DP unhappy about my working hours

[WineByTheFire]

Inspired by a similar-ish thread on AIBU.

As the title suggests, DP is beginning to get very irate over my occasionally being "late" home from work.
Bit of background and from DP's POV: I work in manufacturing, DP in retail. I work days 7am to 4pm and DP works nights. Because of our working hours, we don't really see each other much during the week but ofc spend all weekend together.

Due to the nature of the job role, DP clocks out bang on finishing time, not a moment later. Never does overtime and doesn't care how this looks to employer. DP doesn't understand why I can't, or rather, choose not to do the same. If I'm in the middle of finishing something off which is time sensitive, I will stay behind the extra 10-15 minutes to get it done and out the way. I'm also conscious of the fact that we (as a workforce) have been threatened with redundancies 4 times over the past 5 years so I also make a point of staying to do certain things so I appear "useful" and valuable to the company. I don't always put in overtime for these extra 15 minutes, although I can if I want to, because I don't want to be seen as taking the piss. DP has the attitude of "fuck them, you finish at 4pm and if something isn't done then it's someone else's problem".

I have a v small commute - 10 minutes - and if im not home by 4.10pm, DP makes snarky comments and quizzes what I've been doing.

Important to note we have no kids, housework is split 70/30 to me, and latest I've ever been home is 4.45pm. Normally its 4.20pm and this isn't every day. Maybe 2 or 3 times a week max.

Am I right in thinking what I do is normal? And that an extra 15 minutes or so isn't a big deal. DP has asked me to put it to MN vote.

Something must have happened for him to have suddenly change. Is it that he has a guilty conscience?

He's definitely in the wrong. He would hate my job (nurse) regularly an hour late at least and don't get to claim overtime for it. Thankfully my husband accepts this even though at times his work is then disrupted so he can pick the children up. Your husband sounds controlling and thank goodness you don't have children.

The tampon thing is one of the creepiest things I've read in a while...

You are in Act I of The Script.

New friends, accuses you of things, becomes an arse all of a sudden.

Cherchez la femme.

I kinda think that the tampon incident would of been the moment I'd question his sanity? He's really got a MH issue that seems to have been recently sparked by something.
The only way to resolve this is to lay it down to him that his behaviour is totally bazzar, off the scale and if he doesn't explain himself, you will be leaving.
The only chance for you is to know the facts, even then, you might not like it if he's truthful. If he puts it down to something innocuous, he's lying. It will be big to make him behave this way.

Sudden change in behaviour / personality signifies mental health issues imo.

Did she have dinner in the go if he's home first?

Really scary behaviour. I hope you end it.

Time to let this one go, op.

Controlling and mentionitis are really not good signs.

@alm23x can you get some real life support? You don’t have to live like this.

From your posts it sounds like his behaviour is escalating quite rapidly, please be careful OP

Such a drastic change in behaviour could be related to numerous medical conditions, it may be an idea to suggest a GP appointment to ensure nothing major is going on with him.

Your relationship is fucked up. Your partner is a control freak. You are in this relationship so long that he has you brain washed into thinking it's normal, it may seem to you to have only gotten worse in the last few months, for those of us that have been in controlling relationships, they chip away at you for years until you are a shell of yourself.

None of his behaviour is normal. I do hope that you reach the point and realise that none of this is normal or acceptable and leave the weird, controlling fucker.

I work in retail and I'm always staying late/going in early or having to do extra shifts on days off. I think most people do overtime at some point.

Your DP is being a bit of a dick

It came to a head today when he watched me get a tampon out my bag, and watched me walk to the bathroom.. he said "why are you changing that again? you've not long changed it"

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

Did he apologise for how overbearing and weird a thing that was to mention?!

He sounds dodgy.

at risk of derailing, I can't imagine a life where I'm home by half 4, pre-kids, why wouldn't you be out literally every night doing interesting hobbies? Or why not work longer hours?

The tampon thing is absolute madness, made me feel a little bit ill

Is this new colleague female? Could he be getting close to someone at work, and so projecting his guilt onto you?

The first thing I thought was he’s got a guilty conscience. He’s up to something

Thank god you don't have kids! He sounds absolutely ridiculous. A man child. He is trying to undermine your admirable work ethic.

She starts work at 7am @Lockdown, and then doesn't really have a commute. She's not working 'short hours' - in fact, 9 hours is a longer than average working day for people that don't work compressed hours.

Also agree he could be starting act 1 of The Script. Projecting onto you.

Since it is a recent thing, is it possible he is having a breakdown of some sort? His behaviour sounds really concerning above all else! Please keep your wits about you, you may need to make some decisive decisions at some point.

@thehop I'm working on it :) thank you xx

It sounds more about controlling you tbh.

@Whysrumgone

He’s causing aggro over this? Seriously? My dp gets aggro over going out on the piss and not coming home until the next day, not for working an extra 15 mins and coming home slightly later than usual. Your oh is either extremely controlling, or extremely immature. Actually probably both

This ^^

@Derelictwreck

Why are you doing 70% chores?

Also this ^^