New fella watches a lot of porn and I don’t look like the women on them.

[Inexperiencedinthis]

I’m not very experienced when it comes to men. I’ve had long term boyfriends before and was engaged but not experienced in this part, maybe it was always kept from me.

My new guy I know watches a lot of porn and from what I can see likes big boobs, like that kind of typical pornographic image. This is not me, I’m only like a 30D, given the small back size it’s not big at all, and I’ve lost weight so smaller then I’ve ever been.

Do all men watch a lot of porn? I’m not really like the women on the videos and I’m unsure what he is seeing in me. I’m a bit quite, but kooky apparently, size 8, no real curves. Perhaps I’m just putting myself down. I’m just thinking what’s he looking at when he sees me, it’s not those women with big boobs and curves.

Some will tell you all men watch porn. This has not been my experience, though I believe most men do (and the 'all men watch porn' fallacy is bloody fantastic marketing by the porn industry).

You need to unpick this. Whether you look like the women exploited by the porn industry or not - are you actually happy to be with someone who masturbates to porn? Because you don't have to be.

Ewwwwww. Why do you want to be with someone who watches women being exploited, objectified etc?

Work on your self esteem OP. It doesn't matter if he 'prefers' them, because a man who spends his free time in such a way really isn't worth your time.

Get rid of this one. You'll be glad you did.

Well yes I am a little bit put off because I’m not ever going to be like that, never behave or look like. I have mentioned to him this and he seems to like the way I look but it’s in the back of my mind now.

He was a single guy so I expected he would watch porn I guess but hmmmmmmmmm not sure whether this is normal or not.

I'd be worried by a grown man watching 'a lot' of porn. I dont have a problem with a once every so often, even though it's not my thing, but I would have a problem if he needed to watch it so much that I was noticing it was 'a lot'. I certainly wouldn't be ok with him watching it with me around.

I think respect might be a bigger concern in this relationship. Infact the fact that he is a 'new guy'...I really wouldn't expect to know anything about his private activities with his penis yet.

Is he respectful of you in general?
Have there been other behaviours of his that have made you feel uncomfortable or as if you dont measure up somehow? (Eg: talking about other women being pretty or banging on about an ex).

New relationship, he's got a serious porn habit, this is already shredding your self esteem.

It's not going to get any better, and it's not like you've invested a huge amount in this relationship yet (not that it would matter if you had).

Dump, and spend a bit of quiet, man-free down time thinking about what you want from a man and what are non-negotiable standards.

Some starting suggestions:
Makes my life better rather than worse

Doesn't make me feel crap about myself

Actually appears to like me as I am, as a real person, rather than quite liking that I'm a bit (but not enough) like his imaginary ideal woman.

Relationship feels natural, fun, life enhancing, unforced, rather than something I (but not him) have to put huge amounts of work into.

No he hasn’t said anything. I’ve brought up that I didn’t think I was his type but he doesn’t say no you’re not. He doesn’t do anything to me I don’t want, he isn’t rough or saying anything horrible. He definitely has a very high sex drive tho. He says he finds me very attractive and I excite him a lot (sorry for too much info) perhaps I’m reading into it too much.

He says he enjoys my company and doesn’t try and force me to do anything, I do enjoy his and we have lots in common. I’m trying to suss him out really, the porn not happy about really.

I had a 2 year gap from last man so I’m happy with myself, don’t need one emotionally or financially.

I could date a porn user myself - especially not one who watches a lot of it. I tried but it always ends in finding out the man concerned is a giant sleaze, in a way I didn't expect.

But then I think back and remember the porn issue, and say, ah yes in hindsight that's linked.

A lot of the me who use porn are sleaze bags and creeps. They objectify women. Thats the biggest problem I've had with it

Sorry, that should say *I couldn't date a porn user

It's difficult to say without knowing more but it sounds like he might just enjoy sex and lots of it. It's possible that that is all he wants from you.

Personally I couldn't be with someone who actively watched a lot of porn (if I knew about it) but for me it would be because I would suspect their view on woman and the treatment of women would be stunted by it.

But you could play it by ear and just see how it goes. You know that you dont have to accept something like this if it makes you uncomfortable though. He might just not be the right guy for you.

If you feel comfortable answering...How did you meet? How long was it till you slept together? Have you had the 'official' talk yet?

If it's not ok for you, get rid.

Another one saying get rid

Personally, and I know others will disagree, watching porn feels a bit like cheating to me... If he was looking at other women he knew, naked and doing sexy things in person, it'd be very wrong, so why is it ok when it's someone he doesn't know, recorded on video?

How do you know what he watches? Has he shown you?

'A lot' of porn sounds awful. No not all men do this. I would dump any man who did this, especially so brazenly, as if you're an awful prude if you object. It's objectifying women, focussing too much on sex and would indicate to me he would not treat me well. Dump him.

I wouldn’t want to date a man who watches a lot of porn. Apart from the sleaze and objectification, and generally shitty attitude towards women that underlies it all, they usually end up being a crap shag.

I’ve known him since the beginning of the year really. To be honest I can’t blame him for having sex quite quickly as I wanted it too, I’ve been without and wanted to experience again so I haven’t helped really. But then it’s early days and I’m not emotionally invested in a way I couldn’t just walk away and say oh well that was different.

Get rid.

I have said to him what is going on as I felt a little like going to visit having sex and leaving. I’m not hurt or anything as it could just be that and that’s ok. He says he enjoys my company a lot and likes me, whatever that means. I get the impression he’d say anything. But then he has done some really sweat things also. We went on a walk a few months back and the cafe was closed because of COVID and I said that’s a shame as I needed a tea. Then next time he pulled out a flask, thought that was nice.

If you want a male perspective then I'm here to tell you that 80% of men are self admitted porn watchers and the other 20% are liars.
OK not every man watches pork but I think almost every western male has seen it at one time or another.
The two problems I think you have are frequency and expectation.
So frequency first. If a guy is watching pork a lot, I mean like every free minute he's got then I would say that is a sevre addiction. If it is a couple of times a week then a mild compunction and being used as an aid to masturbation. If it is say a weekday thing for a while then long periods without then also a mild compunction. If it is once or twice a month then he's probably bored and needed something to do.
Your problem is what you are prepared to accept. Which leads to point two.
Expectation. Do we want our ladies to look and behave like the girls on the screen? The answer is yes and no. If your DP likes big boobs he isn't necessarily dissatisfied with what you have. If he starts suggesting implants then you have a problem, otherwise he's just a boob guy and loves yours no matter the cup size.
If he asks you to do anything he has seen on screen that makes you uncomfortable then you have the absolute right to say no and he should respect that.
Also please understand that watching pork doesn't mean that he doesn't love you or desire you it just means that he's a man and sometimes we are emotionally underdeveloped assholes.