Husband attacked teenage son

[Throwawaynameforthis]

On Saturday night my husband pinned DS to the floor.

We were playing a family game and DS (14) was being annoying, escalating to rudeness. He accused me of “smacking him” which I absolutely did not do.

I took myself out of the room for a minute and the next thing I hear is H yelling, DD15 shouting at H to stop and DD9 sobbing.

As I walk into room DS is legging it out the house looking terrified, quickly followed by DD. From what I can work out H picked DS up by then lapels and got him on floor and was telling him he’d “show him what a smack is”.

I found DS quickly and then DD and went home. H apologised to the DC but I’m so angry. I don’t know what to do. This has been escalating for months.

Is this it? Is there any recovering from this? For me or the DC?

Throwawaynameforthis

H is his dad.

They have a tempestuous relationship. I love DS dearly but he can be obnoxious and arrogant. He will never back down from an argument and reacts badly if told off.

I'm sorry I haven't read all of the thread but I disagree with people their was no need for your husband to pin him to the floor but you leave the family home DS behavior will be seen as tolerable and he will think he can get away with anything. Yes he's a teenager but this is what happens alot now mothers will back bad behaviour and this is how it will escalate and he'll think he's invincible.

"I read it that your son shoved across you, putting his arse in your face"

How did you read this, @rashalert? She said he was leaning across her to get something. Bringing his genitals into it is inappropriate.

@rashalert you seem to have a fairly severe comprehension problem. Do you always struggle to understand simple statements.

I shall repeat what I said pages back:

DS then leant across me (to grab the dice or snacks) so that his torso was right across me

His torso was across me.
He didn’t shove his arse in my face. Or anything else.
His boxers were not in my face.

The fact that you have interpreted a very clear statement as something it clearly wasn’t suggests it’s you who enjoys “re-writing history” not me

I'm astonished at the way some people are twisting what the OP has said to make out that her ds is some kind of dangerous delinquent and therefore deserved to be assaulted by his dad who heroically "took the little tosser in hand" while his mother abdicated all parental responsibility. Seriously?

Yes, it sounds like the kid was being a right royal pain in the arse, but that's what teenagers do. The OP's ds clearly has some obnoxious and annoying traits but he doesn't sound like he is going off the rails as some people are so eager to suggest. Tbh, he doesn't sound terribly different to any other averagely opinionated, somewhat self-centred teenage boy...and even if he was, that wouldn't be a reason to assault him!

As for the OP walking away, why are people so eager to paint her as weak, detached or irresponsible. Surely she was just walking away to diffuse a trivial situation that had the potential to escalate for no good reason?

It's utterly bizarre how far people will twist things in order to ensure that a man doesn't have to be held responsible for his own actions!

He sounds a most unpleasant little shit.

That's a child that you are talking about. You don't sound very pleasant yourself tbh.

I’ve been extremely clear about what DS is like. As I said he can be obnoxious and arrogant. I’ve also said that he is smart, engaged, excels at school and sport and and is a good friend who mostly does what he’s asked in terms of helping round the house.

He does however enjoy winding his parents up and I appreciate all the parents of teenagers who who have responded and acknowledged that - shock horror! - teenagers can be pains in the arse.

@rashalert Teenagers can be arseholes, but it's not an excuse for abuse (no matter how you try and swing it).

@rashalert Quite right I won’t apologise

You accused my DS of shoving his arse (or cock!) in my face. I was very clear what happened. He leant across me to reach something. No shoving, no aggression, certainly nothing sexually inappropriate.

You also insist on referring to him as a little shit and say that it’s only a matter of time until his behaviour deteriorates into something awful which is nonsensical.

Very well summarised @AlexaShutUp

Your posts are very disturbing in so many different ways, @Rashalert

@rashalert

You sound really, really angry and really, really disturbed. Maybe have a calm down if you're getting this irate over a thread by a total stranger. You don't have to keep returning all wound up. Chill.

Do you think it was sexual? Why is that even in your head? How very distasteful.

@rashalert You mentioned his "cock" and hyperfocused on this relatively unimportant incident of leaning over to pick something up. YOU made it sexually inappropriate, not OP.

@rashalert you are very odd.

You referenced him shoving his cock in my face thus fairly clearly implying something sexually inappropriate. Unless you live in a world where you think someone shoving genitals in your face is not sexually inappropriate. In which case I suggest you get support.

Anyway I can see your posts are being deleted so it’s fairly obvious who is being the idiot here.

Oh do one @rashalert

I would act immediately or you will damage your relationship with DS. You should ask your H to leave.

As for some of the weird shit being said, shut the fuck up.

@rashalert

What a strange remark. I didn't say he was sexually inappropriate, rather absolutely disrespectful. Do you think it was sexual? Why is that even in your head? How very distasteful.

Your husband doesn't seem as enamoured of your son and no doubt he is having to listen to all your apologist nonsense on behalf of your son. Poor sod. He must have been inflamed with your son and, who can blame.

Luckily unlike your husband (for now at least) I can say ta ta!

Come back and read your thread in ten years time.

You mentioned OP's sons cock. A child's cock. That nobody else mentioned. So yeah, you have been totally bizarre. You're so angry, your messages are really strange. I hope you're OK because you don't seem very well.

@nolovelost

Oh do one *@rashalert*

PMSL. I reported Rashalert (and am probably not the only one) for calling someone else's 14 yr old a shit. I didn't even mention the weird fixation on the 14 yr old's genitalia.

MN was a bit odd 18 yrs ago, but it really has not aged well.

So your DS is rude and your reaction is to ignore it and walk away? Isn’t this forcing your DH to be the one to parent him and try to deal with his behaviour alone? Clearly he’s done wrong here but maybe he has felt you’re not parenting together and has had the weight of this put solely on his shoulders? If your DS is rude, you should be working together to address this before he turns into a rude adult - walking away and ignoring it is not parenting anymore than smacking him or threatening him is.

Since this, you say your DH has been willing to engage in discussing this with someone just your DS won’t and thinks there isn’t a problem! Clearly he doesn’t see his behaviour as being an issue then? He really needs you to get this in hand and stop allowing him to behave like this. I would report it to your GP and get some support for him, regardless of whether he wants it. He can’t behave like this and ruin family life.

Going to make the counter point here. I dont think your HB needs to leave the house. You need to sit down together and work our how to deal with your sons attitude/actions. Sounds like he acts like a little shit and your HB snapped. Violence isnt the answer but as long as he understands that then you can move forwards. Your son needs dealing with for both his and your benefits.

I love how quick we are to throw names at children on Mumsnet! I myself at fourteen was a little shit, but it would have done me absolutely no favours to have grown adults call me such [sceptical]