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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Online dating in your 40s - Part 2

982 replies

StarlightSparkle · 30/10/2020 12:30

New thread as I don’t think we are anywhere near done on this subject!

OP posts:
VivaVegas · 16/11/2020 07:45

That's a trick one Angel if it were me I'd ask if he is looking for a relationship as that is what you are looking for, rather than a friendship and see what he says.

Mr Scot as I shall call him (supposed to name them aren't we?) out of the blue suggested a call and a meet, so had a chat last night, and are meeting for a walk this week. He's nice, obviously quite clever but possibly a bit too sensible for me although we have lots in common and I quite like his photos do we'll see. He said he'll bring a flask and cake 😀

The one who disappeared (Mr check) came back, apologised for not replying and we've been messaging since. He has suggested a phone chat this week. He is the nearest to me, older child and for me the most attractive. However he he said he's had about 7 short relationships since he separated 2 years ago and after last week I don't need another player.

The one the furthest away (Mr pilot) has suggested a call this week too and maybe a walk at the weekend. He was the keenest on Match but now we've moved to WhatsApp he's gone quieter.

I got super swiped on Bumble yesterday for the first time ever (I never have any success on there) he's very local, nice photos but is 9 years older than me. I'm happy to go 9 years younger but that just seems too old. I'm intrigued though and although he turned out to be an idiot, seeing someone local last week was so much easier. I'm going to see what happens with the others first as they could come to nothing and if they go I might match with him and see if he bothers to reply.

I've never been messaging do many in one go, I normally just end up with one or none so I can only assume it's because they are all stuck at home!

Isitreally77 · 16/11/2020 08:47

Am I the only one who cringes when the first message is how beautiful they think I am?

Angelofdeath · 16/11/2020 09:05

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VivaVegas · 16/11/2020 09:06

Isit I do because it's only a photo, and I wouldn't dream of sending a first message to a man saying how handsome they are!

VivaVegas · 16/11/2020 09:13

Angel I would like someone local as I'm quite restricted with my time as I have my son 2/3rds of the time.
Flaky from last week was the first guy I've dated nearby and it was so much easier as we met for a coffee during the day for our second date and I could just pop out for a couple of hours to do that, can't do that when they're an hour away. However that's not good if they're an ar*e other than I'm highly likely to bump into him (and as him what the f he was playing at!).

Mr Scot is an hour away bug works nearer to me, however had his teenage daughter most of the time. We both have full on jobs so in the back of my mind I wonder how on earth we'd see each other!

Angelofdeath · 16/11/2020 09:25

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pineappleonpizzaornot · 16/11/2020 10:08

@Mayzee -No I didnt really fancy meeting after 4 messages asking me to meet him, then over the weekend he messaged me for a 5th time with his mobile number! BLOCKED!
@Angelofdeath - I would love to meet someone local too, but my town seems to be full of Fen Monsters Confused. As for meeting Mr Friendship, thats a bit odd, I mean you meet as friends for the first time anyway dont you?? You dont say to your mum "Oh I have a boyfriend now, but I havent met him yet, Ive only seen a pic!" Bit odd putting a label on the first meeting? I think I would feel like I was auditioning for a part (which I know we all are, but he has kind of took the fun out of it)
@Isitreally77 - I hope you are taking it easy after your accident, and not letting Mr Computer Geek mess you around!
@VivaVegas - good luck, sounds like you have plenty of irons in the running!!
Im not talking to a single soul, received loads of messages over the weekend, but they are just awful - the usual "Beautiful", "I would", [sceptical], and the usual ones that just say "Hi"!

pineappleonpizzaornot · 16/11/2020 10:09

was supposed to be Hmm lol

Angelofdeath · 16/11/2020 10:33

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VivaVegas · 16/11/2020 10:34

pineapple it's strange as the quality of men in my town is awful too. And it's a nice place, no idea where all the nice, single men hang out. They're clearly not on Match, Bumble or Hinge!

Isitreally77 · 16/11/2020 11:41

@pineappleonpizzaornot ironically it was Mr Computer Geek that nagged me to go see a doctor and then told me to take it easy when I get back in the gym. Maybe he isn't all bad.

pineappleonpizzaornot · 16/11/2020 12:01

@Angelofdeath - I really haven't spent any time looking, it just depresses me....hoping for a flurry of new faces in the Spring! Im sure people must see my profile and they think "FFS its her again!" like I think about them! You end up disliking people just because they keep popping up, they may be very nice people Grin
@Isitreally77 - I actually am thinking men are ALL bad...maybe thats why my love life is such a shitty none existent pile of crap!
@VivaVegas - Do we live in the same town Grin

I must think positive

Wannabegreenfingers · 16/11/2020 12:05

Hello,

Can I join please. I'm tentatively dipping my toe. I tried a couple of months back on OLD and it was awful. I've now signed up to Match and the calibre does seem to be better. I've had chats with 3 men in a week, one I binned off (nicely) almost straight away as we just didn't have anything in common. One seemed really keen, but cancelled on a walking date and I haven't heard anything since, so can't be interested and the other, seems very keen, but I'm not sure.

I've had a couple where the messages haven't gone anywhere. They had great profiles, but when it came to messaging they were both really flat. I've also sent a few messages and not got replies.

Feels like a lot of hard work. I'd love to meet someone special, but don't want all this nonsense!!

Any tips for a newbie??

Angelofdeath · 16/11/2020 12:18

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fuckedandbombed · 16/11/2020 12:47

Well I've been old for a year and I'm totally disheartened. Just not feeling it at all.

Wannabegreenfingers · 16/11/2020 13:09

I found OLD awful, basically men just wanting rude pics. I'm no prude, but heck, let's have a few dates first.

I think I'm going to have to dip in and out to keep my sanity. I've got a phone call with Mr Keen tomorrow night, let's see how it goes.

pineappleonpizzaornot · 16/11/2020 13:28

I dont know why they ant indecent pics f us when they dont even know us! I couldn't think of anything worse from a man....just had a swipe through my app.....wish I hadn't bothered!

pineappleonpizzaornot · 16/11/2020 14:15

*want

Isitreally77 · 16/11/2020 15:42

Mr Legal Finance has gone quiet on me. He did say his app worked intermittently but not sure how much I believe that. Shame as he looked quite nice and seemed quite pleasant.

It seems like Mr Computer Geek is the only one that is talking to me now.🤨 and we all know what that is currently doing to me.

pineappleonpizzaornot · 16/11/2020 16:33

@Isitreally77 - Ive never known so many men lose their phones and the app doesnt work properly Grin

Angelofdeath · 16/11/2020 16:57

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Isitreally77 · 16/11/2020 16:58

@pineappleonpizzaornot glad its not just meGrin

Angelofdeath · 16/11/2020 21:58

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VivaVegas · 16/11/2020 22:50

Angel do they really think that's going to attract the ladies, I mean seriously!

Angelofdeath · 17/11/2020 02:34

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