤮

"I have been derided for my fixation on the quantity of my semen"

• boak x2

@Inexperiencedinthis

I guess my thread just goes to show the consequences of porn and how it can make some women feel about themselves. If it was natural real life consensual sex on the videos it wouldn’t be so bad. But I don’t understand why the majority of it is quite ugly. Some of it is just abuse.

I think if people watch enough porn actresses (who they forget are real living, breathing women) doing things that are uncomfortable, painful and / or degrading, those things become normalised and they think they are par for the course in real life relationships. It's really sad to see happen and I don't blame you for being uncomfortable with some having a porn habit if it makes you feel upset, insecure etc. It's not your responsibility to become OK with someone who wants to do that stuff - you're well within your rights to consider it as something that makes you incompatible. I'm sure some women are genuinely fine with it and that's their prerogative, it means they can set the boundaries of their own relationships. But you aren't being unreasonable to not want to be with someone who doesn't share your values

Seriously, who are these men? I honestly think being single is better?

Oh, and a shame port isn't vegan, I like a drop now and then. Especially at Christmas.

Don't stay in a relationship that makes you feel insecure.

If you are bothered by his constant use of porn and you are starting to questioning how attractive you are, it just means you are not with the right person.

@Namechanged1122

Seriously, who are these men? I honestly think being single is better?

Oh, and a shame port isn't vegan, I like a drop now and then. Especially at Christmas.

Some ports are vegan! I need to do a bit of research into which ones and where you can get them though

It's not your responsibility to become OK with someone who wants to do that stuff - you're well within your rights to consider it as something that makes you incompatible.

This man of course wants you to be okay with his porn habit.
You don't have to be.

@Harmarsuperstar Ah, good I'll have to have a look myself - there are lots of vegan rose's too if you like wine 🙂

I'm a woman and watch a tiny but if porn every now and again, but it's not a big thing. I think akmeo e who watched it a lot or who could only masturbate using porn etc would put me off.

I am starting another thread on relationships in which I would like to discuss some of the issues raised on this thread.
I am very interested to explore the female attitude towards men and our sexual habits and try and determine if there is as large a disparity as I have observed here.
I am especially motivated by Namechanged1122's attitude towards my posts,
If you feel that you are willing to engage in an adult debate please feel free to join me or not it's up to you.

@firewalkeruk I'm not.

I knew it!! I didn't have to scroll for long to find the same names coming out of the woodwork on this one. Haven't read all of the thread as that put me off, so I'm sorry I don't have any specific advice but I will say.....Be aware there are a select few posters on Mumsnet who love to get their teeth into this subject and their views aren't exactly mainstream. Try and find advice from real world friends, people who you like and trust who have the same values as you so you know it's balanced. Mumsnet can be batshit when it comes to this stuff honestly.

[quote Namechanged1122]@firewalkeruk I'm not.[/quote]
😂👍 don't blame you!!

Yes there seem to be lots of vegan wines now, I can usually find something. Aldi seem good. Have you seen the website 'barnivore' ? It's a UK database of vegan alcohol

@Namechanged1122, respect your choice but not your attitude towards a fellow human.

@Harmarsuperstar ah, not heard of that - I'll have a look, thanks. There are a few nice blossom hill style rose's around, I can live without white wine.. I think most red wines are ok.

Bourneville chocolate fingers are my favourite vegan snack at the moment.

@firewalkeruk

I am starting another thread on relationships in which I would like to discuss some of the issues raised on this thread. I am very interested to explore the female attitude towards men and our sexual habits and try and determine if there is as large a disparity as I have observed here. I am especially motivated by Namechanged1122's attitude towards my posts, If you feel that you are willing to engage in an adult debate please feel free to join me or not it's up to you.

I already have a mental list of the posters who will turn up for the drama of this. Honestly it's pointless on Mumsnet, both sides get heated and it descends into name calling pretty quickly. I don't know what it is about this particular topic but people really lose their heads.

no matter how strong an opinion anyone else has that you should always respect debate and be able to agree to disagree without the need to score points of off another person

@firewalkeruk. I just scrolled back to see what all the kerfuffle was about and laughed out loud when I read this. You are absolutely in the wrong corner of the internet if you're want sensible dscussions like that. I've learned to take Mumsnet with a massive pinch of salt. Its like any social media I suppose, the moderates don't speak up as much and it all gets overtaken by the ones with the loudest and most extreme views. I'm not commenting on the rights of wrongs of your posts here, I have no interest in getting into all that. But it did make me chuckle to think that Mumsnet could be anything other than a 'pit of vipers' (as a lot of its members love to describe themselves).

Get rid you’ll never match up to the porn women, please don’t stay with this for the rest of your life. Your worth better than this.

Reading your responses suggests to me that you are best off ending the relationship. I would not be surprised if after a few months more he starts wanting things in the bedroom you are very uncomfortable with.

@firewalkeruk , Yes all that was find until ....../you continue to label women who dislike porn as ‘ the far left ‘ and intolerant
Perhaps it’s times to consider that we have valid points qbd that porn IS in fact degrading to women and intensely subjects women’s bodies to scrutiny evaluation and judgment I a way it simply doesn’t for men , this leading many women to feel insecure . These are VAlid feelings and you need to stop labeling those of us who disagree with all these labels you seem to have in your mind towards women who won’t agree that men are somehow entitled to watch porn and it’s not damaging to women

I think sort out your own genuine feelings on this..makes you feel insecure? Makes you doubt your attractiveness? Question whether he is addicted or just been single a while, whether he will carry on if you become a couple, how does he feel about it, how do both of you feel about female exploitation, can you live with it, will he stop, will he lie to you and carry on and if so, would that be it?

An honest conversation is needed, and take it from there

firewalkeruk , I’d make only this suggestion. If your planning to start your own thread .

• Try to begin by eliminating the assumption that women who disagree are outraged feminists

-avoiding constant labels like’ far left ‘ -Try not to make assumptions that we all watch love stories

• perhaps research the actual literal and studies on the porn industry Professor Gail dines is a place to start

And lastly I’d add to remember thag the internet ( and society is predominately quite a pro porn place . Women who raise objections have been and are routinely marginalised and told they are crazy feminist or insecure , depending what their issues with porn is .
No different to how many people on the past who raised objections to social issues have been . You will be speaking from a platform where society in general and the way the world is run will support you in blocking your ears to those women . It will be up to you whether your post becomes a crusade for furthering you sense of entitlement and power that you have shown here or truly expanding your mind and understanding why many women would take issue with porn

My personal feeling and something Firewalker might want to take into account is that, yes many men do watch this stuff- a lot- some women too- however the big issue is a lot of men aren’t honest at all about it knowing full well their partners wouldnt be ok with it. We are all entitled to boundaries in a relationship be it gambling, boozing, drugs or porn and most of us have a reasonable expectation if in a monogamous committed relationship of knowing what your partners boundaries and ethics are— it doesn’t matter if you are ‘lefty’ , in the centre or a rabid right winger- I will be frank, my husband has a secretive issue with porn- not occasional either , multiple times a week, most days, and doesn’t know I know- but I do—- it has devalued him in my eyes because he is indeed ‘a bit right on’ , if asked would say it was very occasional and personally it’s put me off him sexually — because he can’t be honest (he knows my feelings on the subject very well) and he’s an utter hypocrite. On a personal level I still care, I like him most of the time, we get on well, but it’s certainly affected attraction and sex life and I find it totally lacking in integrity. It’s all very well
Mrsmiggins going on about it as if we are just a load of moaning Minnie’s— it kills some relationships. The fact is I would estimate 50% of women over 35 aren’t ok with it as anything other than ‘very occasional’ maybe younger women are less bothered as they have grown up with it being ‘the norm’

Yes I agree @yetmorecrap knowing he watched that video of the women on the bike and it’s been shared amongst his friends did devalue him in my mind, it’s disgusting, hardly want to be staring lovingly into his eyes and feel safe and secure during sex knowing that.