To think dp is making a mug out of me?

[BritishIdiot]

Bit of background, dp and I have been together almost 5 years, we have 2dc. We don't live together - his choice entirely. He decided to buy a house last year when I was pregnant for his older son and they now both live in it, but that's a whole other thread! (Please bare in mind his son contributes towards the mortgage and bills.)

He earns well in advance of 50k. I work part time and rely on tax credits. He does contribute reasonably towards the dc every month.

He works Monday to Thursday nights, will sleep at his house until he wakes then comes to mine for a few hours until he leaves for work, he will stay at weekend too.

Anyway now to the point! He contributes very very little towards bills and food. He puts the heating on, has showers, always always cooking something. He can't have cereal for breakfast and something light for lunch, it has to be a fry up then something cooked for lunch like fajitas or he'll eat leftovers I'm saving, then a cooked dinner, followed by eating most of the cake I made oh with ice cream etc. He'll make his lunch for work (leaving us a stale crust and finishing the ham), will eat what we're eating for dinner then take plenty to work (I like to save some to freeze for lazy days!) He'll use bottles of mayo, jars of jam, blocks of butter, packets and packets of biscuits, he eats the kids snacks constantly plus takes them to work, drinks their fruit juice, eats their yoghurt, drinks the cans of drink I buy for my teenager, it's honestly never ever ending. Always helps himself to seconds of dinner, will put the biggest steak on his plate etc. I even buy his beer!! I pay for all of this, all the bills, the rent, all the food and drinks, everything. He contributes £100 a month - IF I ask several times. This month I got nothing as it was our dds birthday so his money went towards that apparently, but yet I still spend hundreds a month on food and he's still eating it.

I've mentioned it to him he says "so you're charging me for eating a packet of crisps and boiling the kettle are you? I bought the pizza last week."

AIBU to think he's a freeloading piss take or am I just bitter???

Classic narcissist, it seems. Good luck with your future. It’s bittersweet that you have DC’s with him as you will always be tied, but they are a blessing

Can't add much to the brilliant advice already given on this thread (I really do feel that this is when Mumsnet comes into its own) but just wanted to send you a hug and a handhold, OP.

Yes @BritishIdiot!! I am so pleased to see you say you're done with him!! Well done you brave, brave lady! Make sure you are strong and don't let him weedle his way back in with you. He may try saying.
You are strong, you did it! And don't forget we're hate if you need us!
What is your local support network like? Family? Friends? Do you have a shoulder if you need it? Xxx

*we're here not hate 🙄

I can barely believe what I'm reading. The men of MN just get worse and worse. He sounds thoroughly vile.
Find your strength OP, find your voice. Being on your own will be so liberating.

Can I just say we'll done op. I hope now you have seen the real him you will claim cm and give him the chance to have the kids on his weekends off so you can have your time and let him spend some of his precious money on feeding them? A bloke who cared for his kids wouldn't be a weekend dad by choice he was treating you like some woman he knew who had kids but they weren't his. He could have bought the house but lived with you and he always had a backup . You are very fortunate you don't have to move home and the kids should be OK with him being a part time dad as was this any way so keep your resolve and stick to your guns if in doubt read your posts back you can see he is a waste of space and a shit father. And very bad role model your own dc good luck.

I despair of threads like this. OP please get rid of this freeloader and regain your self respect. Apart from the many obvious things wrong with this situation, you are not setting a good example of a healthy relationship to your children.

And how dare he eat all their food? What an arsehole! 😡

@BritishIdiot If he's coming round tonight, you might want to hide the snacks.

In a nutshell, he’s getting cashback. He gives to you with one hand and takes back with the other. So sorry OP. This sounds hard but you need to get tough to beat him at his own game. Secret stash for just you and dcs if necessary. Make the cupboards as boring as you can for when he arrives and he might do a shop or two to build them up. But it’s no way to live.

I can feel the anxiety, so nervous.

I wouldn't bother meeting him. It doesn't matter what you say to him, he will always have his own narrative of what happened. It will always be your fault, no matter what you do, how you do it and what you say.

He'll tell you a pack of lies so I wouldn't bother.

stay strong OP 🌺

I think you're smarter than you give yourself credit for.

You've got your own home. You don't live in his.
You didn't give him a key (bloody brilliant)
You have a job

Your gut knew something was wrong.
You recognised patterns of behaviour from other MN threads.
You realise this is a tricky time & you need support.

You're bloody impressive.

Good luck, OP. I'm not sure having him over so soon so he can sweet-talk his way back in is such a great idea but ok.
Small steps.

Good luck. Hope you're ok

You don't need to have him there! Write him a fucking email!! Just send him a text saying somethings come up. You really think that seeing him is going to stop him being a prick? I don't.

Then wrote him a factual emotionless accurate non pitying email telling him all the things he's done (don't talk about how you felt or how he 'made you feel'). Seriously he won't know what to do.

Ahhhhh hes here.

It was really unnecessary to bring him over and record him. But I realise it’s a bit late for me to be saying that!

Just...be careful not to create or prolong unnecessary drama, @BritishIdiot.

If the goal really is freedom and a clean break then that should be where your focus is. Don’t get bogged down in arguments and yes, drama.

He is a jerk. Good luck with getting rid of him.

Couldn’t agree more with OhCaptain..... lessen the drama, disengage with him, focus on your future.

You should stronger than you realise

How did it go?

Oh god! I don’t think it’s going to be pleasant tonight when he comes round. Actually I don’t think it was a good idea inviting him round but it’s done now