New fella watches a lot of porn and I don’t look like the women on them.

[Inexperiencedinthis]

I’m not very experienced when it comes to men. I’ve had long term boyfriends before and was engaged but not experienced in this part, maybe it was always kept from me.

My new guy I know watches a lot of porn and from what I can see likes big boobs, like that kind of typical pornographic image. This is not me, I’m only like a 30D, given the small back size it’s not big at all, and I’ve lost weight so smaller then I’ve ever been.

Do all men watch a lot of porn? I’m not really like the women on the videos and I’m unsure what he is seeing in me. I’m a bit quite, but kooky apparently, size 8, no real curves. Perhaps I’m just putting myself down. I’m just thinking what’s he looking at when he sees me, it’s not those women with big boobs and curves.

Sorry for the info but yesterday he was sent a video by a friend of a women on an exercise bike and a dildo was going up her a**. I really didn’t want to see it, why show me that. What is he thinking when feeling me, I can’t help but think is this normal, am I over reacting.

@Inexperiencedinthis

I’m not very experienced when it comes to men. I’ve had long term boyfriends before and was engaged but not experienced in this part, maybe it was always kept from me.

My new guy I know watches a lot of porn and from what I can see likes big boobs, like that kind of typical pornographic image. This is not me, I’m only like a 30D, given the small back size it’s not big at all, and I’ve lost weight so smaller then I’ve ever been.

Do all men watch a lot of porn? I’m not really like the women on the videos and I’m unsure what he is seeing in me. I’m a bit quite, but kooky apparently, size 8, no real curves. Perhaps I’m just putting myself down. I’m just thinking what’s he looking at when he sees me, it’s not those women with big boobs and curves.

Your issue with this is that you don't look like a porn star??

@Inexperiencedinthis

Sorry for the info but yesterday he was sent a video by a friend of a women on an exercise bike and a dildo was going up her a**. I really didn’t want to see it, why show me that. What is he thinking when feeling me, I can’t help but think is this normal, am I over reacting.

That's disgusting and disgusting that he sent it to you. He's not a nice man is he?

@Inexperiencedinthis

Sex for me is meant to be an emotional connection and intimacy not just can you get me off as I normally do to porn everyday but now you are here so you can do that for me. It feels like that.

That's the thing about porn addicts. They are horrible, abusive lovers

@Inexperiencedinthis

I have said to him what is going on as I felt a little like going to visit having sex and leaving. I’m not hurt or anything as it could just be that and that’s ok. He says he enjoys my company a lot and likes me, whatever that means. I get the impression he’d say anything. But then he has done some really sweat things also. We went on a walk a few months back and the cafe was closed because of COVID and I said that’s a shame as I needed a tea. Then next time he pulled out a flask, thought that was nice.

I might have missed it , did the OP say this or are you speaking for her ? I may be wrong but from my experience the exploitation can very often be a big part of what makes women feel insecure . Seeing that we are just another series of body parts or just another female in his harem of endless women ... can make a woma feel she doesn’t measure up. Being a woman who lives in a world where women are routinely used as aids for men’s masturbation , where women’s bodies are bought and sold and women can be purchased for marriage is exploitation for sure but this cannot be aeroerqtwd to the way it makes many women feel insecure / these messages that we are worth our physical appearance and what we can offer to men sexually are pervasive and damaging I may be wrong and of course only the OP can speak to her own feelings on this but I wanted to say that the two cannot be separated

@Inexperiencedinthis

Sorry for the info but yesterday he was sent a video by a friend of a women on an exercise bike and a dildo was going up her a**. I really didn’t want to see it, why show me that. What is he thinking when feeling me, I can’t help but think is this normal, am I over reacting.

Ok OP I just read your post . I understand what your saying and I’m so very sorry he is sending this stuff . Totally not ok . I would ask him directly why he thinks that’s appropriate . And how he thinks that makes you feel . Hugs to you

I guess if ethics aren't an issue for you, you either walk away or carry on putting up with it. Not much more to say, is there?! He's not exactly going to change his wanking habits and search exclusively for porn actresses who look exactly like you and only have the kind of sex you enjoy, is he?!

Yes ethics are an issue for me but I wrote the post in a way that it makes me feel inadequate which I guess is the bigger picture. I’ve also been told by almost everyone of my friends that all men watch porn and that I am a prude.

I think because we were friends for about 8 months or so before that he thinks it’s ok to joke and send me that, but it feels different now we are more.

@Inexperiencedinthis

Sorry for the info but yesterday he was sent a video by a friend of a women on an exercise bike and a dildo was going up her a**. I really didn’t want to see it, why show me that. What is he thinking when feeling me, I can’t help but think is this normal, am I over reacting.

What the fuck. This is not a man 'just' watching porn, even if you're ok with porn in principle. He's sending you 'funny videos' of women with dildos up their arses because he's sharing them and laughing about them with his mates and what... thought you'd find it hilarious too? Id be interested to know your reaction because if it wasn't ugh why the fuck did you send me that / show me that, it's gross, I would guess you're suppressing your real feelings around him because you think you 'should' be ok with stuff like that and that it's normal. It's not normal or respectful to show your new girlfriend shit like that, it's weird as fuck.

@Inexperiencedinthis

I think because we were friends for about 8 months or so before that he thinks it’s ok to joke and send me that, but it feels different now we are more.

Would you have found that funny before you were dating then?

OP, I’ve been in a relationship with a porn addict - I’m not an outraged feminista or whatever that man who seemed obsessed with the colour of him semen said. I’m a survivor of physical and sexual abuse and porn played a huge role in his attitude towards women.

He’s showing you those things because he’s grooming you. He’s normalising things you’re not comfortable with, and he’s making you doubt yourself. Men who share stuff like that with their mates are misogynists, no question. And no, not all men watch porn. That’s not the same as saying all or almost men have seen porn. Masturbation and porn are not inextricably linked.

No I told him that that this is not the type of thing to have shown me then was a bit off and sent him a msg this morning to say that I don’t want to see things like that. Then I thought but he is still looking at them and women like that so basically that doesn’t change anything.

And if you were living in the 1980s, maybe they'd be telling you that "all men rape their wives" and that it's not even rape because you gave blanket consent when you married him. That may sound dramatic, but it's an example of men doing something that we now clearly see as bad, but was even within my lifetime seen as a "grey area" or "all men do it". Sadly men who see women as sexual objects don't change their habits without overwhelming social pressure and/or legislation.

New relationship, he's got a serious porn habit, this is already shredding your self esteem.

I agree.
I wouldn't want to date a man who watched a lot of porn.
It woudl be enough for me to end it.

I actually have a lot to offer, well that’s what I’ve been taught and teaching myself after suffering the emotional abuse. These pics of women do not show what we have to offer, it’s a part yes.

Lol @ firewalkeruk using left wing, liberal people who are politically correct, as examples of negative traits in people. I can only surmise that puts him in the right wing, dictator category who likes to spout his bigotry - you said it!
Hmm, now which one of these would make for the better human

Honestly get rid of him. How dare he show you videos like that. What ever happened to respect and cherishing your partner. I know I’m old but fuck me is this what we’ve been reduced to.

Well I told him how what I think so that will be it.

I don’t view sex the same way. I don’t watch videos of men getting humiliated or performing weird shit on themselves and me and my friends all laughing together. I want a man who seems my value as a person, otherwise I feel humiliated.

@Inexperiencedinthis

Sorry for the info but yesterday he was sent a video by a friend of a women on an exercise bike and a dildo was going up her a**. I really didn’t want to see it, why show me that. What is he thinking when feeling me, I can’t help but think is this normal, am I over reacting.

I am starting to see why this man is so reliant on fantasy when it comes to women. Amazed he's managed to get any real women to go near him at all.

Get yourself some standards OP.

Well done OP. Sounds like you made the right call. That video - urgh.

Give yourself time to mourn for the man you thought and hoped he was. Even though you've done the right thing, you'll still feel down about it for a bit, I think.

I swore I wasn't going to post any further on this thread but I have been referenced by many of you so I will respond.
I read the OP's first post and was trying to reassure her with regards to her body image.
After reading her subsequent posts I can see the issue is far more complex and that my initial response was limited.
I allowed myself to get drawn into a discussion with BrushandComb which was outside the initial point and which the OP has subsequently commented on.
I do see that I have not covered myself in glory and it was never my wish to offend or upset anyone especially the OP.
I have had a relationship with porn since my early teens and was first introduced to the material at high school by a close friend who had stolen his older brother's magazines.
Over the years my use of porn has been sporadic and at times my DW has also watched porn with me, although in the later years she has acknowledged that I use it and that she has no issues with this as long as it didn't become an issue.
I have had health issues including ED which my wife and I have worked on and we have a fantastic relationship both sexually and emotionally.
I have never shared porn with anyone of coerced my wife into doing anything she is uncomfortable with and would hate myself if I ever made her feel less than she is in any way. She has given my children who have given me grandchildren and without her I would never be the man I am.
I was raised socialist by my mother who lived with my grandparents and my family believe in equality and respect. My dislike of the far left comes from the intolerance shown by them for anyone who disagrees with them and I have always believed that no matter how strong an opinion anyone else has that you should always respect debate and be able to agree to disagree without the need to score points of off another person.
I too have also experienced insecurity and while my illustration may have been a little gross I was trying to remain in context with regards to porn. I have been derided for my fixation on the quantity of my semen which I not really a concern but I was hoping to bring a little levity to the debate.
I have no hatred towards women and think they are very much the equals of men and in the respect of creating life are far superior.
My wife and I always shared child care, domestic duties, and yes even birth control over the course of our lives and I feel that we have instilled very good values in our children and grandchildren.
I will apologize to the ladies here for my flippant tone and especially for the crass remark I made last night about going to watch an adult film.
I am sorry to the OP for hijacking the thread but I do not stand alone in this matter and there are others just as guilty as I, you know who you are.
I am not making excuses for who I am but who I am was offering an opinion however after reading the thread back I would say that OP's BF is not a very nice person by the sound of it and has definite boundary issues and that his habit is becoming an issue.
As for the debate with regards to porn itself I think that is an issue for a separate thread and is outside the initial question about body image.

@firewalkeruk

Your sign off last night was a really odd message about leaving the thread to go and watch lesbians having sex.

In response to a number of women who challenged your views on porn as being objectifying of women, based on a number of them having trauma around partners whose porn use had really upset them.

I guess well done for apologising on that but it was very telling that your kneejerk reaction to a group of women who relayed they find porn objectifying and misogynist was to basically call them angry feminists then say screw you, I'm going to watch lesbians tribbing on pornhub.

You do genuinely sound very angry with women (women who disagree with you more specifically) and it seeps through your messages. I hope you can maybe learn from the responses you get and grow as a person when it comes to respecting women in both your words and deeds.

I guess my thread just goes to show the consequences of porn and how it can make some women feel about themselves. If it was natural real life consensual sex on the videos it wouldn’t be so bad. But I don’t understand why the majority of it is quite ugly. Some of it is just abuse.

and who says oh its just how men think it’s ok its acceptable. Why is it allowed to be acceptable.