Did your abuser ever say sorry?

[Pebbledashery]

Did your abuser ever admit s/he abused you and say sorry?
If he took you to Court for contact with children did s/he show remorse?
My ex is taking me to the Family Court but has so far not accepted one modicum of responsibility for his actions. Be interested to see how common it is for abusers to then say they were the victim.

@ReginaaPhalange I'm so sorry, that's absolutely horrific. I'm glad your parents are wonderful and have supported you 😘. There's just no words 😢😢. Hopefully he dies soon!!
Can I ask how you're coping now in adult life? X

@Pebbledashery I have major trust issues and don't have the best confidence in the justice system

@ReginaaPhalange can complete understand on both of those points. You've been failed by the police. Massively..I'm sorry he's walking around free.. He doesn't deserve to be free.
I hope you have good support around you. And know that people do believe you.. The police failed you hugely x

No, wouldn't expect one either because his reality is different to mine. It's actually ok with me that he doesn't apologise as it reinforces the narcissist that he is and a reminder that I escaped that and have been happier ever since!

@Pebbledashery I moved away from the area and I know he has too. No idea where he is and I never want to find out. I've purposely searched for them on Facebook to block them all (him and his family) but I couldn't find them

@blankiesandunicorns that's a good way to look at it. I think the fact they never apologise is a good thing.. Like you say it just re-enforces their character.
My ex would rather die than apologise to me.. Punching me in the face is my fault because I provoked him!

@ReginaaPhalange really hope he doesn't have children of his own 😢

@Pebbledashery he has 3. He had a very VERY young baby son when he abused me.

He actually told his middle child (a daughter who kept saying she wished I was her sister) "I wish XX (my name) was your sister too"

How messed up is that

@ReginaaPhalange oh god that's absolutely horrendous. He needs help..
I wonder how he would react if he ever saw you again in the street or something. I hope his blood would run cold. Please god hope those children have never been affected also 😢😢. You seem incredibly brave and strong. Xx

@PamDemic it's because everything is our fault..nothing would ever be their fault. Its our fault they hit us or call us horrendous names.

Pebbledashery

When he died I was very upset actually. I was shocked at how emotional I was.
I was a right mess on the morning of his funeral. Our son together really supported me that morning.

I’ve had lots of counselling over the years and the abuse is always discussed.

My ex was ill for 2 years with cancer before he died and I felt I still had choices and he had none.

I actually blame my parents for turning a blind eye as did many others at the time.
A real wall of silence.

I’ve made peace with it now.

@ihatethecold I'm glad you've made peace and can understand the emotions. It's almost like trauma bonding.
I wish I could say I'd be upset if my ex died.. I would never revel in someone's death but I'd be a liar if I said I wouldn't feel relieved or free.

@PamDemic sorry to hear you had another abusive relationship.. That's one fear I have now.. My ex has now paved the way for someone else to potentially abuse me.. I'd rather be single forever and a good mother than invite abuse into our lives again.

Nope, no apology. Many many years later he did contact me to tell me he regretted the end of our relationship as I was in his eyes now the one that got away. Yes, I did get away you horrible man.

Mine begged and pleaded and snivelled. At the time it was to shift the floor beneath me, so that I felt sorry for him, even though he had just raped me.

He admitted it for 5 years, until it came to custody issues, where he lied like the abuser he is. In fact the parenting assessor believed him so much that she said that he needed protection from my false rape allegations.

They will apologise only if they can use it to manipulate you. They aren't actually sorry. They are laughing about how gullible we are.

@Pebbledashery

Mine was a woman but it makes no odds. Being told you're weird for being at your lowest low is a kick in the nads, whether you've got nads or not.

@Eckhart abuse is abuse at the end of the day. Mother, father, husband, wife, girlfriend or boyfriend its all encompassing. Hope you're in a much better place now.

@chickenyhead so so sorry this happened to you. What a bastard.
You're very right though. They'll only apologise if it gets them something. My ex is so arrogant I don't think he'll ever apologise. Our daughter is just collateral just to get to me.

@NotSurprisedReally love that. I imagine what life would be like if we stayed in our abusive relationships. Categorically in mine, one of us would be dead.

No. Neither of them. Not in their nature.

@diggadoo complete bastard.

No never . I didn't have a single happy day of married life . My ex thinks he was the victim in our relationship . Police , GDAS & the court thought otherwise . Nothing will ever change his mind . I find that level of self delusion fascinating & terrifying.