To think dp is making a mug out of me?

[BritishIdiot]

Bit of background, dp and I have been together almost 5 years, we have 2dc. We don't live together - his choice entirely. He decided to buy a house last year when I was pregnant for his older son and they now both live in it, but that's a whole other thread! (Please bare in mind his son contributes towards the mortgage and bills.)

He earns well in advance of 50k. I work part time and rely on tax credits. He does contribute reasonably towards the dc every month.

He works Monday to Thursday nights, will sleep at his house until he wakes then comes to mine for a few hours until he leaves for work, he will stay at weekend too.

Anyway now to the point! He contributes very very little towards bills and food. He puts the heating on, has showers, always always cooking something. He can't have cereal for breakfast and something light for lunch, it has to be a fry up then something cooked for lunch like fajitas or he'll eat leftovers I'm saving, then a cooked dinner, followed by eating most of the cake I made oh with ice cream etc. He'll make his lunch for work (leaving us a stale crust and finishing the ham), will eat what we're eating for dinner then take plenty to work (I like to save some to freeze for lazy days!) He'll use bottles of mayo, jars of jam, blocks of butter, packets and packets of biscuits, he eats the kids snacks constantly plus takes them to work, drinks their fruit juice, eats their yoghurt, drinks the cans of drink I buy for my teenager, it's honestly never ever ending. Always helps himself to seconds of dinner, will put the biggest steak on his plate etc. I even buy his beer!! I pay for all of this, all the bills, the rent, all the food and drinks, everything. He contributes £100 a month - IF I ask several times. This month I got nothing as it was our dds birthday so his money went towards that apparently, but yet I still spend hundreds a month on food and he's still eating it.

I've mentioned it to him he says "so you're charging me for eating a packet of crisps and boiling the kettle are you? I bought the pizza last week."

AIBU to think he's a freeloading piss take or am I just bitter???

He has done such a number on you over the year.

Speak to Woman's Aid for support to end it and keep him away.

You are a mighty warrior and you can do it!!!

I wish I could give you a fucking massive hug. We are here for you while you go through this transition to your new life.

IMAGINE! A new life away from this cruel arsehole. A new life without the panic and anxiety. Without the power he has at the moment.

Imagine a Christmas where he doesn't invade your space and thoughts, so you can relax into special times with your kids.

Imagine yourself and the kids next summer, sitting in the garden laughing and relaxing and feeling the sun on your skin.

I'm excited for you and willing you on

You're not stupid. Men like this do things so very slowly.

I'm actually the Covid woman with the dickhead for a husband so believe me, I totally get it. The ruining occasions shit? Mine does that too. It's awful, I get anxious at the run up to every birthday.

Mine is a colossal prick, but yours is abusing you in a very serious way. I'm building up to my exit but I really think you are in such a emotionally damaging situation that shutting that door on him right now is imperative for your well being. You're gaining nothing from him, nothing. You're taking care of your children alone already. There is nothing to redeem him.

I'm getting out, I've woken up and that spell they cast so well has broken. You can do this. You're stronger than you know.

Please call WA, he is abusing you and also his DC.

Well done for posting and please tell people in RL as well, as abuse thrives on secrecy and shame.

@Scweltish

I don’t even know where to begin to unravel the utter fucking ridiculousness of this situation. And I mean that towards the pair of you. You’re both ridiculous. Why have you had two children to a man who refuses to commit to you (or the children), and not only refuses to contribute, but actually drains you dry?? I’m actually impressed he’s got someone to raise his children completely separately from him, with no help, input or contribution from him. But he gets to check in whenever he wants his dinner cooked, stuff to help himself to and a shag.

Fucking This!!! Omg!

OP don’t look to him for validation, you are a very important person, lifeline and role model to you children . You need to find strength and determination to move forward in your life without DP. You can do it and when you do the real you will spring back up like a new flower. I think you probably need some therapy to talk it all out and work it out so that you can heal.

op.

I’m glad you’re planning your next move. Ending it will be a massive improvement to your life and to your DCs lives
I wish you all the best. Keep this thread handy so when he tries to manipulate you, it’s a reminder of what he is really like.

And remember you are strong, you are essentially raising your DC alone. You just need to apply that to this relationship

You just said it all. Read what you wrote and consider what answer you'd give to your best friend. You 100% deserve better.

I've never met the motherfucker but I can honestly say I hate his guts for how he's treated you. Maybe he'll do the world a favor and drop dead soon

He's trash. You know it we know it but what are you going to do about it?

Ranting and letting off steam is all well and good but you need to take action.

There is no "family life" to be had with someone like this, even if you were borh in the same house.

Take yourself out of this victim role and end it. You're a single parent as it is so what's the difference??

Just end it. End it now. If not for yourself, for your children. They need a life without seeing this arsehole abuse their mummy.

Gosh. The latest update is utterly sobering.

He’s absolute scum, you deserve so much better

Op I couldn't read and run.

You're not stupid. And you're in a better position than most people (although it might not seem that way)

Many people are living with these abusive dickheads but they are trapped because there's a financial tie.

Regardless of your set up financially I think there's other issues at play. I had a similar set up for years... and I'm glad! Because I didn't have financial abuse too! and I've never lived with a guy ever probably for this reason. The amount of posts I see for women staying where they are because they have nothing more than their kids clothes and can't split a house in 2 and being so miserable and trapped but can't leave the bastard x

Do what's right. I expect you know. Good luck.

What are you going to do, op ?

Get angry OP. Fuck the scummy arsehole. You need to find your anger, he’s treating you like something he stepped in, he’s beyond awful.

Yea, he is, but easily fixable. I wouldn't speak to him ever again

I don't think I've read anything quite so dreadful!
Thank god you don't actually live with him, it's going to be so much easier to end all this and you must, you really must.
Keep posting, don't lose momentum. You can do this.

You shouldn't have had to endure this, the father of your children should only be kind to you. He is dragging you down where he should be building you up.

You know you can be your own person. You need no excuse to end this other than 'I'm done and I don't want to talk about it. Today, you can change the locks, tell him it's over, reduce your contact to only talking about the kids. OK so you might not do it all today, but you should do it soon. You'll immediately see the even nastier aspects of him when you break and are strong. Stay strong for you and for your kids. You deserve so much better, don't doubt that for an instant.

My god. He is evil.
I'm so glad you are going to end it. Please contact WA for advice how to exit safely.

Oh OP! What a mess. You are worth so, so, so much more than this.

I really recommend the Freedom programme. You can do it online through the week when he's not there. It will help you get stronger and clarify your thoughts. Women's Aid can also help you gather your strength, but as you don't live together you're in a better position than some.

OP you can do this.

OP, I hope you've woken up today with the conviction and clarity you discovered yesterday evening. Try to be strong, get a friend or family member onside to support you if you waver.

You deserve so much better than this and your life will be so much calmer and more enjoyable without him.

You need to get away from this set up. It’s not healthy for you or your DC and you know that you need to move on. He doesn’t love or respect you and you need to get angry about this and find your fire to end things and get your self respect back.

You are going to have to be strong and in a few years this is going to a bad memory and you will be healthier and happier than you have ever been.

Oh OP, it sounds like death by a thousand cuts. He's ground you down and conditioned you over the years.

Please make that break and don't allow him to stay any longer. You will be a lot better off, emotionally and financially.

He is evil. Do not ever let him back in your door.
It is tough going, but oh the joy when things finally calm down. No arsehole laughing and smirking and calling you pathetic when you are in pain. (My ex did this too).
Also, not stupid for having two kids. Naive, like sooo many have been before. I had three with my abuser.
It is rough when he pesters the kids and is an arsehole to them, and no doubt yours will be an arsehole to his. But we just help piece themback together again each time, and they will grow stronger for it.
Both you and the others still in the thick of it: it is sooo much better being free.