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Relationships

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To think dp is making a mug out of me?

308 replies

BritishIdiot · 13/10/2020 18:05

Bit of background, dp and I have been together almost 5 years, we have 2dc. We don't live together - his choice entirely. He decided to buy a house last year when I was pregnant for his older son and they now both live in it, but that's a whole other thread! (Please bare in mind his son contributes towards the mortgage and bills.)

He earns well in advance of 50k. I work part time and rely on tax credits. He does contribute reasonably towards the dc every month.

He works Monday to Thursday nights, will sleep at his house until he wakes then comes to mine for a few hours until he leaves for work, he will stay at weekend too.

Anyway now to the point! He contributes very very little towards bills and food. He puts the heating on, has showers, always always cooking something. He can't have cereal for breakfast and something light for lunch, it has to be a fry up then something cooked for lunch like fajitas or he'll eat leftovers I'm saving, then a cooked dinner, followed by eating most of the cake I made oh with ice cream etc. He'll make his lunch for work (leaving us a stale crust and finishing the ham), will eat what we're eating for dinner then take plenty to work (I like to save some to freeze for lazy days!) He'll use bottles of mayo, jars of jam, blocks of butter, packets and packets of biscuits, he eats the kids snacks constantly plus takes them to work, drinks their fruit juice, eats their yoghurt, drinks the cans of drink I buy for my teenager, it's honestly never ever ending. Always helps himself to seconds of dinner, will put the biggest steak on his plate etc. I even buy his beer!! I pay for all of this, all the bills, the rent, all the food and drinks, everything. He contributes £100 a month - IF I ask several times. This month I got nothing as it was our dds birthday so his money went towards that apparently, but yet I still spend hundreds a month on food and he's still eating it.

I've mentioned it to him he says "so you're charging me for eating a packet of crisps and boiling the kettle are you? I bought the pizza last week."

AIBU to think he's a freeloading piss take or am I just bitter???

OP posts:
Proudboomer · 13/10/2020 18:39

And what exactly are his redeeming qualities so that you want this free loader in your life?

MissConductUS · 13/10/2020 18:39

Make a list of everything he eats and drinks in a week at your place and put a cost to each item. Then, after you regain consciousness, show it to him. If he doesn't react well bin him. He's a cocklodger.

CodenameApollo · 13/10/2020 18:41

fucking hell, do you really think so low of yourself that you put up with this?

HeyDuggeesCakeBadge · 13/10/2020 18:41

Oh OP, this is outrageous behaviour on the part of your not so DP. How much maintenance does he pay? In all honesty I'd leave him, he is no use and is totally using you and bleeding you dry.

Eddielzzard · 13/10/2020 18:41

He might pay maintenance, but he eats you all out of house and home! Go to the CMS and LTB

TownHallDesigner · 13/10/2020 18:41

Lovely support, thank you

What do you want support for? Do you intend on leaving him?

2bazookas · 13/10/2020 18:41

I bet you do all his washing too.

You're his unpaid skivvy and shag.

thepeopleversuswork · 13/10/2020 18:42

OP I don’t think people think you’re a troll: people are just struggling to understand why it’s worth it for you.

You get literally no upside from this whatsoever: why on earth have you not just left?

Remona · 13/10/2020 18:43

He’s a freeloading piss take (to coin your words).

Get rid. No way would I be tolerating that. Cheeky bastard. Absolutely no. A thousand times no. He’s playing you like a violin.

Gazelda · 13/10/2020 18:44

What's your weekly food bill?
What are your monthly costs? Utilities, tent, insurance etc.
How much child support does he pay?

CeibaTree · 13/10/2020 18:45

I voted YABU for having children with this man in the first place! He doesn't even want to live with you. I agree with the pps though - what on earth are you getting out of this situation?

CarolNoE · 13/10/2020 18:45

On the bright side you won't have the upheaval of LTB....just get key off him, change locks, don't open up the greasy spoon caff for his morning fry up! Sounds like he brings very little to the situation so you have little to lose and lots to gain. Good luck

1FootInTheRave · 13/10/2020 18:45

How much maintenance does he pay?

RandomMess · 13/10/2020 18:46
Sad

This is so sad.

Tell him if he wants to see his DC he needs to take them out/to his house.

If he wants to see you to book and pay for a babysitter and him take you out/to his for a meal.

Yes you are being mugged off.

Intelinside57 · 13/10/2020 18:46

I guess this has crept up on you, but now it's time to call a halt. Split with him properly, he does nothing to enhance your life. Contact the CMS if your maintenance isn't on a formal footing through them. Don't let him in, change the locks and take charge of your life. You'll be a lot happier.

Conquered · 13/10/2020 18:47

He pays you money, that makes him feel he has a right to help himself to whatever he likes.
You need to start keeping the kids stuff away in a separate place while you think long and hard about this arrangement and its longevity.

IJustWantSomeBees · 13/10/2020 18:48

He sounds terrible

SoulofanAggron · 13/10/2020 18:48

YANBU- This whole situation most women would be hurt by, that you don't live together, especially as you have two children. Shock

Let alone the financial cruelty. These are his kids!

LuaDipa · 13/10/2020 18:49

He doesn’t want a proper relationship. I’m genuinely unsure why you had kids with him when he doesn’t even want to live with you.

Yanbu though. He is a scrounger and everything he takes from you he is taking from his own dc. I would ltb.

MessAllOver · 13/10/2020 18:50

Sorry, just seen he does pay maintenance. How much? Have you calculated what he should be paying you?

Tbh, I wouldn't even discuss it with him. Just message him that the relationship isn't working out for you, you want to take a break and happy to discuss contact arrangements for the children.

VettiyaIruken · 13/10/2020 18:50

You really do need to get rid. He is taking the piss.

Florencex · 13/10/2020 18:51

I think you are making a mug out of you all by yourself!

Why have you let this situation happen? If I could even understand why you had even one child with a man that doesn’t want to live with you, it is incomprehensible that you had a second.

And he is not your partner, as you do not have a shared life. Get rid, this is no life and a terrible example to set for your children.

MintyMabel · 13/10/2020 18:52

What’s with all the greedy husband/partner/partner’s children threads lately?

Sertchgi123 · 13/10/2020 18:53

I voted that YABU because you're being unreasonable to yourself. Why this useless piece of shit is in your life I do not know.

ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore · 13/10/2020 18:53

If you've been on MN for years, you know he's a pisstaking bastard and you need to get rid.