Breadcrumbing?

[notsurewhattodo22]

I'm feeling really down...I posted a while ago but it's no better.

I split with my ex ( if you can call it that) about a month ago. There was no real finality, we had a bit of a tiff and he said he couldn't give me what I want / need..and he wasn't prepared to.

Since then I've not seen him but he's kept in touch by text. There has been no mention about me and him...just boring stuff really. I initially tried to make it up but he said he wasn't sure and since then he's not mentioned 'us'.

It's doing my head in as I can't move on as I'm reminded everytime he texts. I also can't bring myself to ignore or block him as I still love him and there's that tiny bit of hope. I know he doesn't feel the same and he has no idea how sad I am about it. I don't want to humiliate myself going over it again.

He says he's very depressed at the moment so that keeps me there as I don't want to be nasty to him. He's been pretty bad to me though.

I feel like he's breadcrumbing me but I'm not sure....he could just be depressed and want a friend.

The lack of an ending though and then intermittent texts asking how I am is making me very confused.

Remember who you were before. That's still you. This is a blip. Somebody pushed you to the floor but you can get up again back to normal

Replied to pm...thanks x

@notsurewhattodo22 how are you today?

Hi thank you for asking...

Very up and down today....😪 go from being okay to non stop crying. Desperately wanting to contact him but haven't.

Well done for not contacting. I haven't been upset today and also haven't contacted mine but definitely wanted to. I keep telling myself that I'll contact him in a few months and see if anything has changed but the best thing for me to do is never contact him again. Feel like I'll never have him out of my head. Hope things get better OP

This is clear addiction. You must go cold turkey and have no further contact. In time, the cravings will lessen and you'll wonder the fuck why you let this awful person mess with your head to the point him messaging/not messaging rules your emotions and indeed your whole life.

Thanks, well done to you too. I just want him out of my head too.

So awful going through this, I've been here 4 times with him too.

I was okay the first couple of times after a few weeks then he came back and it happened again.

I know I'm addicted and it's harmful to me.

Well done. I know another person upthread mentioned the dopamine fix of abusive relationships and I said in a previous post about the dopamine hit we get when our phones spring into life with a message. This will be part of what you are craving. I’m 3 weeks into not contacting someone and the feeling of wanting to contact is a till there but it has less of a tight grip, and I can now talk myself out of it.

You’re doing brilliantly.

It helps posting here, I miss him loads. Thanks for listening and helping.

I honestly can't see how I'm strong enough not to contact him. I honestly feel this fall out is all my fault. This is all my doing....he was so angry with me. I know that's subjective.

Just want it to stop. I should never have let him get back in touch the last 3 times, he can't now anyway.

@hurtleandblister how did you stop yourself?

I know I can as I have before but it was such hard work.

I tell myself if I still feel the same way tomorrow, I’ll message tomorrow. When it comes to tomorrow, it’s generally eased until I feel it again at another point of the day... so I tell myself the same thing. I just try to be kind to myself in acknowledging that this is someone that it’s very understandable that I want to speak to/message rather than give myself a hard time that the feeling is still there. It will probably be there for a good while yet and I accept that.

Keep posting op and let out all your feelings on here rather than text him. So many women have been in your shoes including me.
Mine followed the same script as all the others. I blocked even though it broke my heart. I’m 5 months on and he still crosses my mind, not with sadness now but rage that someone had made such a fool of me.
Blocking is the best thing to do, you need to break the addiction, weaning won’t work, cold turkey will. I do know how painful it will be but in 3 months I promise you that you will feel better and the spell will be broken. It’s a very hard lesson learned, no one will ever fool you again.

I know it will be okay eventually, I'm just annoyed I've let myself be in this position with him so many times and it's worse each time.

This is the final time, as you feel I also feel I've been made a fool of and strung along.

Thanks for talking on here everyone x

He's made me feel crazy!

Self talk is a really powerful thing, you have no need to feel embarrassed or angry with yourself and the idea that you are crazy couldn’t be further from the reality.

Tell us about your hobbies and interests - what activities/things make you light up?

I feel embarrassed and crazy. I can't keep it together, just found a present he bought me and started crying.

Interests - I like running but haven't been for ages, my kids. Can't really do much in lockdown.

I run! Best no-dose antidepressant around! What’s your distance? Can you make a plan to make it happen? Do you get much fresh air during the day at all?

You are not crazy. You have nothing to be embarrassed about.

I can only do about a mile at mo...not been for ages!

I don't get out much really as I'm wfh I have to hang about the house..I should get more fresh air, not been out for 2 days!

Thank you for being so kind.

Only a mile! No such thing as only... a mile is a huge distance!

Do you have a lunch break? Or some kind of break in the day? Would it be possible tomorrow to plan for a 20 minute brisk walk? Fresh air is an AMAZING thing, there’s nothing like it, nature does wonders for a sore heart and exhausted head.

Do you have Spotify? The headspace podcasts/playlists are great, again small things to try to give your head a bit of a rest.

@Saladfingersscareme love the username.

When I look seriously at what I'm missing it's not much. It's someone who made minimal effort, wasn't willing to be there for me, made me miserable a lot of the time and could put me down.

Why do I miss this so much!!! I am wanting what I want him to be not what he is I think.

Yes I have spotify and a lunch break, I could get myself out, I did for a while and was walking every day until this happened.

I started to chat and see a chap I was seeing before current partner. He loved bombed me. Very quickly said he was in deep, very heavy and mainly online/thousands of texts etc and only a few actual dates......

Anyway, it was early days and I said I would be seeing another man for lunch he weren't exclusive and merely lunch and he up and turned and made be feel like shit..... I'd 'betrayed him' he felt I had cheated.... etc etc went cold immediately....

He then suggested being 'friends' ...we texted because he wanted to see how he felt..... he breadcrumbed me.... it's shitty because you feel like you have done something wrong..... he sent lovely - your wonderful messages....but he needed time out to think.... more nice messages but cold compared to the start and the love bomb stuff.....

It really messes with the head. In the end I told him to bugger off..... I went for total block and never contacted him again ...best way.....
men like that (or women) really mess with the head and play games - not worth it at all.

Walk away---- in fact run away....block and go non contact

That sounds similar. Started here with 1000s of texts constantly but always issues with timing...of course saying how amazing I was. First on when we were texting i went on a date and he went crazy too! That was before we started being on / off.

A complete mindfuck isn't it!

I should have told him to buggr off a year ago really. Completely played me.