New fella watches a lot of porn and I don’t look like the women on them.

[Inexperiencedinthis]

I’m not very experienced when it comes to men. I’ve had long term boyfriends before and was engaged but not experienced in this part, maybe it was always kept from me.

My new guy I know watches a lot of porn and from what I can see likes big boobs, like that kind of typical pornographic image. This is not me, I’m only like a 30D, given the small back size it’s not big at all, and I’ve lost weight so smaller then I’ve ever been.

Do all men watch a lot of porn? I’m not really like the women on the videos and I’m unsure what he is seeing in me. I’m a bit quite, but kooky apparently, size 8, no real curves. Perhaps I’m just putting myself down. I’m just thinking what’s he looking at when he sees me, it’s not those women with big boobs and curves.

OP apologies if my previous thought on porn have hijacked your thread . I feel that the invalidation of women’s feelings in this is one of the major issues and hence why I k against it
However on a more personal level I would add that it’s not something you have to tolerate . It is totally legitimate and valid for yoh to have whatever feelings you have about your partner using porn . If he were doing . I absolutely do believe that the use ( and it is use ) of a never ending array of attractive women at the top of a mans fingertips leads to discontent . There’s actually research to show that porn use leads men’s to rate their partners as less attractive after viewing it That study did not interestingly find the same when asking women to rate their partners attractiveness after viewing male porn stars . Perhaps the difference in how men and women are typically portrayed in porn . I truly think women who don’t believe it impact on how a man views them and women In everyday life are naive . If he’s doing it now it’s unlikely he will stop and if you protest he will probably go underground as others have suggested . If only gets worse as they get older
It seems totally absurd to pretend that men in their 50s masterbating to girls the age of their daughters are not then looking at and imagining their daughters friends in the same way . For some women this may not bother them but for many of us this is beyond sickening . These men are no catch

@brushandcomb, I have NOT tried to minimise Porn as you state. I gave my advice from MY perspective and told the OP that she did not have to tolerate anything she was uncomfortable with. This is exactly the same advice offered by many of the commenter on the thread. Other commenter have stated that they use Porn, both male and female commenters, and you have not gone after them with the same fervor that you have pursued me.
You have purposely quoted my posts as a illustration of my transgressions, in your view and have made statements that in no way reflect my views.
I believe that you are so trapped by your world view that you can't accept that any view which differs from your can possibly be valid.
Many of the intolerant on here have told the OP to dump her OH as they would never tolerate his behaviour. The OP seems to be OK with his habits but is concerned that she doesn't measure up. I would say it is up to her to decide how she moves forward.
As for me this is absolutely my last post on this thread and I will leave you to have the 'satisfaction' of the last word.

@ravenmum

I wouldn't be too impressed by someone who shared a load of porn pictures with his mates and then just nonchalantly kept them in with pictures he was showing me. It all sounds a bit tacky and oafish.

I think I would throw this guy back . There's other men out there who don't do this. Yuck.

[quote firewalkeruk]@brushandcomb, ok so you have now officially lectured me and I'm sure your feeling very smug.
I don't pretend that I can verify the age and status of every woman in a film. If I feel that someone is too young or coerced or hurt in a film I will, and have report it.
I do try and watch films made by recognised producers or companies such as Brazzers etc who have to follow the law when making adult movies.
Maybe it's my age but I would rather not lie to myself or others about who or what I am, if this means someone like you wants to see me as sleazy then fine I'm never going to change your mind anyway.
As for others who say they have or had relationships with men who don't use porn, well maybe that's true but I stand by what I said. The lefty/liberal sanctimonious, smug, polically correct men who tell their OH they never use porn are the worst of liars. They are the same type as the Pastor who preaches duty and devotion on Sunday but is screwing a member of the congregation.
I have lived long enough to know how humans think, especially men.[/quote]
Sorry, but you are a sleaze.

@chocaholic9 @ brushandcomb and all you others.
Wow so I'm a sleaze. Fine whatever. You on the other hand are hypocrites.
You applauded a woman if she goes for a younger man but any man who goes for a younger woman is a pervert.
If a woman uses porn she is empowered and liberated, if a man admits it he's a deviant rapist.
Brushandcomb you in particular assume that all I watch is young girls but there are many types of porn.
Do you only watch love stories about people over 40, I bet not.
You need to take a good look at yourself. I'm not going away or hanging my head in shame.
I'm your worst nightmare I'm a man who knows himself and won't role over just because you think I should.
I am unapologetic I am not some snowflake who will melt away.

[quote firewalkeruk]@brushandcomb, I have NOT tried to minimise Porn as you state. I gave my advice from MY perspective and told the OP that she did not have to tolerate anything she was uncomfortable with. This is exactly the same advice offered by many of the commenter on the thread. Other commenter have stated that they use Porn, both male and female commenters, and you have not gone after them with the same fervor that you have pursued me.
You have purposely quoted my posts as a illustration of my transgressions, in your view and have made statements that in no way reflect my views.
I believe that you are so trapped by your world view that you can't accept that any view which differs from your can possibly be valid.
Many of the intolerant on here have told the OP to dump her OH as they would never tolerate his behaviour. The OP seems to be OK with his habits but is concerned that she doesn't measure up. I would say it is up to her to decide how she moves forward.
As for me this is absolutely my last post on this thread and I will leave you to have the 'satisfaction' of the last word.[/quote]
Show me once where I have told the OP to leave ?
As for you attacking other who have advised the OP to leave and calling them intolerant ? I would suggest that they have as much right to offer their opinion as do you and I .
You seem to have an issue with name calling FIrewalkeruk. Is it only women you name call and try to minimise ?
You accuse me of going at your posts and not otherDo you want to know why your posts have been the ones that I have responded to ? Because your posts stink of mysogyny . Calling women who object to porn names , saying how it’s just as insecurity causing in men and refusing to see double standards , not caring one iota about the ethics and supporting sites like brazzers . Claiming your age and experience give you some bragging rights to know better than to lie about your porn use but not using that same life experience to actually learn and consider what you do and it’s consequences and the other side
You know , others have come on here and stated that they have no issue with porn . Others have said they watch it or have no problem with their partners watching it and to that I say nothing . Why ? Because I absolutely know people have different opinions and I have no reason to assume they don’t consider ethical implications in their choices .
You on the other hand have shown a complete disregard for any women , for whether women or girls are abused or used by the companies you support ( unless as you say they are directly in front of you I. The video your watching ) you state clearly you’re happy to watch and support companies with known records of Harming women and girls and you have such an air of male entitlement that it’s is beyond beliefs .THAT is why your posts have been the ones that o have felt compelled to respond to !
And yes couldn’t agree with chocoholic9 more

[quote firewalkeruk]@chocaholic9 @ brushandcomb and all you others.
Wow so I'm a sleaze. Fine whatever. You on the other hand are hypocrites.
You applauded a woman if she goes for a younger man but any man who goes for a younger woman is a pervert.
If a woman uses porn she is empowered and liberated, if a man admits it he's a deviant rapist.
Brushandcomb you in particular assume that all I watch is young girls but there are many types of porn.
Do you only watch love stories about people over 40, I bet not.
You need to take a good look at yourself. I'm not going away or hanging my head in shame.
I'm your worst nightmare I'm a man who knows himself and won't role over just because you think I should.
I am unapologetic I am not some snowflake who will melt away.[/quote]
No sorry your just another entitled male cliche but your post made me laugh

nice attempt to assert your dominance there Too bad you could t construct solid reasoning and discussion lol

I don't think his porn watching is any reflection on what you think that you look like. He is probably addicted to this stuff, as it's so freely available everywhere now, and so people will always watch it.

These so called porn stars, and producers of this stuff earn big money, and can cash in,as they know how much people are addicted to porn now.

What do you think your partner would say, if you said you wanted to be a porn star, or do sex stuff on a web cam etc.

I think it matters what kind of porn it is.
I couldn't be with someone who watches porn that involves women being degraded, injured etc

In your shoes I would bin him OP and find someone who isn’t porn obsessed.

@firewalkeruk

I'm your worst nightmare I'm a man who knows himself and won't role over just because you think I should.

Yeah, that is a woman's worst nightmare. Definitely.

I think my favourite part was when you referenced Brazzers as proof of you having some sort of ethics around porn 😂

I love men, all the men in my life are fantastic humans who I laugh loads with, can talk to them about anything, mutually supportive of each other etc.

You however are very angry with women who disagree with you. You label them angry feminists and make sweeping generalisations about what they must believe, seeming to forget women are not a homogenous mass with one opinion.

If you have such an anger towards women and think their worst fear is a man who won't "roll over", maybe it's because you're only seeing one side of women due to how you interact with them...

56firewalkeruk
Why is it that the outraged feminista think that a man watching porn equates to a misogynistic, disturbed man who has no respect for women?

It's called life experience.

@ravenmum

I wouldn't be too impressed by someone who shared a load of porn pictures with his mates and then just nonchalantly kept them in with pictures he was showing me. It all sounds a bit tacky and oafish.

Agree. I’d bin him now, porn usually ends up creating too many issues in most relationships. It obviously already bothers you too or you wouldn’t post about it, it’s not worth the hassle in the long term for something you’re not comfortable with in the early stages of a relationship.

My BFF was in a relationship with a man, she knew he watched porn which was consistently of women of a completely different shape to her, in fact as far different to be practically the opposite shape and look to her (I mean eg if she a were large and full shape these porn stars were all anorexic, if she were white the porn stars were ALL black) he brushed it off "it's much better that I fantasize about women completely different to you isn't it?".

Curiously enough, the porn type he was into matched the women involved in the industry he worked in (hard to describe without giving too much away) then surprise surprise it turned out he was having an affair with a woman from work who DID match his fantasy woman.
He did not want to treat this other woman as a girlfriend or have relationship responsibility towards her at all, no that was for my friend, he just wanted to stick his dick in this other woman. What a charmer.

Porn isn't real, it's Disney with tits.
Comparing yourself to it is like comparing yourself to the little fucking mermaid so stop that immediately.

Personally, a porn watcher is a huge turn off for me. I'd lose interest in him immediately. Usually they're shit in bed too.
The edited, fake, rehearsed bullshit you see in pornography kills real sex IMO

The fact it's making you feel the way you describe is enough to walk away from this OP
You shouldn't be feeling 2nd best

The more I read this thread the more angry I am getting at the whole porn idea. I think I may have focused the anger on the wrong part, me not measuring up but actually I’m not sure about the porn at all. I have myself in the past looked up some sites to see how certain things are done, positions etc.

I have in the past had an emotionally abusive relationship that I did a lot of work getting over and have been man free for a long time. I think this goes against everything I’ve read and been told about empowering myself. I can feel it inside that I’m being compared to these women and the actions they are doing. I have had to utter the words a couple of time to him that you know I’m not actually like these women on the videos and more then likely they aren’t enjoying it or even doing it, it’s all fake. I don’t feel there is an emotional connection, I’m very unsure.

Sex for me is meant to be an emotional connection and intimacy not just can you get me off as I normally do to porn everyday but now you are here so you can do that for me. It feels like that.

Nah chuck him back in the sea OP

It's so sad that men like firewalkeruk have such a low opinion of themselves and other men that they can't imagine there's any other way of having a wank than watching images of coerced women and girls being degraded by men.
Some of us think that (some) men might be capable of a bit of empathy towards women and realise that we're actually people just like them who actually don't enjoy being objectified.
As for 'I report any that look underage' wow well done what a hero 👍😂
As other posters have said much more eloquently than me, your misogyny is obvious and drips from all your posts. Therefore your opinion is not relevant or welcome on this thread.

OP - in your opening post you mentioned that you are quite inexperienced and have only had one relationship. So - I think a lot of what you are saying stems from that.

It’s Ok to want to have an emotional connection with someone you have sexual with. Such connection, however takes time.
So - in your next relationship - do take your time to get to know the other person.

As to the porn. I don’t know if you realise it, but most men would also masturbate regularly in addition to having sex in a relationship. Certainly most healthy younger men. That masturbation may or may not be accompanied by porn. But even if it isn’t - than there is some fantasising involved - some mental images that they’d think about while at it. And - they won’t always be imaging sex with you, their partner.

So - if you expect to have a relationship where you own 100% of your partner’s sexuality and all of his orgasms - you will always be disappointed.

Your previous experience of emotional abuse seems to have severely affected your self esteem. And you really need to find a way to deal with it - or you would end up getting hurt in every relationship.

The ‘feeling’ that you are compared to the porn actresses is just in your head and completely irrational.

You can stop seeing this guy but you would run into the same issue with pretty much every other young man you meet. You might get lucky and find one who would placate you and tell you what you want to hear. But then eventually you’ll see something on his phone and it’ll start again.
In the end of the day - you can’t and shouldn’t control your partner’s masturbation, as long as it doesn’t affect your sex life as a couple

Fgs she doesn't want to "own his orgasms". She just feels uncomfortable with the way he gets his kicks. There's a huge difference between masturbating whilst thinking about that woman you saw in the cereal aisle and getting off on images that may well involve exploitation. Nice DARVO attempt though.

OP has no issues with exploitation of porn.
However - if her man will be wanking to a mental image of booby woman he saw at the cereal isle - by her logic - she would be feeling insecure and compared to that woman.
And this is what she needs to understand - that humans are sexual and see other people as sexual. Not ONLY their partner.

Porn and exploitation are separate issues, and of course are important.
Just not to this OP.

Yes it wasn’t really a post about the ethics of porn but more about how it made me feel. Not necessarily the porn bit how 100% of the images I’ve seen he has, which god knows why he shows me is 100% nothing like the way I look. They are all very kind of gothic kinky massive boobs etc. I couldn’t be any more different. I’m not saying he shouldn’t like me, I’m ok with myself, my brain and what I can bring just on a physical basis.