To leave France

[CroissantMuncher]

I have a DP (French) I love and a job that is deeply unfulfilling but pays well. We live in France and I can now apply for citizenship: it will take 2 years for that to be processed.

I am bilingual so there is no language issue. I just find myself missing living in the UK for lots of reasons. I feel like I'm done with france and what I would actually like to do is go back to the UK and retrain in psychology.

I'm 34. All my family and friends in the UK say I'm mad, France is so much better (whilst they still live in the UK....), that I'm throwing away my chance at an EU passport post Brexit, that I'm throwing away my relationship (he refuses to move).

I really dont know what to do. On the one hand settled life with DP in France. On the other hand change career and go back to UK. Part of me thinks I could regret leaving so close to getting citizenship. Another part of me thinks life is short.

Anyone been in a similar quandary or have any thoughts?

@TatianaBis - I was replying to Hannah Stern. She was pointing out a UK recession, I was merely pointing out serious issues outside the UK as well. Sometimes I think we forget other nations have been very severely hit by this wretched pandemic. The news rarely reports that.

I can imagine its longer cos of Brexit but 2 years seems a lot.

OP I think some of this comes down to your DP not wanting to live somewhere else - it seems to be making you feel trapped. I wonder if he was up for living elsewhere if you might feel your horizons were broader and that you had more options. Maybe the UK represents freedom and opportunity whereas staying where you are doesn't?

@Brefugee

There won't be any problem for UK citizens travelling in the EU after Brexit. We'll just need a visa.

You do know that isn't what we're all talking about when we mention FoM?

OP you said you grew up overseas, have you ever actually lived in the UK as an adult? I know several people in that situation and they only know the UK as their holiday destination or for short visits. The reality is very different especially with no job.

Yes, I do know. But thanks so much for checking. I was replying to someone who said that the OP being a French citizen would be necessary for travelling in the EU.

If I had your options I would stay in France for 2 years in the hope of obtaining citizenship because citizenship brings the benefit of access to the whole of the EU and in ten years time two extra years in France will seem insignificant provided you use that time wisely. During those 2 years I would concentrate on studying and saving. It sounds like your evenings are free so you could use that time to study online.

I would investigate online study at a Dutch university as I understand they are very good value and I believe they teach in English. Alternatively I would investigate courses in Germany, Switzerland, Belgium or Spain (language permitting) and live just over the border in France. Two years will pass pretty quickly if you are studying and working and you will find out if it is your relationship or your location that are making you feel unfulfilled. Two years conversion or undergraduate study should also help you decide if a career in psychology is what you want.

Good luck breaking out of what sounds like a rut whilst still taking prudent decisions.

I work in the field of psychology

I love it

Could you do distance learning ?

I’m surprised It’s BRITs being refused after living here for decades and running businesses. I would imagine they weren’t replying via marriage. Maybe they were frontaliers, otherwise it would be a very unusual situation.

OP isn't married.

I can guarantee you, in the area I live in, multiple serious applications"
are being refused.

Barely any Brits we’re applying back in 2011. Now in Brit-heavy places like Annecy and Montpellier there are so many applicants it’s taking over two years to get to the initial interview stage.

If your DP is refusing under any circumstances to move -I would reevaluate. Children, family illness -and your DP still refuses to move -how is that equal. I'd be very careful.

I know op isn’t married. I’ve tried looking for figures on refusals and can’t find any but multiple refusals of people who have been here decades is absolutely noT the message I am hearing in the big nationality FB groups which are pretty much on top of this stuff. The fact that that one guy got a huge petition going suggests to me it’s pretty rare. But like I say, I don’t have any figures 🤷‍♀️

MsKeats... The Machismo here, is something that needs to be believed to be real !

[quote Maireas]@TatianaBis - I was replying to Hannah Stern. She was pointing out a UK recession, I was merely pointing out serious issues outside the UK as well. Sometimes I think we forget other nations have been very severely hit by this wretched pandemic. The news rarely reports that.[/quote]
@Maireas, you seem quite ill informed as to the extent of the recession in the UK comparison to other countries.

Hannah, I am not ill informed. I am very aware of the recession statistics here and abroad courtesy of the FT reports this week, which make for uncomfortable reading. I thought your implication that only the UK was in recession was very ill informed.

Christ. Don't come back to the UK. Its a fucking shit show on sparkly shit.
Even people are turning in each other in a way they didn't 6 months ago.
I know nowhere is much fun to be in a Covid 2020 but Britain is probably in the top 10 of places not to be.
We are fucked as a nation.

[quote Maireas]@TatianaBis - I was replying to Hannah Stern. She was pointing out a UK recession, I was merely pointing out serious issues outside the UK as well. Sometimes I think we forget other nations have been very severely hit by this wretched pandemic. The news rarely reports that.[/quote]
Really? The news hasn’t reported what’s been going on in China, US, Italy, Germany, Spain, Portugal, Greece, NZ, Aus..?

Thanks for pointing there are issues outwith the U.K, otherwise we’d never have known.

@CroissantMuncher

Thanks for your thoughts! I could still retrain in France but it would be a majorly drawn out process compared to the UK.

In the UK I could do a one year conversion, get practical work experience for a year or two and then try and get on the funded doctoral training.

In France I would have to go back and do a three year BA followed by a two year MA...

I did that conversion and two years of work experience. Depending on what doctorate you're aiming for, it takes a fair few years on awful pay where you're bottom of the pile and working under extreme stress. After two years I went back to my old (well paid) career but a different area and haven't looked back.

Don’t leave France. It is just a better run country. I would move there in a heart beat if I had a transferable qualification.
Get your citizenship then think about a return.
I am biased though I love France.

@TatianaBis, no problem, it seems that some people on here genuinely think only the UK has a recession! Spain and Italy are hit very hard. I just think some Brits on here have got a bit self obsessed. Only the UK is suffering!!!

France is a lovely country, I used to live in Provence. If it's not working for the OP, though, she's wise to return. Tricky decision, so let us know, OP!

It’s not working for OP because she’s in a dull bit of France with a dull man.

Dreaming that in she can fast track to doctorate in the U.K. will lead to disappointment and then she won’t be able to get out.

@TatianaBis - I actually think that you've hit the nail on the head there. It does seem like the relationship is dull and maybe also it's the area of France that's the issue, she does speak of a lack of social life etc.

@TatianaBis
Thats harsh but fair. I think really on balance this thread has shown me that I need to change things up here in France whilst waiting for the citizenship. That way at least I won't regret having bailed early, and I also wont wonder "what would have happened if I'd changed region?".
I have lived in loads of regions of France before but the relationship has kept me tied to this last one now and I think it has buried me in more of a rut than I had thought.

It could be that I'm spending a lot of energy and emotion on figuring out countries and careers when actually the change is simpler. It's hard because I don't want to lose someone I love over this but it might be the only route.

That's sad, @CroissantMuncher, but maybe for the best. Do you want to try another region of France? How about the change of career and the doctorate?

Do you think you might be happier in an area with more Brits in it?

It’s very difficult. We have the kind of life that we could only dream of back in the UK. And yet I’m homesick, lonely, bored, unstimulated, miserable. I know that it would be such a big mistake to give this up and yet...