Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DP unhappy about my working hours

174 replies

WineByTheFire · 10/11/2020 19:56

Inspired by a similar-ish thread on AIBU.

As the title suggests, DP is beginning to get very irate over my occasionally being "late" home from work.
Bit of background and from DP's POV: I work in manufacturing, DP in retail. I work days 7am to 4pm and DP works nights. Because of our working hours, we don't really see each other much during the week but ofc spend all weekend together.

Due to the nature of the job role, DP clocks out bang on finishing time, not a moment later. Never does overtime and doesn't care how this looks to employer. DP doesn't understand why I can't, or rather, choose not to do the same. If I'm in the middle of finishing something off which is time sensitive, I will stay behind the extra 10-15 minutes to get it done and out the way. I'm also conscious of the fact that we (as a workforce) have been threatened with redundancies 4 times over the past 5 years so I also make a point of staying to do certain things so I appear "useful" and valuable to the company. I don't always put in overtime for these extra 15 minutes, although I can if I want to, because I don't want to be seen as taking the piss. DP has the attitude of "fuck them, you finish at 4pm and if something isn't done then it's someone else's problem".

I have a v small commute - 10 minutes - and if im not home by 4.10pm, DP makes snarky comments and quizzes what I've been doing.

Important to note we have no kids, housework is split 70/30 to me, and latest I've ever been home is 4.45pm. Normally its 4.20pm and this isn't every day. Maybe 2 or 3 times a week max.

Am I right in thinking what I do is normal? And that an extra 15 minutes or so isn't a big deal. DP has asked me to put it to MN vote.

OP posts:
helloxhristmas · 10/11/2020 19:58

Your 'd'p is a dick. Of course it's normal. Is he this controlling about other elements of your life?

nancybotwinbloom · 10/11/2020 19:59

He's being controlling. In my opinion.

15 mins is nothing to ensure you walk into an easier day.

I get it that over the month or year or it adds up but if you are happy then he needs to let you get on with it.

Lazypuppy · 10/11/2020 20:01

Working late is normal, not claiming the hours is ridiculous IMO

Whysrumgone · 10/11/2020 20:03

He’s causing aggro over this? Seriously? My dp gets aggro over going out on the piss and not coming home until the next day, not for working an extra 15 mins and coming home slightly later than usual. Your oh is either extremely controlling, or extremely immature. Actually probably both

Bairnsmum05 · 10/11/2020 20:03

No big deal. Your partner is the issue here.

Nackajory · 10/11/2020 20:04

He lacks empathy and understanding. Why are you tolerating life with a man who can't understand basic differences to the way he thinks? Do you have DC?

Thestreets · 10/11/2020 20:05

@Lazypuppy

Working late is normal, not claiming the hours is ridiculous IMO
Yes but it's not hours to claim is it? Its the odd 15 minutes which I wouldn't class as ridiculous tbh.
Whysrumgone · 10/11/2020 20:05

@Lazypuppy

Working late is normal, not claiming the hours is ridiculous IMO
Not claiming 15 minutes twice a week isn’t ridiculous. There’s another thread right now where someone’s complaining that their partner doing 2 and a half hours unpaid overtime every single day. THATS ridiculous!
RantyAnty · 10/11/2020 20:06

He's being ridiculous

Oblomov20 · 10/11/2020 20:07

What a fucking controlling knob he is!

Dozer · 10/11/2020 20:08

DP is being VU and controlling.

Thestreets · 10/11/2020 20:08

I couldn't put up with this OP. I would tell him that it is my choice to work the extra and won't have any further discussions. I would tell him he will only be informed if it affects him directly i.e you'll be late for an appointment or something otherwise he is not to bring it up any more

LolaSmiles · 10/11/2020 20:09

He's being ridiculous and a little insecure or controlling

Based on your title I was expecting a situation where someone in a stressful job was doing several hours extra a day and it was getting in the way of family life, not a child free man moaning about 15 minutes.

Ragwort · 10/11/2020 20:09

Of course it's pretty normal, and I'm amazed that in retail he gets to leave on the dot, I work in retail and frequently do more than my contracted hours (entirely my choice, I love what I do).

Your DP does not sound as though he has the same work ethic as you, which could be an issue in the future.. my DH works incredibly long hours (WFH), clearly longer than 'contracted hours' but he is in a salaried management role and knows full well that his contract has some wording along the lines 'fulfill all expected duties'.

I couldn't be with someone who controlled my time.

Sparklfairy · 10/11/2020 20:10

I'd be staying at work a lot longer than 15 minutes every single day just to have time away from the controlling idiot. Is he always this rigid and insist you follow his rules?

HotPenguin · 10/11/2020 20:10

Your partner is being ridiculous, I was expecting you to say you did hours of unpaid overtime. Expectations vary between different sectors and different workplaces but I think you are right to put in a few extra minutes in order to do your job well.

RightOnTheEdge · 10/11/2020 20:10

He is being a controlling, possessive weirdo.

Derelictwreck · 10/11/2020 20:11

Why are you doing 70% chores?

Iloveacurry · 10/11/2020 20:11

It’s not a big deal, he’s being ridiculous.

Mistystar99 · 10/11/2020 20:12

If you had kids, he'd have a point. As you don't, he doesn't.
Your job, your choice. He's a clock watching lazy bugger trying to shame your choices!!

AlexisIsMySpiritAnimal · 10/11/2020 20:12

I thought you we're going to say you don't get home til bedtime or something!!
15-20 minutes at 4pm.... pfffftt!!? Tell him to get a grip.

Didiusfalco · 10/11/2020 20:13

Honestly - he can fuck off! What if you wanted to stop off at the shop, or walk a long route home? This should be a non-issue. I don’t buy for a moment that it’s because he wants time with you, I think it’s because he’s a controlling arse.

TonMoulin · 10/11/2020 20:13

I think it depends on how senior your role is. But in manufacturing, I would never just leave an issue because it’s time to leave. The potential consequences can be too high
(My experience is car manufacturing though. You wouldn’t dream to leave on time if there is an issue that could potentially stop the line/miss a delivery etc...)

CodenameVillanelle · 10/11/2020 20:14

He's in the wrong. What's his actual issue??

frosted232 · 10/11/2020 20:16

What retail business is he working in? I'd love to be in one that gets me out on time Grin