DP unhappy about my working hours

[WineByTheFire]

Inspired by a similar-ish thread on AIBU.

As the title suggests, DP is beginning to get very irate over my occasionally being "late" home from work.
Bit of background and from DP's POV: I work in manufacturing, DP in retail. I work days 7am to 4pm and DP works nights. Because of our working hours, we don't really see each other much during the week but ofc spend all weekend together.

Due to the nature of the job role, DP clocks out bang on finishing time, not a moment later. Never does overtime and doesn't care how this looks to employer. DP doesn't understand why I can't, or rather, choose not to do the same. If I'm in the middle of finishing something off which is time sensitive, I will stay behind the extra 10-15 minutes to get it done and out the way. I'm also conscious of the fact that we (as a workforce) have been threatened with redundancies 4 times over the past 5 years so I also make a point of staying to do certain things so I appear "useful" and valuable to the company. I don't always put in overtime for these extra 15 minutes, although I can if I want to, because I don't want to be seen as taking the piss. DP has the attitude of "fuck them, you finish at 4pm and if something isn't done then it's someone else's problem".

I have a v small commute - 10 minutes - and if im not home by 4.10pm, DP makes snarky comments and quizzes what I've been doing.

Important to note we have no kids, housework is split 70/30 to me, and latest I've ever been home is 4.45pm. Normally its 4.20pm and this isn't every day. Maybe 2 or 3 times a week max.

Am I right in thinking what I do is normal? And that an extra 15 minutes or so isn't a big deal. DP has asked me to put it to MN vote.

How long have you been living together?

He does sound very very strange.

I'd be absolutely smothered.

He watched you get your tampon out of your bag? Do not have kids with this man. He’s losing the plot and needs help. Maybe he should do more stuff at work and stop obsessing over what you do. Your job is none of his business. Tell him the comments and the behaviour stops right now or he’s dumped. He’s on a final warning. Why you want to live with a man like this I don’t know!

Wow! Where can I get myself a personal prison warden from the 1950s?
What's it to him what time you get home? Ask yourself why you tolerate this. I would have told him he's barking mad the very first time he criticised my "late" arrival. Most evenings my partner hardly knows where I am. Pre-Covid I could be shopping after work, having a drink with colleagues, at the gym, getting my hair done. This is life, not the army.

I assume he expects you to work and wants your financial contribution. Therefore where, when and how you work is your business. He's being ridiculous.

We've been living together 8 years. Smothered is definitely the right word!

He polices your tampon changes?

Actually read that back to yourself a few times.

He is a first class gobshite and you really need to get rid of him!

Wow. Id leave your phone at home and check in to a hotel for a week to undo stockholm syndrome

He is unreasonable.

He is happy for you to do almost half of his share of the housework.

He is not happy for you to do approx 3% extra for your employer because it eats into his time with you.

Maybe you could reduce your hours to do the other half of his housework too. Make sure to put a ribbon in your hair, give him a blowjob and make sure you do ALL the housework while he is out so you don't encroach on his special time with you.

He watched you get your tampon out of your bag?

Literally follows me around. If I leave the room, he is not long behind. Even our dog doesn't do that! Also watches me get dressed/undressed (not in a pervy way, he's not leering, he's chatting away but still watching), he got out of bed this morning to watch me eat my breakfast and question me about it.

Is this how you want to live @WineByTheFire ?

Do you like him? Or have you accidentally got yourself into a relationship with a clingy sexist knobber?

Nope. No way. You need to run away.

The tampon change questioning gave me the serious creeps. What are you supposed to do? Say, 'I'm sorry, I'll tell Aunt Flo to slow down a bit shall I?'

It's really, really creepy.

Why are you doing 70% of the housework?

Actually the tampon thing is so bizarre, you should do a bunk.

He's gone off the deep end.

I do love him. Like I said, he hasn't always been like this. He has been normal for years, then about 2 months ago he started acting like this.

The 70% housework is a work in progress. He stopped doing all and any housework at all, but I've been kicking his arse into gear and he's slowly doing more and more. I just used the 70/30 stat to demonstrate that hes not slogging away at home while in work late dodging the housework.

Does he have a guilty conscious OP, if this is recent behaviour I'd be asking why.....

To the pps who also work in retail, he literally downs tools and leaves regardless of whether the job is finished or not. He gets away with that. My boss would be

He’s not “getting away” with anything. If he’s scheduled until 5pm, he doesn’t need to stay any later. If they want him after that they need to schedule him later.

Hmm. So, assuming this is not normal for him, what started it off? Were there any triggers? Is lockdown getting to him? Has he always been controlling, or has that ramped up too recently?

Has he always had the same attitude to work - and housework??

Can you talk to him about the following you around??

How can you bear it? What does he say when you ask him why he's suddenly started acting like this?

I have no idea what might have triggered it. I don't think its lockdown. I struggled during the first lockdown, he wasnt phased by it. I make a point of checking in with him though just in case. He never used to care about me being later from work either. It's so strange.

How can you bear it? What does he say when you ask him why he's suddenly started acting like this?

He immediately goes on the defensive. "Fine, I'll fuck off then!" and flounces off to another room. Creates an atmosphere by being huffy for the rest of the day.

Has there been other changes, like sleep patterns, or who he hangs out with, or maybe other health issues? It just sounds like such a dramatic change!

He's been mentioning new colleagues at work recently. Talking about them constantly, and was on the phone to one of his colleagues when I got home from work yesterday (early!!! finished work early and was home bang on 4!) Normally he doesn't bother with them outside of work other than the occasional friendly facebook comment or something.

He sounds very controlling op. Fussing over you coming home by 4:10pm is totally bonkers! I sometime spend 30 mins after work gassing with my colleagues!

YANBU he’s being ridiculous!