Snoop or not?

[thelockdown2]

NC for this as I'm active on other threads - naice penis beaker etc.
Daily Mail are wankers (just in case).

Anyway I need some advice please. I'm currently pregnant with our 3rd and I don't know if I'm being hormonally paranoid or if something is going on.

I've just got this horrible gut feeling/spidey senses that DH is doing something he shouldn't be. Our sex life has tanked, he's secretive with his phone, he parks up outside our house but is "on a work call" for 45 minutes and won't come in. He's shown very little interest in me recently.

Anyway I've acquired his passwords for Facebook messenger, google and discord. He's recently removed the apps from his phone but continues to log into them. I can only surmise that he thinks it'll be harder for me to get into if the apps aren't on his phone. Why remove them if you're still logging into them?

My question is - can I log in to these without him receiving a notification? His google account has previously been logged into my phone when he's used it, and as a result I could see his search history about 18 months ago which threw up some major questions in our relationship but we worked through it.

Now without the "don't snoop if you don't trust him just leave him" advice it's really not that simple. Am I just being insane? And if I'm not then I'll need irrefutable proof before blowing up my family.

So will he know if I log in and check?

Does he have a dual sim? So one phone but it’s essentially two?

I’m explaining it badly - I don’t have one! But this...

Two numbers & only one phone to carry around. See our Dual SIM-phones here and check out all our single SIM free phones

www.carphonewarehouse.com/mobiles/sim-free/dual-sim.html

Its easy to check if he has a dual sim, you just take the sim draw out using the prong thingy, one sim he only has one profile, 2 sims he has 2. Its that easy to check.

Don’t snoop, your gut is telling you all you need to know. Really, just concentrate on your pregnancy, once the baby is born and you’re settled, then begin looking at things. Take your time.

I'm not talking dual sim by the way. One SIM, separated profiles on his phone

Why don't you let someone on here do it? The location wouldn't be near you then. Just a thought......

@LemmysAceCard @BrimFullOfAsher it's a work contract so I doubt it'll be a dual sim?

@Ruby0707 That's a good idea but difficult to find a stranger online to trust 😂

@Maze76 Honestly I just feel so low I've got to see through until the baby is born and see where I'm at. If I can't get into his phone in the mean time.

I’d stop viewing him as (a husband). I’d see him as someone who provides companionship and financial support for your family. I’d also stop being a wife - and feel free to do what I want in the future

I tried this myself (like many who do, I'm very much older than OP) and it nearly destroyed me. All credit to those who can manage it - though goodness knows what it's costing them - but it's not something I'd recommend to a young woman with most of her life before her

And that's not allowing for the point that a cheater could well leave her sooner or later anyway, and she'd have put herself through agony for very little

What phone is it? As you don't need dual SIM. You can create segregated profiles on most phones now

It's an iPhone 11.

Good point @Puzzledandpissedoff I'm early 30s do I need to settle? I just hope I'm all wrong and this is all in my head.

@BrimFullOfAsher How do you even do that?!

I'm early 30s do I need to settle?

Quite simply, no you don't; in fact you'd probably be foolish to

As said you already know he's a cheater, and if he is doing it again it's entirely possible that sooner or later he'll be off anyway
It's true that any man could leave in theory, but not every man has his history - and among those who do, many make rather more of an effort to reassure their DWs than yours is doing

When I was pregnant with my DS (a long, long time ago) I had a similar feeling. I knew my DH (now ex) had received a couple of 'odd' texts from a woman he worked with - nothing explicit but just odd - too familiar for someone he never really mentioned (it was a complete fluke that I saw these texts - I trusted him completely). Like you my spidey senses were tingling, but I thought I was going mad - I would turn up to work and just burst into tears - but couldn't tell anyone why. I kept thinking I must be hormonal.

One day I turned his phone off and hid it (this is so long ago it was before passwords etc) thinking I'd have a proper check when he left for work. But when he was panicking trying to find it, I had a crisis of conscience - this was not who I wanted to be, so I 'discovered' it for him and stopped looking. Instead I sat down and challenged him about it later that week and he obviously denied everything. I decided to believe him. In retrospect I think I just couldn't deal with it - I had a little toddler, was pregnant, my Mum was going through cancer treatment and I'd had a major bereavement the year before - work was also really stressful - this would have been one trauma too many - and pregnant women protect their babies.

Fast forward 3 years and I caught him cheating (with someone else) and eventually (after threatening to call first woman's husband) admitted he'd also cheated on me when I was pregnant. I wish I'd found out then - but maybe I wouldn't have been able to cope with it?

I'm wondering if the big question is if you really want to know and if you want to know now?

I vaguely remembered seeing it somewhere before so just been looking around, it's usually in the privacy settings and called something like 'Private Space' or something similar.

You wouldn't know if there was one from the main profile though

Intuition is a powerful thing.

Just wondering, OP, if his phone ever leaves his side for at least 10 minutes?

@ThriceThriceThice God that story broke my heart.
How did you cope between the time of your initial instinct and three years later? I cannot comprehend feeling like this for such a long period of time.

Not knowing is torture. But then knowing for certain would be worse.

I'm trying to kid myself that we are going through a particularly stressful patch in our lives - cancer in the immediate family, new high pressure jobs, little kids, financial changes. And that my feeling off is just a result of that and being hormonal.

If I have no luck with the phone - I'll try again tonight. And then I'll just have to face it out and ask outright what the hell is going on.

@EpochTime Literally never. Even when he's asleep it's next to him.

Honestly Lockdown - I went into denial. I just decided that he 'wasn't that sort of man' and that I was being hormonal. I switched it off. I focussed on our children and our life together. It wasn't terrible - but wasn't lovely either and I coped.

When I found out about his affair 3 years later, I felt like the world's most stupid idiot - as well as heartbroken. Unfortunately its still took me several years to divorce the arsehole. I was properly broken by then. But I got there - and am very happy now.

Whatever the truth Lockdown - you are pregnant with his child. He should be making you feel like a queen - may be start challenging him on that? You should not be feeling this way now.

I'm trying to kid myself that we are going through a particularly stressful patch in our lives - cancer in the immediate family, new high pressure jobs, little kids, financial changes. And that my feeling off is just a result of that and being hormonal.

that was 100% me

I'll be honest I haven't read the entire thread so I don't know if this has been suggested already (sorry if it has) I did this my my ex husband who I rightly suspected was cheating... When you're out somewhere together, shops for example, leave your phone at home and then ask to use his for something 'urgent' just make something up, I think I said I had to check a payment had gone through on my online banking. If he's driving at the time, even better, then just have as much of a snoop as you can. The beauty of this is that he can't delete anything that quickly, messages may pop up while you're using it and if he outright refuses or panics then you already have your answer. Hope you get the answers you need

So I knew which train he got on to go home as he told me and looked up what time he should have been back. We've had a half an hour window where time can't be accounted for.

@henio that is such a beautifully simple and genius solution!

@thelockdown2 I'm so sorry to read your last updated - that does sound very suspicious. Sending hugs.

This is so horrible for you OP

Can you take his phone when he is asleep.

I would get in the car and go for a drive.

Then you have as long as you want. Or park outside with the phone and laptop, you can use the Wi-Fi

If notifications come through via email you can delete them easily