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Original poster

Worried about my sons dating life due to his size

273 replies

ComputerDad · 29/09/2020 15:26

Hello Everyone,

This may be an odd question, however I worry a lot about my son ( Dont all parents!? ) and I just want him to be happy.

My son is a small young man, hes just under 5'7" tall and weighs about 61 Kg. He is 17 years old and not likely to grow any taller or according to the doc.

This normally wouldn't concern me, however I have seen posts on Mumset about short men, and my Wife mentions to me often that she loves how tall I am ( I am 6'2" ), and never liked men unless they were over a head taller than she was.

I worry that he will struggle in life due to his height, and have trouble finding women that like him.

He is a handsome young man, with thick dark hair and thick dark facial hair, with Italian features from his mothers side of the family. Even still, I am worried, by the way I have heard woman talk about smaller men.

I have no experience with this, as I have always been large, and never had to think about my size when trying to date woman.

Am I being irrational? Is this something that I should even be concerned about? Is there anything I can tell him or advise him when it comes to woman and his size?

Id appreciate any input you can provide.

OP posts:
doctorhamster · 29/09/2020 17:32

I'm a 5ft 7 female and off the top of my head I can think of at least 5 men I know who are shorter than me. Two of them are teachers at my dds school. Both married. One is my friends husband (friend is a good couple of inches taller than him). My BIL is 5ft 5 and also happily married. It honestly doesn't matter.

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 29/09/2020 17:33

Agree that DSs can continue to grow until early 20s. DS has grown an inch since he started at university. He was not much taller than your DS, OP, at 16/17.

MadCattery · 29/09/2020 17:33

My son is small. In school he was among the most popular, girls adored him and still do! He’s 31 and about 5’6, 5’7. Happily married, still crazy popular.

bonzo77 · 29/09/2020 17:38

My brother sounds much like your son. He had women falling over each other for him as he’s a really decent, funny, clever person. And is happily married with 2 children. His wife is the same height and shoe size as him. They share shoes. All is good.

silverbubbles · 29/09/2020 17:39

Such a shame that you are making his height an issue by having consulted a doctor on the matter!. Concentrate on all the things which are within his control and which really matter to a future partner.

nolovelost · 29/09/2020 17:40

Concentrate on building his esteem, don't highlight all this to him. His confidence is the most important thing and he'll find someone genuine if he believes in himself.

Ilovecharliecat · 29/09/2020 17:44

I think that it's really sweet that you have concern for your son, however you don't need to worry. My husband is 5' 6" and his height has never been a problem to me (however I'm 5' 2"). Its his personality that counts and if anyone is so shallow about him due to his height then she's not worth headspace.

steff13 · 29/09/2020 17:45

I am about 5'9" and my STBX husband is 5'11". On paper, I prefer a man over 6' tall, but he was only 2" taller than me and I never cared. Most women are under 5'7, so your son is going to be taller than most women anyway. And for the right woman, it won't matter.

OhCaptain · 29/09/2020 17:47

@Ilovecharliecat

I think that it's really sweet that you have concern for your son, however you don't need to worry. My husband is 5' 6" and his height has never been a problem to me (however I'm 5' 2"). Its his personality that counts and if anyone is so shallow about him due to his height then she's not worth headspace.
This stuff is pissing me off now.

Women don’t owe attraction to men, short or otherwise.

We’re allowed to have preferences and certain traits that we find attractive.

fluffiphlox · 29/09/2020 17:49

Is he a decent chap? That’s the important thing.

WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC · 29/09/2020 17:56

I am a bit surprised the doctor said he won’t grow - males grow until they are 21? - this. The doctor might be an idiot or you misinterpreted what he said.

Regardless, try not to get fixated on something that your son can't change. You won't help him. Most women do prefer men over 5'10'' or 6', but certainly not all. You need to model acceptance and stoicism as it relates to physical traits - your son will pick up on your handwringing and it will impact him more negatively than his actual height...

I am 5'9'' and my dp is 5'10''. I don't like tall men. 6' is my cutoff point. There's a lid for every pot.

IDontLikeZombies · 29/09/2020 17:58

James McAvoy is 5"7, Mark Wahlberg is 5"8, lovely looking men. My dad is 5"3' - he won a male beauty contest

AltoCation · 29/09/2020 18:01

Most women do prefer men over 5'10'' or 6'

Says who?

If they do, bad luck because the average height for me in the UK is 5'9"

And have a look at this - based on how people actually behave on dating websites where they can pick and choose on physical characteristics www.standard.co.uk/lifestyle/dating/most-attractive-height-for-man-woman-a3846246.html

I certainly don't want a man I can't look in the eye without craning my neck.

AltoCation · 29/09/2020 18:02

Average height for MEN in the UK is 5'9"

Fink · 29/09/2020 18:06

It's not like you can do anything to make him taller (put him on the rack?!) so there's little point worrying about it. Personally, I find taller men attractive, but it's only one in a huge number of factors and not a particularly important one. I'd much rather date someone physically less attractive (whether in height or any other area) but intelligent and kind than a beautiful arsehole.

My husband was only 5' 8'' and he's managed to get through 4 wives/fiancées before the age of 40, so even being short and a bit of an arsehole doesn't necessarily hold you back, there's hope for us all. Grin

SerenityNowwwww · 29/09/2020 18:07

Shorter in Scotland, and a fair chunk of the world I’d say - Asia, Spain, Italy, France... Middle East...

workhomesleeprepeat · 29/09/2020 18:07

Lol Jesus chill out your son will be fine. Height is not everything. Hope to god he’s never heard your wife’s silly opinions.

bellinisurge · 29/09/2020 18:08

Mum was taller than Dad. As was I eventually.
My brother is short.
Any woman who rules out a bloke because of his height is shallow.

starfro · 29/09/2020 18:11

My mother always said that women want the sixes:

6ft tall
6 figure salary
6 inch penis

crystaltips98 · 29/09/2020 18:13

My partner is 5'7" but claims he is 5'8" (a white lie he can just get away with) but he is the most wondeful man i have ever met. Your son will be fine

BubbleBoy12 · 29/09/2020 18:14

My ex was 5ft 7 and I'm 5ft 5, didn't bother me. I fancied the pants off him and he was very slender, weighed slightly less than me but didn't bother me.

littlenickyy61 · 29/09/2020 18:17

How does he feel about his height has he mentioned concerns at all. He may be perfectly fine with his height . Also I met my now ex husband when he was 19 and he definitely grew a good few inches by the time he was 21/22. He also used to do the hang from the bar and pull yourself up exercises ,not to try and grow but as a muscle building fitness thing and he puts the extra inches of growth down to that ( not sure if that true but few of his friends did same and go the same result ) If he has concerns about his height then maybe he could try that .

Thecobwebsarewinning · 29/09/2020 18:21

Girls have generally stopped growing by 17 but boys often carry on until they are 21 or even 22. But even if your son is an exception and has stopped growing completely he is not particularly short. The average U.K. woman is about 5ft 3in so he’s taller than most of them. And even though some might say they prefer taller men, I’ve never yet heard someone say that they married a man for his height or, when asked what they love about their partner, say “oh, he’s just so tall!’

Even on this site, notorious for hosting a brutally honest nest of vipers, I’ve never seen a thread detailing the relative merits of short men versus tall!

amillionwishes · 29/09/2020 18:23

Firstly, please don't be concerned about his height and be more concerned about you even accidentally giving him a complex about it.

Secondly, I'm well above average height for a woman and have dated and married men shorter than I am, many tall women won't find it an issue. Those that do, not everyone is attracted to everyone and there's absolutely no reason why he won't find someone his own height or shorter than him, he's not exactly short.

Thirdly, he may well grow still. My DP had a growth spurt at 18 and is now 6'3.

Why are you talking to the dr about his height? Unless he has medical issues around it I can't believe someone would take their 17 year old to the dr because they're 5'7 Confused

booearing · 29/09/2020 18:52

I've been with my Dp for 25 years and he is only 5ft 2.
I have never been bothered about his height Dp has a son who he had before we met, he is 5ft 3 and has had many relationships.
My Ds is also 5ft 3 and he hasn't had a problem.
Is it you or your son that has a problem with his height?