Breadcrumbing?

[notsurewhattodo22]

I'm feeling really down...I posted a while ago but it's no better.

I split with my ex ( if you can call it that) about a month ago. There was no real finality, we had a bit of a tiff and he said he couldn't give me what I want / need..and he wasn't prepared to.

Since then I've not seen him but he's kept in touch by text. There has been no mention about me and him...just boring stuff really. I initially tried to make it up but he said he wasn't sure and since then he's not mentioned 'us'.

It's doing my head in as I can't move on as I'm reminded everytime he texts. I also can't bring myself to ignore or block him as I still love him and there's that tiny bit of hope. I know he doesn't feel the same and he has no idea how sad I am about it. I don't want to humiliate myself going over it again.

He says he's very depressed at the moment so that keeps me there as I don't want to be nasty to him. He's been pretty bad to me though.

I feel like he's breadcrumbing me but I'm not sure....he could just be depressed and want a friend.

The lack of an ending though and then intermittent texts asking how I am is making me very confused.

He’s making you really unhappy. Really the only way to get over this is to block all contact with him. He can’t give you what you want.

Buy yourself a giant jigsaw or a Lego Death Star or a make-your-own-glittery-shit-to-fail-to-sell-on-FB-kit or somesuch so you do have something to do other than feed his attention habit when you are bored.

You know how when you flick a light switch and the light doesn’t come on, and then you flick it on and off, rapidly a few times before giving up?

The exact same pattern happens when you stop giving him what he expects. He escalates the texts like trying to get the light switch to work.

Just block him and binge watch something on Netflix.

Been there, done that.

Either block now and forget, or call him out on it: when we broke up you said you didnt want x and weren't prepared to do y. But you keep getting in touch with me. What are you trying to do here? Why do you keep messaging me if you dont want what I want?

We had a huge argument tonight. Started by text and then he called me. He was laying into me really but twisting what I said then after phoning me he said he's going he can't be doing with it.

I've drafted a text saying goodbye and that I'm blocking him...just keep hovering over the send.

Should I send or leave it?

You loon to have got into such an inevitable shit show of a conversation.

Yes, send it then instantly block, delete and vow that you never ever speaking to him again.

Going on and quizzing me...telling me I blame him for everything etc...really fucking angry.

I personally wouldn’t send it. I’d sit back and do nothing. You can make the decision in your head that you’ll never text him or respond to him again - no need to communicate that to him. I just think you might panic at the finality of it if you send it. The very worst thing you could do is send it and then crawl back a few days later because you have started to feel bad/doubt yourself/miss him too much/whatever. I speak from experience!

You stayed on the phone being shat upon instead of hanging up. It's like you are self-harming with him as the blade.

Yes froth that does worry me and I have done before! Maybe not, I don't like him getting the last word though....phoning me, blaming me and being angry then saying he's going as he's had enough. So much I want to fucking say.

I had wrote something that came across wrong but it was a huge exaggeration on his part.

And from what I've read about narcissists he would probably enjoy my long ranty text

He's waiting for your grovelling apology text, which he'll then ignore for days to get you back in line.

True!

There's either going to be a final text or nothing, can't decide which...I really don't want to give him anything but there's so much I want to say.

I was a bit taken aback on the phone...talking to me like a child.

Never heard him so angry either!!!!

Thisis such a frustrating read OP. Please just block. Don't feel guilty. It doesn't matter if he had the last word. He's an idiot and not worthy of you or your time.

OP I highly recommend this website.

It's so hard, but get away.
www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/im-not-that-woman-an-ode-for-every-woman-who-has-loved-lost-and-forgotten-her-value/

Saying we don't get on because of me and I can't admit when I'm wrong. The fucking cheek. I'm not upset actually just fuming.

I can't see a link???

'Nothing' is the best option here. Stop feeding his ego. Nothing you have to say to him will make any difference to anything.

What is happening is a faux relationship caused by lockdown boredom on both sides, with a huge side order of him wanting you fretting over him.

Op. You will never get the last word. But there is much comfort in taking control and cutting him off.

I've been where you are. The relief is overwhelming once you get over the finality of it.

Don't respond. Just block.

And stay blocked.

You'll thank us for it.

He hasn't been in touch since he put the phone down and said he's had enough!

I have never ever ever in all my years of life heard of the phrase breadcrumbing in this context. Mind is blown.

I don't think if I say anything it will register although it will make me feel better, as others say though it's just feeding his ego that I've bothered writing it!