Breadcrumbing?

[notsurewhattodo22]

I'm feeling really down...I posted a while ago but it's no better.

I split with my ex ( if you can call it that) about a month ago. There was no real finality, we had a bit of a tiff and he said he couldn't give me what I want / need..and he wasn't prepared to.

Since then I've not seen him but he's kept in touch by text. There has been no mention about me and him...just boring stuff really. I initially tried to make it up but he said he wasn't sure and since then he's not mentioned 'us'.

It's doing my head in as I can't move on as I'm reminded everytime he texts. I also can't bring myself to ignore or block him as I still love him and there's that tiny bit of hope. I know he doesn't feel the same and he has no idea how sad I am about it. I don't want to humiliate myself going over it again.

He says he's very depressed at the moment so that keeps me there as I don't want to be nasty to him. He's been pretty bad to me though.

I feel like he's breadcrumbing me but I'm not sure....he could just be depressed and want a friend.

The lack of an ending though and then intermittent texts asking how I am is making me very confused.

*explination

Yes they’re aware. It’s all about validation for them, little effort in their part gets them attention, support and the occasional shag and if you complain they can tell you how they told you they didn’t want a relationship so it’s not their fault.

Block for your own sanity.

He has told you clearly that he can't and won't give you what you want out of a relationship. Just move on, you are not part of his mental health team.

And do not sleep with him
Block
End it
Get a friend to help support you or lean on instead.

Break the cycle and breadcrumbibf or whatever it is called

A friend had a relationship that ended. They stayed amicable for a year after. She hoped it would rekindle but eventually realised that it wouldn't so she cut ties. It was then that the bloke realised that 'you never know what you've got til it's gone'.
Block your bloke on electronic means and he might - possibly - come to his senses. He knows where you live, he can still make contact in person if he really wants to.

(Friend's story ended happily ever after )

Hi there, I was in a similar situation. I can tell you it messed with my head massively, I nearly had a breakdown. I tried so hard to be friends but I loved him. It ended very, very badly and now he won’t speak to me at all.
He made it worse by occasionally hinting that we were more than friends, but really he kept me hanging on to meet his needs, for someone to text, an ego boost, to pick up and drop when he felt like it. He denied it, of course.
Don’t be like me, maintain your dignity, walk away, tell him how you feel, why you can’t be friends and then block him everywhere.

One message saying "I can't go back to being friends yet as it is too raw. Please stop messaging me for a few weeks. All the best."

If he disregards your wishes then block him

Yes he knows what he is doing and if he really cared about you he wouldn't be doing it. Please OP, please move on and choose yourself. Love shouldn't make you so sad and a man shouldn't have to lose you to know your worth, he should inherently know it. If he comes back to you it will be because he's settling for you. And fuck his MH, he clearly doesn't care a damn about yours, does he?

@Ghouliet

Yes they’re aware. It’s all about validation for them, little effort in their part gets them attention, support and the occasional shag and if you complain they can tell you how they told you they didn’t want a relationship so it’s not their fault.

Block for your own sanity.

This sums your situation up perfectly.

That's true bees he doesn't care about my mental health does he. Well, he says he does but does nothing to prove it.

I wish I could just forget about him.

I don't know what he's getting out of it either really. He seemed to always have a nice time with me! I'm just picked up and dropped.

I keep drafting a message as people have suggested but it goes against what I want. I don't want to not hear from him....but I don't want his crumbs either. I feel stuck in emotional limbo.

I think you are all right and he does know what he's doing though.

I need to view him as not a nice person...nasty in fact.

I think you are in a "Sick System"

See if this speaks to you:
www.issendai.com/psychology/sick-systems.html

postit that does sound very familiar yes.

Never liked a man as much as him though and I'm unclear why.

Intermittent reward is likely the reason.

Or the best sex ever.

Here's an article about intermittent reward and how it keeps you thinking you are in love.

tealswan.com/resources/articles/intermittent-reinforcement-why-you-cant-leave-the-relationship-r210/

I am sure you can do your own research on the impact of best sex ever

"He is dangerous and harmful to me and I don't know why. I don't know why it's having such a huge effect. Probably as I trusted him that I hadn't had sex for years due to issues and we had sex and he knew how besotted I was with him."
This a a major red flag to me. I lived something similar just before the first lockdown.
I later found out that the bloke is what is called a "covert narcissist". After I left the relation because it felt strange and not in a good way, he kept sending messages about his day at work and so on. Never a question about mine.
Just don't reply. You feel he's dangerous to you, TRUST YOUR GUT INSTINCT and don't communicate.
Good luck !

Could I just ask what breadcrumming is please?

I get it now, that it's 'breadcrumbing' as in, leaving breadcrumbs behind you for someone to follow you and pick up. AKA 'stringing someone along'.

But initially, when I first saw it, I was thinking like 'breadcrumbing' a chicken breast, like rolling it around in breadcrumbs and I didn't get it at all!

OP, this guy sounds like a total bellend and you know you need to block him and move forward. Good luck

@Groovinpeanut

Could I just ask what breadcrumming is please?

Explained upthread ^

I'd just send an honest text saying it would be better for you not to have contact with him. If he ignores that or argues against it, you know 100% he doesn't have your best interests at heart and you can block at that point, knowing you gave him the opportunity to do the right thing by you.

I really don't understand this man!

I haven't blocked as I think that would be a little childish.

I'm detaching from the situation though and only giving brief boring replies.

He's in touch all the fucking time though, like nearly all day.

I can't get his thought process, what does he get out of just texting??? Doesn't he want something more.

He probably senses you’re pulling away and needs to pull you back in.

Blocking isn't childish.
Blocking is putting yourself first.

If you are you thinking that if you block him, hell forget about you, that is seldom the case. He knows you exist. When a man wants to contact, they'll do it.

Be kind to yourself and block him.

He sounds just like the man I was involved with. Thought we could flit between feelings and sex and then back to friends, if I questioned it, I was trying to cause an argument, if I sent texts ending it, again, I was trying to cause an argument... always on his terms.. ALWAYS!!

Looking back, I wish I had just blocked him with no explanation and worked through my feelings on my own.
I hope you’re ok.

I wish I could just forget about him

I'm so sorry you are being treated so badly

Please, lean on us and trust us, we have been through exactly this and been equally fooled into thinking that he is a good guy who cares for you but just doesn't want to be in a relationship with you

He has relegated you to the b-list, incase he doesn't get any action--

The most powerful way forward is the take control, accept he doesn't want you on your terms and block him. Your life will be so.much.better without him.