DP unhappy about my working hours

[WineByTheFire]

Inspired by a similar-ish thread on AIBU.

As the title suggests, DP is beginning to get very irate over my occasionally being "late" home from work.
Bit of background and from DP's POV: I work in manufacturing, DP in retail. I work days 7am to 4pm and DP works nights. Because of our working hours, we don't really see each other much during the week but ofc spend all weekend together.

Due to the nature of the job role, DP clocks out bang on finishing time, not a moment later. Never does overtime and doesn't care how this looks to employer. DP doesn't understand why I can't, or rather, choose not to do the same. If I'm in the middle of finishing something off which is time sensitive, I will stay behind the extra 10-15 minutes to get it done and out the way. I'm also conscious of the fact that we (as a workforce) have been threatened with redundancies 4 times over the past 5 years so I also make a point of staying to do certain things so I appear "useful" and valuable to the company. I don't always put in overtime for these extra 15 minutes, although I can if I want to, because I don't want to be seen as taking the piss. DP has the attitude of "fuck them, you finish at 4pm and if something isn't done then it's someone else's problem".

I have a v small commute - 10 minutes - and if im not home by 4.10pm, DP makes snarky comments and quizzes what I've been doing.

Important to note we have no kids, housework is split 70/30 to me, and latest I've ever been home is 4.45pm. Normally its 4.20pm and this isn't every day. Maybe 2 or 3 times a week max.

Am I right in thinking what I do is normal? And that an extra 15 minutes or so isn't a big deal. DP has asked me to put it to MN vote.

Why are you doing 70% chores?

This!

Also, what's with the clockwatching?

He sounds like a pain in the backside. I'd stay at work longer too if that's what I'm coming home too.
Misery guts.

Is it 1973?

Long before I'd be concerned about him complaining about your work ethic, I would want to know why, with no DC, and you both working, he isn't pulling his weight around the house.

Why is that ?

Guess it depends how regular it is, I guess half an hour every day can add up - 2.5 hrs per week could add up to quite a bit of money if you're not officially taking the overtime.

I was accused of being controlling when I asked an old partner about them starting to come home half an hour later or so every day from work...turns out they were getting involved with a work colleague. So maybe just give reassurance if he is unduly concerned...he shouldn't be getting irate however.

Why does he get to tell you what to do?

He can make decisions for him. He doesn't get to make decisions for you.

My votes are as follows

You can come home at whatever time you like, although it's considerate to let the folks at home know if you're going to be unusually late.
and
Your DP should pull his weight with household chores

I'm afraid to say your DP wanting you home at 10 past 4, sounds more like he wants little wifey home to make his dinner and that's not an attractive look

You may be better off NOT showing him this thread.

He's being controlling. He doesn't trust you (his own insecurity) & he's pressuring you into putting your job at risk.

He also has a work ethic (or rather lack of a work ethic) that I couldn't respect.

You'd be better keeping the job & ditching him.

If you choose to stay with him, double up on the contraception because he'd be a complete fucking nightmare if you had a baby.

He is not entitled to decide how you spend your time.
What exactly does he thinks you should be doing instead?
Does he just want you to suffer from the same rigid poverty of ambition that he seems to have?
What if you want more from life?

completely controlling. What happens if you fancied popping to the shops, or for a coffee with a friend, afetr work? Do you go out alone ever in the evenings, after he has gone to work with friends? Do you have any hobbies?
And why, FFS are you doing 70% of the chores and cooking etc.

Goodness he’s awful.
I’d go to the shops every night, to avoid going home, to clean up for that monster.

Really, I wish you could meet up with friends, visit people, or anything.

Most jobs, if you want to keep them, you might need to do a little extra.

But complaining because you are home 15 minutes later than planned.

Go shopping every night, for essential stuff, and linger and buy something nice.

Stop doing all of the housework

70/30 housework and he is trying to dictate to you about your career?
Why do you value yourself so little?

If he's got the time to staring at the clock I'd suggest he fills his time with his fair share of housework.

Just because he has no ambition or pride in his work doesn't mean you have to feel the same. It's not hours every day, not a problem.

Who cares if you stay 10 or one hour. Your DP is the problem and very controlling! Is he like this in other ways OP?

Why do you do more % of the house work ?

He doesn't trust you that in YOUR job, it looks bad if you leave on the dot. Either he doesn't trust you that it looks bad or he doesn't CARE!

Both are bad. He should trust you to know how to conduct yourself at work. You obviously understand the culture at your own workplace, but yet he is telling you to behave as though he's at HIS work place.

This lack of understanding and lack of faith in your ability to judge your environment and act accordingly is going to make your life very difficult if you stick with this guy.

@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants

You may be better off NOT showing him this thread.

He's being controlling. He doesn't trust you (his own insecurity) & he's pressuring you into putting your job at risk.

He also has a work ethic (or rather lack of a work ethic) that I couldn't respect.

You'd be better keeping the job & ditching him.

If you choose to stay with him, double up on the contraception because he'd be a complete fucking nightmare if you had a baby.

This....with 🔔 bells

Blimey - in my job we’re contracted to work 7.5 hrs a day, but up to and beyond 10 hrs a day is not unusual. We don’t get overtime. How would your OH deal with that?
Also, as others have said why are chores split 70/30 to you. Particularly if you are actually working longer hours.
Is he weird about other things?

Why doesn’t he trust you?

Bahahaha

I finish at 5. Today I rang my husband to say I was out of work at 6.50, because I had been assisting with a medical procedure that overran and didn’t have my phone on me. No drama as we didn’t have anything planned that meant I had to be home.

It’s pretty controlling to start making comments after 10 mins or so. That smacks of ‘you’re not allowed out unless I say so’.

He sounds like a jobsworth who wants to pull you back down to his level.

People like this are very hard to have a long term relationship with, IME.

Your dp doesn't seem very bright sorry. Both in his attitude to his own work and to yours. Unfortunately right now lots of employment is precarious so you need to do what you can to be valuable to your employer.

Also its yiur choice what you do with your time. Is h always so controlling?

If he’s never put in a second’s additional work then I’d not be too confident he’ll always be employed!

Having a strong work ethic and taking pride in what you do are good traits.

He is being a twat about your job and housework should be 50/50.

Hth

I also work till 4.

Except because I work in a hospital, getting out at 4 is a nightmare.

I don't get paid overtime.

DH knows to expect me anytime between 4.30 and 5.30 and he doesn't sweat it. He gets the job I do.

He knows I'm very bloody lucky to have a job that finishes at 4!

And we have kids! Sometimes I'm home for dinner, sometimes I'm not.

But I'm still home earlier than most working parents.

Your DH is being REALLY wierd.

Thank you all for confirming what I already knew. Its reassuring to know it's not just me. You're all right, he has no ambition when it comes to his work. To the pps who also work in retail, he literally downs tools and leaves regardless of whether the job is finished or not. He gets away with that. My boss would be

If I'm being honest, this issue is just one in a long line of strange behaviour from him recently. He's taken to watching me, all the time. He follows me around the house constantly. Watches what I'm doing. Asking questions constantly. It came to a head today when he watched me get a tampon out my bag, and watched me walk to the bathroom.. he said "why are you changing that again? you've not long changed it" ????!!!! I very nearly lost it with him.

I really don't know what his issue is, at all. He wasnt like this before. Just in the last 2 months or so.

Also, to clarify, if im going to be any later than 20 past, I do text him and let him know.