I've wasted money and made myself obsessed.

[Marmalade414]

I've been a real idiot the last month. I'm currently wide awake as tonight was the night everything needed to stop.

I developed a strong intense crush a month ago. Was so sure the man felt the same. In my desperation I turned to a psychic who I've used before. I do trust her. She picked up he liked me and saw him opening up. She said he was recovering from a relationship though so was going to take a while to untangle things.

Then I discovered esty readers. How stupid am I! I've tried 8 this last two weeks. Absolutely every single one fed me different stuff.

I was so desperate to know. Then today I realised how stupid I've been. Nothings happened. He didn't approach me. . I left an honest review on a psychic page because she told me he'd give me his number. He didn't. She has since been private emailing me to say she will deal with my review publicly. Then she's tried to say he knows my address and just because I'm impatient doesn't mean it won't happen. Then she told me she didn't think my personality is nice like she read after all. Charming!!

Anyway I'm upset at my stupidity. But also I'm upset at how desperately obsessed I got over this man.

I went back to the psychic I trust tonight. She said a spirit is blocking him because he's too much like the men in my history. Apparently he's gone from being a sweet guy ready to open up but nervous. To abit of a player.

I'm so stupid.

The thing I've found out in my life is that things seem to happen for a reason. I was gazumped, but the house I eventually bought was much better. When my first marriage broke up, I was desperate to either get him back or to find someone new, and I too consulted a psychic. It was because I was wanting something to happen fast. I read something into everything she said, and I'm still waiting for most of it!!
I truly believe that good things come to you when you're settled and happy in yourself. When you aren't looking. My (2nd) husband was an online friend. Truly a friend, like a pen pal. When we eventually met, it was because I was going to be fairly near to him for a family event, and we thought it might be nice to meet for a coffee. We were both happy with our lives, not looking for anyone new, and just thought that we would revert back to our online friendship. We still 16 years on , talk about that magical day, when everything changed for both of us. I believe it was because we didn't have any expectations, and we were both happy and settled. One day, @Marmalade414, I think you will look back on this time in your life, and laugh gently at yourself, forgive yourself the money wasted, and realise that things really do happen for a reason. I still think back to Malcolm, a man I really liked, but who didn't feel the same way. We met on a blind date, and he said he would call back, and never did. The psychic told me he would..... Looking back, there were a couple of red flags, which I ignored, and I had a really lucky escape!

OP

Your money was not wasted

You learned a valuable lesson

This disgusting con woman made millions by exploiting vulnerable people, much of it under the guise of "removing blockages"

www.hamhigh.co.uk/news/crime-court/juliette-d-souza-found-guilty-of-1million-shaman-faith-healing-fraud-1-3621364

www.hamhigh.co.uk/news/crime-court/how-many-more-lives-did-juliette-d-souza-ruin-conwoman-s-royal-free-and-camden-council-links-revealed-1-3628986

Psychics are charlatans. There isn't a scale of better or worse; trustworthy or now - they are all hucksters. Don't waste any more money.

not

These are just pure, total SCAMS, OP. They are theives. Please stop using them.

You live and learn.

For free, I will tell you that the only way to end the uncertainty with this man is to woman-up and talk to him. He's only human. He goes to the loo just like everyone else!

I speak as someone with a stupid crush of my own. I think certain personality types will do almost anything to avoid a direct route to a yes/no answer. Plenty of cynics willing to cash in on our avoidant attachment style. Meanwhile, women who don't have this issue are walking straight up to these men, having a good old flirt and seeing what happens.

Oh, OP
Being in love makes everyone a bit crazy sometimes...

You were emotionally vulnerable, craving for answers, and some people exploited your vulnerability. I am angry on your behalf!
You deserved better.

You know, sometimes, when I feel lost and lonely and sad, and the uncertainty about something just gets too much... I use this site: www.facade.com/

It's probably all just random bollocks, but not any worse than any psychic, quite frankly. And it's free. And if it can put your mind at ease... Why not, eh?
Just asking ourselves the right questions and hearing some answers (even completely wrong ones!) can be therapeutic, sometimes.

If you really struggle with obsessive thoughts for all kinds of reasons, you may want to consider therapy in the long run, e.g. CBT.
But I'm not convinced normal human feelings like "being in love" should be medicalised...

The OP doesnt seem to be seeing the psychics as the problem. She is seeing the man not asking her out as the problem. She is creating reasons for it like all mean are serial flirters and he would probably just cheat anyway.

She needs to focus her annoyance squarely on the use of psychics. Even going in about the one she trusts, she really trusts her... no. It needs to stop.
Creating excuses and trying to focus on the behaviour of the man is just taking the issue and distorting it.

The only problem here is how easily you became obsessed and the lengths you went to with psychics to get the answer you wanted.

You really should consider talk therapy. Dont go to a therapist offering fringe treatments or alternative treatments. But get some help.

I'm so stupid

Sorry, but yes. Not so much because you had a crush on someone, but because you consult "psychics". They are almost all con artists whose only goal is to seperate gullible fools from their money. At the very best they are also gullible fools who have deluded even themselves that they are actually psychic.

Cop yourself on and stop it.

You need to let go of the psychics. FOR GOOD.

They're out to make money, end of.

You don't need a psychic to find a man, or approach one you like.

Could you invest money instead in a confidence/self-care course?

I went back to the psychic I trust tonight. She said a spirit is blocking him because he's too much like the men in my history. Apparently he's gone from being a sweet guy ready to open up but nervous. To abit of a player.

This is such utter bollocks. You do see that, don't you? It's not just the others scammers that you've wasted your money on. It's this one, as well. Changing her story as you change yours. Disgusting.

@hoodathunkit

Many well meaning posters here have suggested that the OP should consult a counsellor or therapist instead.

I would advise extreme caution in this respect as many BACP and UKCP accredited counsellors and therapists combine their counselling and therapy with tarot cards, astrology, "shamanism", past life regression, reiki etc.

The OP said in an earlier post that there was a spirit blocking her crush's connection to her.

My advice would be that any mention of "blockages" should be a red flag, whether it is a psychic of a counsellor or therapist.

The cleansing / purging / clearing of "blockages" is usually simply the entrance to a rabbit hole of abuse and exploitation of a vulnerable person

BACP counsellors don’t. Don’t know about the other. If you look a counsellor up on the BACP online directory it will tell you what services they offer and the counsellors credentials. No BACP Therapist would get tarot cards, or any other divination tools out in a session unless they where advertising the service and you requested it. It’s not how the counselling process works. However, there are plenty of unqualified ‘counsellors’ out there offering counselling and other services to which you are referring. That is why you should always go through BACP for someone that is qualified and bound by the BACP guidelines.

I understand OP, I’ve been where you are.

What helped me was some advice I read here - if you have to wonder if someone is into you or not they probably aren’t. If someone is into you, you’ll know.

It wasn’t until another man came along that I realised how true this was - I never once felt the need to ask a psychic or start a thread here about it as I just knew. I think back to all my obsessive behaviour about the first bloke and cringe but also know that some lessons have to be lived through to understand

He may well be interested in you, but not feel it's appropriate or professional to make the first move on a customer's friend.

If you don't want to ask him in front of his mates, then just ask him if he'll pop over to yours after he's finished working on your friends house, as you have a bit of work you are considering getting done (make something up!) Then you can try and have a conversation one on one, and get a better idea of whether there's any chance of taking it

further

Op. Just pass your number onto him and ask him for a coffee. You’ve got nothing to lose, if he’s going to be leaving in a few days anyway.
You’ll get the answer your looking for and it’s more empowering that passively waiting for him to make a move.
Even if it’s a no, maybe it will give you the confidence to ask other men out and you might meet someone even better.

These people are leeches, and feed on our strongest emotions to get us to part with our money.

There's no point in worrying about the wasted money now. It's happened, and you're not getting it back. No amount of worry is going to change that, so there's no point.

What you CAN do is focus on yourself, how you're living your life, contacting friends and family who make you feel good, and just letting life 'happen' at its own pace. You can't rush these things, and part of the fun of life is actually the not knowing. Having a psychic to tell you what will happen and when is surely no fun whatsoever!

You haven't been stupid, you just made some wrong decisions because you were feeling vulnerable. It's human nature to seek certainty, but for the most part we can never have it.

I have fallen into the same trap before. I also worked as a tarot reader myself for a time. I haven't for some time now. In my opinion, there are three problems with using readers/psychics.

1. Some are charlatans/scam artists, others (like I was) believe they are helping and believe what they say, but the truth is that the future is never set in stone and nobody can predict it.

1. It is habit-forming. You feel the need to 'check' again because you know in your heart the future can't be foretold.

1. Some readers/psychics may, I believe, actually be dangerous if they encourage dabbling in other occult practices like ouija boards or love magic.

It's hard to break the habit, I know because I've been there, but it can be done. Ultimately you have to accept you can't know the future.

You haven't wasted money-you tried something and you've lost faith in i.

It's no worse than many of us who pay out sometimes hundreds of pounds for a jar of miracle cream that we believe will roll back the years, until we buy it and discover it doesn't.

So stop feeling stupid!

What job is this guy doing for your friend? Is it laying a new path or fixing a roof or putting up an extension? Could you pretend that you might be considering something similar and ask him to give an opinion.

I think I would try something like this or, as other posters have said, if he speaks again about you to your friend, tell her that she can give him your number.

Don't feel silly though and remember, we've all spent money on false promises. The main thing is not to repeat the same mistake.

I'm not saying he's a flirt and they are all the same. He has flirted with me. He has stared at me. He's complimented me to my friend. He's called over to me from roofs to ask me how I am.

That could mean he likes me as I fully thought. But now I am looking at the fact he just be enjoying having a flirt on the job.

I am angry at the esty readers. They have all filled my head with aload of crap. They were vague. Rude. Ignored any follow up questions. The lady last night is also on a TV show. But she still has a disgusting attitude. Why shouldn't I review her as failed to come true when it didn't.

Anyway I went to the shops this morning with my son. I didn't look over but I saw they were all outside when I got back. I didn't look over and came straight back in. I am feeling alot more happier this morning and I no I actually have completely misread the situation.

I just have a crush. It's rare for me to be such a nut job. But I think in a few days I'll be all over it and moving on. I just got sucked in.

Plus ultimately if these people are so gifted why wouldn't they put people out their misery and give a little Extra? Giving vague detail for one question etc. I do understand it now.

I can't do anything about it and I can't approach him. I just can't go and pull him away from the work. He's with 5 men today and it's very alpha over there. I will be ok. You ladies have all helped me in a way I can't explain. It's comforting and thanks for not all laughing at me and tearing me to shreds.

I have been a fool.

Reading back what I wrote it sounds like the opening plot of a porno! But the point I'm making is it's much better to take matters into your own hands than rely on charlatan psychics!

Literally never heard of a BACP counsellor whipping put the tarot cards and psychic services, and have seen several, know several etc. That would be wildly inappropriate and out of context.If it formed part of what they offer (which it doesn't) they would state this up front. It seems very counterintuitive to attempt to put people off in this way with branding mental health accredited therapies as a trap or as well branded alternatives to a bloomin' psychic.

OP, they are scamming you because you can be scammed. The one you 'trust' is no better, they've just found something to say you can't disprove. 'Spirit' isn't blocking anything for gods sake. This poor bloke is just living his own life and probably has no idea this situation even exists. If you think you might like him (because currently you don't actually know him intimately at all) ask for his number yourself and actually get to know him instead of this fantasy /fate nonsense. Better still OP, recognise that it's unhealthy and work on yourself rather than pinning all your emotional needs on people you don't even know.

You need to work out in your own mind why you find it easier to view life through the lenses of these 'psychics' than tackling it yourself or taking actions in your own life or making your own decisions. Clearly there is some issue that needs resolving, we all have them, it is nothing to be ashamed of. Stop paying them, speak to friends or your GP.

Op do you have any money left for a therapist?? They could help you unpack why you did this.

Spending all that money when you could just go up and say hi...there is a lot more going on than a little obsession.

Please find someone to speak to who isn’t a psychic!!

Reading what you've said OP if I was a man faced with this I'd leg it many many miles away to get away from you. It is not cool to become obsessed with someone you don't know and then consult psychics and pay out loads of money to predict your future together. If someone I'd only just met behaved like that around me I'd be very concerned about stalking. I think you need to go and see your GP and get some psychiatric help to be honest.

Forgive yourself OP. But you are vulnerable and you need to protect yourself. It sounds like you need to trust yourself and take care of yourself. Maybe counselling or reading some good self help books if money is tight. Be your own friend and don't let yourself contact any psychic from now on. Write down what worries you. I find journalling helps.