Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The other woman

206 replies

deesdeli · 12/10/2020 14:19

I'd like the views of others who have experienced a similar situation...

I am recovering from finding out about my exes infidelity with the same woman for over a year.

Whilst I have got rid of him and given him the sh*t he deserved I am now left with unbelievable rage towards the other woman.

The other woman was fully aware he was in a relationship and actively pursued him again and again....I cannot believe a word he says and suspect there is a lot more the to story he hasnt told me so I am tempted to contact her to find out the truth and to vent on her.

I cannot believe that women can behave like this towards another woman and I suppose I am trying to find closure to this horrible chapter .

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 13/10/2020 22:54

@deesdeli
She's not worth it. The truth and honesty are not her thing.

Don't see it as she got away with it...she lives by a different set of moral values than you.

Being a woman doesn't naturally make her a good person..for all the men who have affairs...they have a willing partner...woman are not innocent..society just expects more of them than men.

Look forward and focus on healing from the trauma of the affair. She doesn't deserve any space in your head. View her as insignificant in your life.

@tenbob
No flaming from me. I think it's a dangerous course of action to get involved with a married man or woman....she took the risk.

Being an avid fan of true stories, there are so many affairs that result in tragic ends.

Be it the betrayed spouse, murdered by their spouse or the affair partner or the affair partner. The ones you hear of are the ones who get caught.

If you insert yourself in another person's marriage, you take a risk and it can cause merry hell and backfire on you and sometimes your family. People never think about the consequences.

The OW in your case got nothing less than she deserved, for behaving unethically and not every betrayed spouse will leave you to get on with your life after discovery, so any OM/OW should absolutely be careful.

Just like you have the bunny boiler OW...the crazy BW exists too...so I would accept my part in any revenge, if I was sleeping with another woman's husband...because as a grown adult, I ought to know that actions have consequences and take responsibility for my behaviour.

ravenmum · 14/10/2020 07:36

I absolutely wouldn’t recommend phoning up and ranting, smashing windows or any classic ‘crazy bitch’ behaviour
Out of interest, why would you advise against that, but still recommend the less classic "plotting psycho" route that you took? I mean, don't both routes have the same effect - a brief rush of revenge, followed by a lifetime of difficult mental gymnastics to maintain your self-esteem?

choli · 14/10/2020 08:11

He is old school and didn’t/doesn’t get that flirting online is now classified as an EA, he does now.
On MN. Real life is a bit different.

deesdeli · 19/10/2020 12:59

Me again :)
I found a public blog written by the OW recently online and they talk about their relationship with my ex.
I am infuriated by the picture that they paint - no mention of being the OW of course but they do say that they were actively pursuing "this man for a polyamorous relationship" which of course I knew nothing about.

I am tempted to post a comment online but I am not sure if this is the right thing to do??

Any advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation?
What did do you do?
How did you feel after?
Were there any repercussions?

OP posts:
category12 · 19/10/2020 13:09

If I were her, I'd simply delete your comment.

From her perspective, perhaps what she's saying is true anyway? If he lied and gaslighted you, there's no reason he didn't to her as well. And even if not, and she's lying online, your comment isn't going to change her narrative.

Also, she might laugh at you or get you warned off for harassment.

It just seems like a waste of your energy.

wewillmeetagain · 19/10/2020 17:24

@tenbob me and you could be best friends! I would have done exactly the same. All this revenge doesn't make you feel better claptrap is absolute bollocks! It sure does and I NEVER lay awake at night feeling guilty about it, if anything it makes me giggle whenever I think about it!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page