Husband left and can’t decide if he wants to come home or not

[Saffy980]

Hi, I need some advice. My husband walked out 4 weeks ago saying he needed space but now he’s saying he doesn’t know if he wants to come back or not. He’s living in his parents spare room while they are away (stuck for lockdown)
I’ve seen him a few times and last weekend he was lovely to me holding hands hugging snd kissed me and in front of the kids (14 and 16) said he was thinking about coming home and it would be soon but a week and a half later still not back and telling me the more I try and talk to him, text etc he’s getting angry and not wanting to come back.
We’ve been married 20 years and I had my 40th in September. He waited two weeks after my birthday to leave and even told me he’d been thinking about it for months
I’m blaming myself and thinking if I’d been less of a nag or more affectionate or just left him to go what he wanted rather than badgering him to do stuff he might not have left
I’m in agony and cannot stop crying. I don’t feel like I have the strength to just leave him to it to make his mind up. I feel as if I leave him alone he will stay away more.
Any advice please please, i feel like I want to die. I’m in bits. I love him so much and don’t want loose him.

He is not in love with you any more
Possibly seeing someone else and that's not worked out so you are his fall back option
Muster all your bravery and stif respect and tell him you are exploring your own options

For all your fighting talk you're still waiting on him coming back. Meanwhile he's fucking your DC up with his manipulation.

I have told him he needs to come and get his stuff. After what he said to my daughter I’m not sitting around waiting.
He is messed up, he’s got serious mental health issues and he thinks that this is the answer. I’ve told him I’m not playing his mind games anymore and so I’m getting on with my life with my kids in my house and he can do what he wants
And as for the comment about having to leave the house, no I don’t think I do. He has to keep a roof over the kids heads until they’re 18 and so I’m well within my rights to stay here until they finish school. I’m the primary caregiver and I work from home too so I’m always here for them. He works full time and has never ever taken time off to take them to appointments or when they’ve been ill off school.
This is half mine and as long I pay the mortgage he can’t make me leave.
I will leave when I’m ready and that’s not any time soon. I’ve already told him this and said I’m not going anywhere until I’m happy that I can find a decent place in this area for what I can afford and he can’t force me out. He left the family home and left me to look after our kids and keep things going, I am staying.

I have read the whole thread, so glad that you have made decisions for yourself!!hope you have a great Christmas with your kids, the three of you are the ones that matter in all of this.

Great update OP. Stay strong 💪

Just a lurker here wishing you & the kids the best with everything OP. Will keep following your progress x

This time next year OP you will be so happy and so glad you made the decision to finally end it. Honestly you will, regardless of what happens with the house etc you and your kids will be happy.

You sound better already!
Making your own decision is empowering.

If we get to new year and there’s no sign of him coming back then I shall be digging my heels in about the house and not budging!!!*
*
So he's still in control then
You'd still have him back between now and New Year?
OP sorry to be harsh but I really do hope that he doesn't - for yours and the kids sakes

If we get to new year and there’s no sign of him coming back then I shall be digging my heels in about the house and not budging!!!

What have I just read?

Do you want him back?

Get a solicitor.
File for divorce.

Well done op, you sound stronger today. Go and see your solicitor and find out where you stand and start to put financial controls to protect you and the dc in place in the interim

Get a solicitor and draft everything to divorce. Then you are ready. You understand what will happen and you can go from there.
I would not sit spring imaging anything will change it won't do you will have to make the changes.

Yes! Well done OP! You are sounding very strong.

Hi Op hope your doing ok

Have you managed to make an appointment ?

How's things now OP?