To think dp is making a mug out of me?

[BritishIdiot]

Bit of background, dp and I have been together almost 5 years, we have 2dc. We don't live together - his choice entirely. He decided to buy a house last year when I was pregnant for his older son and they now both live in it, but that's a whole other thread! (Please bare in mind his son contributes towards the mortgage and bills.)

He earns well in advance of 50k. I work part time and rely on tax credits. He does contribute reasonably towards the dc every month.

He works Monday to Thursday nights, will sleep at his house until he wakes then comes to mine for a few hours until he leaves for work, he will stay at weekend too.

Anyway now to the point! He contributes very very little towards bills and food. He puts the heating on, has showers, always always cooking something. He can't have cereal for breakfast and something light for lunch, it has to be a fry up then something cooked for lunch like fajitas or he'll eat leftovers I'm saving, then a cooked dinner, followed by eating most of the cake I made oh with ice cream etc. He'll make his lunch for work (leaving us a stale crust and finishing the ham), will eat what we're eating for dinner then take plenty to work (I like to save some to freeze for lazy days!) He'll use bottles of mayo, jars of jam, blocks of butter, packets and packets of biscuits, he eats the kids snacks constantly plus takes them to work, drinks their fruit juice, eats their yoghurt, drinks the cans of drink I buy for my teenager, it's honestly never ever ending. Always helps himself to seconds of dinner, will put the biggest steak on his plate etc. I even buy his beer!! I pay for all of this, all the bills, the rent, all the food and drinks, everything. He contributes £100 a month - IF I ask several times. This month I got nothing as it was our dds birthday so his money went towards that apparently, but yet I still spend hundreds a month on food and he's still eating it.

I've mentioned it to him he says "so you're charging me for eating a packet of crisps and boiling the kettle are you? I bought the pizza last week."

AIBU to think he's a freeloading piss take or am I just bitter???

Bloody hell! He really has the best of all the worlds doesn't he. Bachelor pad with his son, gets to pop round and be fun dad when convenient without any of the fuss of actually living together and contributing. I'd sack him off and go through cms for some proper maintenance.

Change the locks.
Simple.

@BritishIdiot

He doesn't want to live with us because we've "had a rocky road and he won't have stability". The truth is yes he wants his cake. He's financially better off not sharing his finances and fully contributing to the household as muggings here will foot the bill as you were. He puts his money before his family and is quiet happy for me to be a struggling single parent.

So leave him then. You will be much better off without him

Yes he is a freeloading piss taker. Dump him and claim CM for his children.

Oh my god!!

At this point, while he is making a mug of you, you need to take some responsibility for making a mug of yourself!

I don't mean that to sound like victim blaming, but to allow you to take some power back.

You have agency over your life. He contributes fuck all and makes you feel anxious and shit.

You don't have to be in a relationship to coparent your children successfully. This is complete madness.

I work part time. I do not claim income support, or housing benefit etc.

Is this a thread meant to either take the piss out of the number of similar threads lately or an attempt to make those women posting those threads see the men for the bastards they are by amalgamating all similar thread elements into one....

because if this is really YOUR life, it would be absolutely outrageous behaviour from a partner.

Tell this freeloading bastard to fuck off Nd then make sure you get the highest maintenance payment. What a piss taker.

He's getting a lot for his (occasional) £25 per week. Food, sex and he escapes paying anything for his children.

If what you say is true, not only does he not pay for his kids but he actually takes food out of their mouths and racks up the bills so you have even less to spend on them.

I find it hard to believe anyone would put up with this.

@BritishIdiot

I work part time. I do not claim income support, or housing benefit etc.

Would you lose your tax credits if he moved in?

Okie dokes...

Of course I am not taking the piss out of other threads I am actually following a few and can relate 100%.

😲😲😲

How much does he give you in maintenance for the children? Which I hope is in addition to the amount he gives you for food.

Honestly looking from the outside I cannot see what this man gives to you as an adult partner. Relationships are so much more than money, it’s the respect, sharing of life’s load, your companion. He isn’t being any of those things. That’s before you even look at the model he is showing your dc or the financial strain he is bringing by being an utter arse.

Do you love him? Does he make your life happier? Do you look forward to seeing him or is it a sense of dread about what you can’t give your dc because he ate all their food??

LTB and be a strong independent woman, claim CM, and be happier.

Lovely support, thank you.

If you think I am a troll report, I am not, I've been around for years.

He does this because you're dumb enough to let him 🤷🏻‍♀️

You need to sit down a new work out how much you need off him each week to cover his food, additional electric, bills etc and then sit down and tell him he either pays this or doesn't benefit from these things. I'd also add more in for your time to do the additional shopping for him. Or he brings his food etc with him and tops up tours to cover the bills. CM is for the dc and not him.

Tbh he's a cheeky fucker and I fail to see that he would t already realise this, unless he's a thinkhead.

What a horrible example to set for your children. The mind boggles.

@BritishIdiot
I think ppl are aghast that this situation would be tolerated. It’s not a relationship is it?
You’re struggling with HIS kids, scraping by whilst he lives in his new house with his son; you weren’t included or your kids in that move.
He pops in for a couple of days, eats your food essentially taking food form his own kids.
Please see that he’s used and manipulated you, take his key off him and report him to CMS.
You can do better and deserve better.

Claim cms.

Together or not. He's not a resident parent is he.

If he's got no issue with providing then you will see his true colours when you tell him.

He is not a keeper. He is a drain on you.

Get rid.

I can't fathom why you are still with him if I'm honest.

Can you answer some of the questions people have asked? What exactly does he pay for example...I think people are having a hard time believing that he literally only gives u £100 a month?

What?!!

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!

Don't let him do that!!! Quite apart from the money he's eating you out of house and home and not leaving enough for his own sodding child! NO absolutely NOT!!

He doesn't think you're good enough to live with (or marry) but he'll happily cocklodge and run up your bills for £25 a week if you really complain enough. FFS I'm a single person and my food bill alone is twice that!

@BritishIdiot I don’t think you are a troll, sadly I think you are a boiled frog!! It’s easier than many people think to end up in situations like this. Once the light bulb moment happens though you cannot unsee the truth and it will kill your love and respect for this man. You will resent him for being so selfish.