Dating Thread 195 - Level Dean, home of serious women who actually talk

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Yes, I always thought I'd love walking dates, but having had them with a couple of people they are a bit weird, aren't they? YY to the walking side by side and not being able to easily make eye contact, or even having to go single file, as you usually have to do on the coast path round here.

Loo update. Totally fancy him. Bloody loads. Hope he suggests a 3rd date. I guess I will if he doesn't.

Squeeee!!

I’m okay with no eye contact initially, if the date is followed by a drink you can make up for it there. Also a walking date gives me a chance to walk the dogs so I can kill two bursts with one stone .
So excited for you Ruralbliss!

Kill two birds, not bursts! And I was starting to think I might have nailed multitasking

I don't mind walking dates in the Summer but not in the Autumn or Winter. I get my daily walks in as quickly as possible.
I enjoyed my walks with Mr Smile and Mr EasyGoing
I find that if you run out of things to talk about on a walk you can talk about the local surrounds, do some people watching etc although you are stuck until you finish the walk rather than a drink or a coffee meet where you can either finish your drink and leave or just leave if it is going badly.

I don’t really like the logistics/organising of walking dates though I suppose they’re a necessary evil now

I suppose as well it’s the “what do you do if you DO get on well, what next?”.

With no indoor meets unless you’re an “established couple” there’s no “casual trying out encounters” - I suppose it means having those conversations about intimacy earlier.

If MrCountry and I detach when he’s back I’m going to try to be a lot firmer on screening meetings.

It’s all good life experience I guess!

I’ll have to get a T-shirt saying “I SURVIVED LOCKDOWN DATING 2020”

@Bunkbedpeople
I don't foresee many people sticking to the no meeting inside rule. How is the place you visit going to know if you live together or not? Fine if you run into people you know while you are out but I can't see any other way. I have an open air cafe/coffee shop a few streets over from me but they close at 3:30 this time of year. Might be an idea for a daytime weekend meet though

It is mental and I think we’re all a bit @Dancerinthemoonlight

Trying to protect my MH this winter by staying focused on areas I can move forward in my life rather than the uncertain ones.

Now that was a car park kiss & a half... properly awesome. Can't recall ever being kissed like that before. He smelt divine too.

Am reading Caitlin Moran's latest 'More Than a Woman' and it's all in the pheromones according to her.

@Ruralbliss
Sounds fabulous, fingers crossed for a 3rd date.

Pheromones definitely pay a huge part in fancying someone.

@Ruralbliss .... I want one of them 😁

I had a fab social yesterday.... nope not interested

I had a call with a new iron Mr Horizon last night, it went really well, date tomorrow evening. He's already messaging today and it's feeling nice and chilled. Chat on the phone was great.... here's hoping for a good car park kiss tomorrow

@Ruralbliss +1 for pheromones.

Just in role of keeping feet to ground, no red flags? I was trying to think of a list: how long since ex, how do they speak about ex? do they have a pet? Is the pet a mammal? Live alone but can’t have guests etc...

Sounds very promising!

Thanks @DudefromThatLondon

Good questions and I do have the answers to them & happy to report nothing showing as a red flag 🚩 (yet...)

Yes mammalian pet (out of interest why do you ask this - I'm assuming it indicates the level of selfless care someone has undertaken)

The Ex-files are plausible and we have common stories there.

I'm sitting on hands not texting him first this morning as I've finally learnt how to pretend to be cool even when I'm not feeling it.
Oh he's just texted me. That's nice. A 'Morning. Beautiful day. Last night was great thanks.'

I'm going to let him suggest the next rendezvous. Hope he does. Can't see why he wouldn't as clearly dtd is on the cards and both have indicated we'd favour a bit of that.

Heady times. Will throw myself into work now as have loads.

@Ruralbliss sounds fab. I’m excited for you 😊 no feeling like that headiness at the start

More restrictions here meaning we cannot go inside anyone’s house for the next 4 weeks. I despair 😩

In other news Mr Blue Eyes who i over invested in and then ghosted me has returned again. Asked how I was and that he would love to see me again if I wasn’t seeing anyone I resisted the urge to tell him why I wouldn’t see him again under any circumstances and just said I am seeing someone.
I did have a little moment of ‘what if’ because he was my first iron post marriage breakdown, first sexual encounter outside of my marriage so he got into my head big time. But I like where I am now and I know I couldn’t allow him to mess with my heart again as he inevitably would.

Exciting @Ruralbliss!
Another date with my iron last night (date number 6!) And have another meet planned for sat so it's going pretty well :)

Looking at @DudefromThatLondon s list there's also no red flags so far!

@Ruralbliss - all sounds very in order. Good for you.

With the mammals I was pretty much thinking that. So perhaps more a green flag than a red. I’ve never been sure what to make of people who keep reptiles, stick insects et al. Where’s the connection you get from exactly that selfless caring? Having said that, the only person I’ve been out with who wasn’t mad, bad or sad had a snake. In the end it got burnt in a fire but that was to do with me. I’ll exclude octopuses based on a Netflix film I’m going to watch later.

Very sound thinking @ZoZoBo. I’m wondering whether source of my recent angst Ms Straightforward (also first post-divorce) will reappear at some point. Since she was sad rather than mad or bad it might that she is quite reasonable and doesn’t get in contact. I suppose it’s best that she doesn’t but you want to know people have a little bit of a toss.

Tier 2 restrictions for me from Saturday. I have both mammal and reptile so I am not sure what it says about me. Being an animal lover is something on my deal breaker list.

Ruralbliss Sounds really promising!! Go steady, don't over invest, remember you are the prize and above all enjoy that wonderful heady feeling - well jel I am - all the way from France

Having (just about) got over Mr Dutchman I have a date tomorrow evening with Mr Rugby - we've texted and spoken on the phone and his English is very good. I think he sent me a message meant for someone else but covered it up as a joke, but it's early days yet.
Repeats to herself 'I will not over invest if I like him' ... we'll see!! He lives an hour and a half away but then everywhere is a long way here - just about do-able for weekends!

@Frenchlady14 Yes! We are the prize.

I seem to have a new attitude thanks to the 2.5 years of rich OLD discoveries.

I can't make him like me. If he does he does. If he doesn't then who wants to be with someone who doesn't like you anyway - sounds shit to me.
Been there, called it out and moved on.

I also cannot know someone after a couple of meets, a week and a half of texts and a few phonecalls.

Only by continuing to spend time together will we see whether we are compatible.

Really hope I get to test whether we are compatible in the sack (and that we are but if we aren't we aren't...)
Itching to ask whether he has plans for the weekend or not. But I won't. Am at work and busy. As is he. My mind is not on him at all. Allegedly...

Good luck to those on dates, how that's possible now I'm not sure.

I had brief contact from Mr W the other day but just day to day stuff. We got onto the subject of me and him and he said " we've already had that conversation". Then never got in touch again.

I just feel so dismissed at the moment. I don't want him back as he made me miserable but it doesn't stop the hurt I'm feeling and I feel like a prize idiot giving my care to someone who could just take me or leave me, and never really cared ☹

He really was like 2 different people, never knew what version you would get and it put me so off balance emotionally. I'm feeling really unbalanced at the moment.

How long will this take? I still love the man so much.

@Wanttobeonabeach - don’t they say a good rule of thumb is half the time you were in a relationship?

I think so dude...I don't want to feel like this for another few months.

He won't even be bothered though...I really did mean that little. I like the advice about not bothering about people that aren't bothered about you. Hard to put into practice though 🙁

@Wanttobeonabeach
Why have you not blocked him?

He just makes you feel like shit everytime, there is no need for any contact.

I think he gets a kick out of making you miserable.

@DudefromThatLondon i also think the ex question is a really valid one. Can people also really get over their ex? My partner was hurt extremely badly and when he explains what happened, I do wonder whether if I was in that same position, whether I could love someone again. I personally left an abusive relationship so I was pretty much done with him at the time. I guess everyone has baggage of some kind.