Dating Thread 195 - Level Dean, home of serious women who actually talk

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Dancerinthemoonlight thanks for the new thread! Well done on sticking to your boundaries.

I'm in Tier 1 London but looks like it may move to 2. I'm frustrated as I usually see my iron each weekend and leave the kids with my family. With the new restrictions, I could only really see one or the other. My iron is very much about sticking to the rules so we can get through this as a country as a whole so I don't anticipate seeing him for a while. I guess we could go for walks etc but seems strange given we have been so close till now.

@Eesha my county council are making an application to be moved to Tier 2 and will find out the decision by the weekend I believe. I suppose I am just feeling a bit of lockdown fatigue as I stuck to them to the letter in full lockdown and I know that others aren't going to be sticking to them.
It doesn't help that I have way to much time to fill as pretty much everyone in the Events sector is looking for jobs especially those who were self employed like myself. Keeping on going and applying. When potential irons ask what I do they usually go oh that sounds like a fun job to which I respond with 'yes it is when not in the middle of a pandemic' and that usually gets an oh yeah or I get a poor you.

It is a very frustrating time for most people especially single people of those who don't live with partners (I say most as some people are still worried about going out shopping let alone seeing others socially)

Not loving the idea of a more severe circuit breaker here either. Though from a science point of view it does make sense.

At the moment, me and MrCountry seem good to go for the month/5 weeks he’s back. We’re walking distance of each other.

it’s a bit but also I suppose spending more time together at his is the way to know if we’re compatible or not.

I REALLY don’t want to have to move in to his 100% for a few weeks if movements get restricted again and I can’t just park at his for a night or weekend. I mean it’s technically possible but also emotionally not really a pleasant prospect

I know a couple who did this in an early dating situation and it’s been pretty shit.

Level Dean is when you've swiped and swiped and swiped, and you finally get down to all the Deans. (Sorry anybody actually nice called Dean). Deans form that silty layer at the bottom of the Tinder pond, and are usually to be found wondering if there are any serious women on there who actually want to talk to an old fashioned gentleman who likes to treat a lady like a princess, don't want any drama, love "bants", and are looking for women who don't take themselves too seriously*.

*I mean that last one. Sorry, but women not being taken seriously is basically the entire fucking history of female oppression

I think we're the lowest possible tier down here at the moment, and long may it continue. Which would be fine, if the majority of my irons didn't currently happen to be in north Wales . One is in local lockdown already. Interested as to how the proposed closing of the border is going to work. Are they intending to post archers on the A5 or something?

I had a friend at school called Dean. But he was a bit of a sensitive type and wrote sensitive songs for acoustic guitar. One was called pagoda to the sea. I wasn’t quite sure what it was about and didn’t really like to ask.

I've never met a Dean...not sure I want to now! 😁

I've been swiping...urgh grim and reminded me why I hate it. No matches yet as I hardly swipe on any. Just keep thinking about Mr W.

@crackofdoom

I think we're the lowest possible tier down here at the moment, and long may it continue. Which would be fine, if the majority of my irons didn't currently happen to be in north Wales . One is in local lockdown already. Interested as to how the proposed closing of the border is going to work. Are they intending to post archers on the A5 or something?

Just take the English off the road signs should do it!

I went to uni with a Dean. He's now a heavyweight journo on one of the higher brow newspapers. He was a jumped up so-and-so then and I have no doubt he still is. But I guess he's not silt as such

Level Dean is a state of mind when you’re just swiping and chatting desperately, not even acknowledging who or what you are connecting with!

Boundaries are low, emotions are high.

Standards are below the floor, desperation is in the air. You’ve completed all the men and swipes and there’s no- one left. You may start drunk texting your weird ex

I found some old okcupid messages from last Xmas

I was struggling with a lot of stress, I hadn’t started using the apps (Tinder and bumble have their issues - but I basically was cutting myself off from most mainstream guys in my age range by not using them?)

I ended up having brief chats with

• Rude Guy .

Normal photos but you could tell from some of his messages he maybe was a bit of a fantasist. I’m in STEM so I “know “ what jobs people do/career profession etc.

We exchanged a few details and I got the vibe he’d dropped out of a science course and was coming up with anecdotes about all these tinfoil random projects he was doing.

I continued the chat regardless (this is because I was at level dean and desperate)

He then came up with “if you’re so busy why do you have so much time to chat on here ?”

• Old potato guy.

Not even sure why I swiped on him. I got a message saying “aren’t you a bit young for me?”

So I got rejected by two men I didn’t even want

    !!!!!!!!Level Dean alert!!!!!!!!

crackofdoom that is the best explanation of Level Dean I've ever read 🤣🤣 I agree totally with "I don't take life too seriously". What does that even mean? You play in traffic? You have Covid parties and ask people to spit in your eyes?
And in my experience, Level Dean is closely followed by Level Wayne...

Should have read properly before posting. Men who want women who don't take life seriously are, indeed, barrel scraping misogynists.

@crackofdoom - - hilarious. Just goes to show, always worth keeping old messages.

I heard that on bumble there’s quite a lot of liking fine wines and visiting 50 countries. Not sure what level that would be... Funnily enough, someone I matched with had I take myself very seriously on her profile. I complimented her on this and she mentioned the not taking oneself seriously thing.

@Wanttobeonabeach - I was where you are now a couple of weeks ago. Feel much better now so hang on in there. I try to think of it as like having the flu and I did actually come across a scientific paper which said emotional pain lights up the same region of the brain as physical pain and taking a paracetamol can help. Not sure I believe that.

Earlier I came across the ex-irons profile on an app in which she claimed to be straightforward. So from now on I’ll call her ms Straightforward, which she most definitely isn’t.

Aw thanks dude. I just honestly don't know how to get over it really atm. I just feel silly and quite used. Used as in I let him control everything, was so lovely to him whilst getting nothing back. Just feel a fool really!

Must be horrible seeing them back on the apps. I'm not sure how I would react to that...not good! I'm normally confident etc, he just turned me into some subordinate lovesick mess 😁

Indeed, wasn’t great as she’d said she needed to be on her own... Yes I felt a bit used. After weeks of uncertainty, leaving yourself open to someone and hoping for a good outcome it gets shoved back in your face, without much care for how you feel. But at least you’ve shown yourself able to make that emotional connection, even if it wasn’t reciprocated this time! That’s got to be a plus.

Hello everyone, I'm an occasional lurker to the dating thread, but they move so fast I get lost!
I've been swiping on and off, found the Deans & the Wayne's.
I've completely dropped my standards to the floor and still can't find anyone I even want to have a coffee with.
I had no idea how grim OLD is and I feel I'm only at the tip of the iceberg.
I just can't believe how many awful men there are out there!
But the experiences do make my friends laugh, and I'm trying 'not to take myself too seriously'. Thank god I have a thick skin (maybe my parents did do something right after all).

Why would anyone not take themselves seriously? Why? What sort of person presents themselves and genuinely announces ‘I’m a joke’? It’s my least favourite OLD trope

I love the “coded messages to an ex” in the profile as well - like really specifically having a go at a “certain kind of woman”

“I want someone to make the effort, you can’t just give and not get anything back.”

I once got:

“No pretentious hipster types who like sitting around in cafes”

This was what someone added to his profile after I went on one meet with him in a cafe and politely turned him down.

It really wasn’t a hipster cafe just a mainstream one that wasn’t McDonald’s

MrMilitary changed his from “would like to meet someone special”
to add “would like to meet someone special who can put up with my shit ” after we had a blazing WhatsApp row over the summer over his flakiness.

I suppose that’s kind of an apology? Although probably directed at many women including me knowing him.

Excited about MrCountry so all is well that ends well.

I read one today that had nothing in the profile except site logistics, including "if you stop responding I will delete you", I thought ok mate, calm down. Nearly swiped right just so I could start a conversation then ignore him :)

One recently, I've seen him a few times on other sites*, he looks like a pretentious lefty twat (note: I am left myself) and his profile says three times don't swipe on me if you don't live within fifteen miles, seriously, if you live mote than fifteen miles don't swipe.
So, I do live more, but I swiped anyway, just cos I keep seeing him and we had an amusing exchange before (amusing as in - he was a twat, so just amusing to me) and it was a match. So I just messaged saying can't believe you swiped on me when I clearly live over fifteen miles away. He just replied "my mistake". The comment is still there. Makes me laugh every day!

*Note: I am 99% sure this is a guy I met about thirty years ago from the old fashioned singles ads in the back of the Guardian weekend where they recorded a voice message and you phoned up and listened to it. And that's a whole other story......but I'd love to find out if it is him!

Who's come across 'woke guy'? Specific type. Not actually a sound person with lefty values but writ large they have de beauvoirs feminist tome on their nightstand, a political statement on their profile and itching to beat you with a rolled up guardian.

The performing feminist. Will quote greer for shags etc

I’m BME - woke guys on apps love me

Apparently quoting a shit guardian article about racism at me means I then start crying in gratitude at someone being an “ally” and give them sex.

Of course as a British woman of colour, I just love it when out of the blue it’s assumed that I’m really moved/impressed by stories about remote tribes and things like that

@VanGoghsDog
‘My mistake’ 🤣🤣🤣🤣