To think dp is making a mug out of me?

[BritishIdiot]

Bit of background, dp and I have been together almost 5 years, we have 2dc. We don't live together - his choice entirely. He decided to buy a house last year when I was pregnant for his older son and they now both live in it, but that's a whole other thread! (Please bare in mind his son contributes towards the mortgage and bills.)

He earns well in advance of 50k. I work part time and rely on tax credits. He does contribute reasonably towards the dc every month.

He works Monday to Thursday nights, will sleep at his house until he wakes then comes to mine for a few hours until he leaves for work, he will stay at weekend too.

Anyway now to the point! He contributes very very little towards bills and food. He puts the heating on, has showers, always always cooking something. He can't have cereal for breakfast and something light for lunch, it has to be a fry up then something cooked for lunch like fajitas or he'll eat leftovers I'm saving, then a cooked dinner, followed by eating most of the cake I made oh with ice cream etc. He'll make his lunch for work (leaving us a stale crust and finishing the ham), will eat what we're eating for dinner then take plenty to work (I like to save some to freeze for lazy days!) He'll use bottles of mayo, jars of jam, blocks of butter, packets and packets of biscuits, he eats the kids snacks constantly plus takes them to work, drinks their fruit juice, eats their yoghurt, drinks the cans of drink I buy for my teenager, it's honestly never ever ending. Always helps himself to seconds of dinner, will put the biggest steak on his plate etc. I even buy his beer!! I pay for all of this, all the bills, the rent, all the food and drinks, everything. He contributes £100 a month - IF I ask several times. This month I got nothing as it was our dds birthday so his money went towards that apparently, but yet I still spend hundreds a month on food and he's still eating it.

I've mentioned it to him he says "so you're charging me for eating a packet of crisps and boiling the kettle are you? I bought the pizza last week."

AIBU to think he's a freeloading piss take or am I just bitter???

Surely this cannot be real

No woman is this stupid

If you decided to end the relationship do you know how you would do it?

Thank you for your kind words, those that have been kind. For those who think calling a vulnerable woman stupid is wise, then you're the stupid ones. I will get this thread moved.

What good will people being kind do you? You need to wake up, and quickly.

She’s hardly taking advantage, what choice does she have?
Dumping him. No way would I stay with a man not prepared to support me and my kids and expecting me to claim benefits so he can have more money for himself.

You're not stupid, you've been conditioned bit by bit to accept this by the person who should have your back. You've probably been feeling that things are a bit "off" for a while and it's taken reading other threads about similar situations to realise how bad it is and how you feel.

You're lucky though as in your situation this should be quite simple to sort out since everything is already separate. Just think how much happier you'll feel when you're no longer being ground down and your children taken advantage of.

I am speechless OP.
He does a lot of other things that you have no idea about. How do I know? I read your post. Did you read it yourself?
LTfuckingB!

I didn't get much past the first two sentences. Yep he is mugging you off luv - sorry but he is xx

@messallover thank you. I have been conditioned and I can see I have been emotionally abused in a big way for a long long time. Other threads have made me realise this. I used to be so tough, strong, witty now I'm just sad and meek. Once this thread is moved I'll explain further. Despite not so kind comments on here, it's already giving me strength.

Good advice from Krampusasbabysitter

We are all gobsmacked but, as she says, this is the sort of situation women slide into little by little.

Onwards and upwards OP Hope things get better for you and your dc

More fool you @BritishIdiot

If you allow him to take the piss he will. Your not a hotel, tell him to stay at his own house and you will bring the kids to his.

If you split with him, you will recieve more maintenance through CMS, and he won't be round at your house eating your food etc. If its hard to talk to him, write it down. You can still co-parent, he can take the children out etc.

You can do this. Do you have any support - family or friends who can be with you?

You're a single mum that still cooks for, cleans up after and has sex with her ex.

What does he actually contribute to your life? You'd be better off binning him and claiming CMS. He clearly doesn't care about you, he's taking everything he can from you and giving as little as he can get away with.

We are moving this to Relationships at the OP's request.

He brings nothing to this relationship, nothing. No care, no support, no empathy, no kindness. If he doesn't get his way he tantrums, swears. He's done some abhorrent things but has conditioned me to believe its okay, it'll get better. Actually I am stupid but I'm GLAD I can see it now.

chuck him outforgood

claim housing benefit/UC - he isnt living with you the majority of the time regardless

you are better than this OP!! you wont miss him

Can you imagine telling him it is over?

He sounds horrible OP. I hope you are going to chuck him?

I wouldn't even bother breaking up in person, it sounds like he'll be aggressive. Just write him a letter or an email and ask him to drop his key round. Do you have anyone who could come and stay with you for a few days so you don't have to risk facing him alone?

Set yourself free from this nightmare, op. All it takes are two little words. It's over.

He's not just useless, he's a detriment. You don't need him for a single thing.

@flaxensunshine

Well it might not be illegal but in my opinion it is morally wrong. Why do we the tax payers pay for these children instead of their own parent who chooses to life the life of Riley? As has been said why on earth would you have children in this situation?

@flaxensunshine

So let me get this straight
You had not one but 2 children with this man child .
He lives on his own you live in yours with the dc.
He comes over eats all your food and gives you child maintenance.
You do realise if you split up you'd still get the child maintenance but he won't be coming round to eat all your food , in fact the dc will be going to his house to eat his food .
My questions are why do you not got to his house or why don't you live together?
What is the plan I mean did you not have a conversation when you became pregnant the first or 2nd time ?
Also if he said to you let's get married or live together would you ?
You do realise he has the best life his own financial set up a partner who cooks for him sex on tap but he pays a measly amount and it is a measly amount because if it was generous you wouldn't be arsed that he eats your food .
Kick him into touch think of your kids it's embarrassing and wrong .

He brings nothing to this relationship, nothing. No care, no support, no empathy, no kindness. If he doesn't get his way he tantrums, swears. He's done some abhorrent things but has conditioned me to believe its okay, it'll get better. Actually I am stupid but I'm GLAD I can see it now.
Well then there is nothing more to be said , take his key off him and don't let him in again . He can take his dc out

You know you’ve got to get rid op. He occasionally pays you £100, which he eats. He pays less than cms, which isn’t generous, and you do all the parenting. he verbally and emotionally abuses you. You know will be better off in all ways without him. You can reclaim your strength, he only hid/buried it, you still are that sassy lady underneath. It’s starts with ‘give me the keys and fuck off’ . You can do it!