Breadcrumbing?

[notsurewhattodo22]

I'm feeling really down...I posted a while ago but it's no better.

I split with my ex ( if you can call it that) about a month ago. There was no real finality, we had a bit of a tiff and he said he couldn't give me what I want / need..and he wasn't prepared to.

Since then I've not seen him but he's kept in touch by text. There has been no mention about me and him...just boring stuff really. I initially tried to make it up but he said he wasn't sure and since then he's not mentioned 'us'.

It's doing my head in as I can't move on as I'm reminded everytime he texts. I also can't bring myself to ignore or block him as I still love him and there's that tiny bit of hope. I know he doesn't feel the same and he has no idea how sad I am about it. I don't want to humiliate myself going over it again.

He says he's very depressed at the moment so that keeps me there as I don't want to be nasty to him. He's been pretty bad to me though.

I feel like he's breadcrumbing me but I'm not sure....he could just be depressed and want a friend.

The lack of an ending though and then intermittent texts asking how I am is making me very confused.

@notsurewhattodo22

He hasn't been in touch since he put the phone down and said he's had enough!

See? You're still hanging on wating for his texts. Block him and take control of your life.

You need to block him ASAP! He is so not worth your time OP.

Block and move on OP.

He’s a narcissist.. block him now without a goodbye. The goodbye will be fuel for him, he’ll enjoy the drama. Block him, go for a long walk, do anything to distract yourself. If it helps post here for support.

Have you looked up Limerence, you maybe suffering.

Please don’t let things end as badly as mine did.

Oh for heaven's sake. Ypu are co-optong intp thos drama and it is not healthy. At all.

Say something like. "Thos situation really isn't working anymore and is unhealthy for both. We should not stay in contact"

The block before he even replies.

I have done this. It felt hard but then i acknowledged my patterns in the dynamic and it was easy. I was fed up with my phone being my enemy

You are all right this is fucking ridiculous.

He always makes me feel like I'm to blame and I go back grovelling. It's because with a normal person you explain your point of view, they theirs etc and it's resolved. With him any slight criticism is taken out of context and the wrong way....I then over explain.

Anything I say in humour is a criticism of him. I think a lot of it is I feel I need to defend myself.

I do feel as though I need him to validate where I'm coming from and always have ☹

I've never heard him so angry as last night...

I'm in a horrible cycle here and I don't like it. I'm pretty sure if I don't contact he wont.

He's treated me so shit though I really want to tell him.....really want to but then I'm not strong enough to deal with if he says something back.

Just. Block. Him.

The end.

And breathe!

Imagine Christmas without all of this hurt and upset.

Here's how you have your last word. You get the phone. Pull up a picture of him. Rant at it. Maybe play act his responses, which must become increasingly bonkers. Then dramatically block him, delete everything ,flip your hair and flounce off to the wine aisle at Waitrose. Voila the catharsis of the rant without the fucker spoiling it by turning it round on you.

I'm not going to send the text even though it's written. I'm going to do nothing which is really bloody difficult.

Really want to as I'm so bloomin annoyed but it's pointless. I'm sick of everything I do being wrong.

I know it's still a shit situation, but have you noticed how much stronger you sound now compared to when you started the thread feeling helpless?

Yes user I do feel stronger, just hope it lasts as I waver.

Last night was so ridiculous though...the whole thing is. I've had enough of being upset over and over and grovelling to him and everything being my fault.

We fell out last night over a silly thing that wouldn't bother most people. Again it was because I wasn't doing something to his liking. I stood up for myself for once and that's when he got angry.

Just. Walk. Away.

You are in this drama too. It is not good for you. But at the moment you are buying in to it.

But initially, when I first saw it, I was thinking like 'breadcrumbing' a chicken breast, like rolling it around in breadcrumbs and I didn't get it at all!

Me too. I was thinking along the lines of breadcrumbs on a gratin and couldn’t work it out at all.
Interesting - an image from old fairy tales becoming a modern expression.

@StrippedFridge that sounds so easy!

I don't know what's wrong with me...previously I've been upset ( like at the start of this thread) now I'm cross.

I've noticed he's deleted me from an online thing we were friends on. I've not mentioned it or said a word.

Is really just walking away the best way to deal with this? He has treated me so shoddily and silly me just takes it. I might get angry with him but I know it will backfire and get twisted. This man has never apologised once I should add. I have 100s of times.

Can't help thinking the deleting me is to provoke me and it's working!!!!!

Months ago I did similar and I was told how petty and childish I was, and of course apologised.

You don't have to react to him or respond or do anything. You have broken up. You need to put all this energy into trying to get over him. This drama is just going to drag out forever as long as you let it. Block him on everything!

I think it's more difficult because of lockdown and limited social/work opportunities.

Having had a similar saga myself, I think youre frustrated because you aren't able to hit back by telling you what you really think.

Thats not a problem I had. It's remarkably liberating. I do recall telling my ex that "although he had a good upbringing, he behaved like someone out of the Jeremy Kyle show" and that his behaviour was "grim because it was only him and sleazy men off Tinder that thought lining up one woman while having sex with another was OK". Oh, and I told him he was "visibly mentally declining due to his lifestyle, and that it was sad to see". I've always had a way with words (he cheated on me).

I'm really upset now 😪

I want to question him on why he's so horrible to me but that won't get me anywhere will it.

He does everything he does because you let him. There's no other reason.

You're spending all your energy wondering why he does it...because he can. Remove yourself from the drama and get some peace.

You sound as though you're stuck in a tole he has assigned to you, and you sant break free.

So do what he doesn't expect you to do to take your power back. Whether thars blocking him or giving him a piece of your mind, like I do. Not much point in questioning him as you will only get lies back or be ignored. He has no sanctions left to use on you. So take back your resiect.

Personally, I think you gave to be very non 8bested and secure for blocking to work, and it tends to just cause festering resentment in me if I do it with someone I'm in a "saga" with. Different if it's a relatively brief relationship.

Give him a piece of your mind! Don't hold back!

@notsurewhattodo22

I'm really upset now 😪

I want to question him on why he's so horrible to me but that won't get me anywhere will it.

A) are you a therapist?

B) What would be an acceptable answer from him?

If I give him a piece of my mind I know the answer:

" this is ridiculous as always it's getting us nowhere so let's leave this" ...he will enjoy my anger and be all calm in response. I can guarantee the response.

I want to but it won't register....and I will be made out to be crazy, of course it's fine for him to shout at me like last night.

It's always him saying as he pleases with no consequences whatsoever. Sick of him getting away with it and I've got so much I want to say!

What do you even mean want to say?

Do you mean you want him to agree with you on loads of things? You want him to not belittle your feelings and opinions?

Why the obsession with his thought process?

I mean I want to stand up for myself and tell him how he spoke to me was unacceptable....he's not treated me very nicely and has never acknowledged that.