Did your abuser ever say sorry?

[Pebbledashery]

Did your abuser ever admit s/he abused you and say sorry?
If he took you to Court for contact with children did s/he show remorse?
My ex is taking me to the Family Court but has so far not accepted one modicum of responsibility for his actions. Be interested to see how common it is for abusers to then say they were the victim.

@Pebbledashery it's the first step of removing children from parents care once they are on the child protection register.
Very happily SS removed them from the register after just 3 months...but I had to stop 'abusing' my dc by demonstrating that I understood the need for them to see their father. So I did....and he showed his true colours by barely turning up for contact shouting in meetings etc..
Ss left our lives as quickly as they entered...the only complaint they ever received about me or my parenting was from him.
They see father now as per the court order, and I dare say will vote with their feet once they are old enough.

So many amazing women on this thread. Mumma Bears - hold on, one day at a time x

I feel so lucky to have had a positive experience of social services so far.. The social worker we had was a child protection officer.. She was very blunt with me and said ultimately if I chose to stay then my daughter would be removed from my care. The day my ex punched me in the face in front of our daughter is the day I knew that was it. Ex is now saying I voluntarily removed DD from the home and now I'm purposely obstructing contact and therefore alienating him 🙄... Also he's claiming to be the victim...

@justanotherkid

I too was blamed by the SS for ‘parental alienation’: the man had gone to another country and had refused to engage in family court so that we could have an enforceable court order. I had sought advice after advice after advice from some very well known names in international child disputes to try to find a safe way for our child to visit and every single one said the same thing: if I never wanted to see our child again just go ahead and send without a court order.

But I ‘chose’ to keep our child from their father, according to the social workers and IRO (who knew they were legal experts on complex international child law as well as CP workers - SO MANY HATS these SWs wear)

@Pebbledashery they all claim they’re the victim - it’s the hill on which they will die (them and everyone else in their way if they can get away with it)

@Pebbledashery he wants the non-mol over turned.
I have no idea what to expect but not looking forward to it!

@Smellbellina is this your first hearing? Don't be frightened. There's a reason a non molestation order is served. It severely undermines the judge who ordered it if its revoked. What I will say you to is do not under any circumstances accept an undertaking it means absolutely sod all.. Its just a useless promise to the Court. I'm pretty certain the non molestation order I have won't get discharged as my exes statement is full of laughable lies that aren't evidenced..Don't let him intimidate you.. You must reiterate to the Court you are living in fear of your safety and he only wants it discharged so he can harass you without being arrested. Stress its the only thing protecting you from him.
There's a reason they get served.. Without him evidencing anything it won't get discharged.. My ex said I punched him in the face but that particular incident he's referring to his face was completely in tact.. And I had blood coming out of my nose and on the wall in the house and the police officers saw the state of me. He has no integrity.. Don't be fearful and stress the court has to protect you and that you will not accept an undertaking xxx

Second. I’m just thinking whatever the outcome he will know my position and know there is no coming back from this.

There's a reason he's your ex xx

My solicitor hasn’t turned up!

Is your hearing today??? Are you in court or on phone

@Smellbellina I hope your ok! Xx

It's the hardest thing I found, because it's letting go of the expectation or realisation that they are the same as you. , They (aren't), and it's always about them and protecting themselves... ....

Paraphrased this slightly, but this is absolutely brilliant and spot on. The 'realising they are not the same as you thing' is something I still struggle with.'

They aren't the same as us, because they treat people like dirt. Normal people don't behave the way they do x

It was today, the solicitor did turn up they got lost in the court!
It was all fine I am soooooo relieved!

Did it stay in place? not revoked?
PHEW! x