Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Worried about my sons dating life due to his size

273 replies

ComputerDad · 29/09/2020 15:26

Hello Everyone,

This may be an odd question, however I worry a lot about my son ( Dont all parents!? ) and I just want him to be happy.

My son is a small young man, hes just under 5'7" tall and weighs about 61 Kg. He is 17 years old and not likely to grow any taller or according to the doc.

This normally wouldn't concern me, however I have seen posts on Mumset about short men, and my Wife mentions to me often that she loves how tall I am ( I am 6'2" ), and never liked men unless they were over a head taller than she was.

I worry that he will struggle in life due to his height, and have trouble finding women that like him.

He is a handsome young man, with thick dark hair and thick dark facial hair, with Italian features from his mothers side of the family. Even still, I am worried, by the way I have heard woman talk about smaller men.

I have no experience with this, as I have always been large, and never had to think about my size when trying to date woman.

Am I being irrational? Is this something that I should even be concerned about? Is there anything I can tell him or advise him when it comes to woman and his size?

Id appreciate any input you can provide.

OP posts:
Chickenwing · 30/09/2020 16:48

5 foot 7 is taller than the average woman

But a good relationship is with someone who loves you for who you are, not your height.

TheTeenageYears · 30/09/2020 16:53

@ComputerDad Height difference between DH's parents is 14 inches. DH is only 2 inches shorter than his DH but gastro specialist still thinks there could well be something in that and it's not even an issue with DH that we were dealing with so I wouldn't be too quick to assume your DH's height is being limited by your wife's size.

LaLaLoopsieLoo · 30/09/2020 17:29

ComputerDad I used to worry about my brother, don’t know his exact height but I’m around 5’3 and he’s only a few inches taller, maybe 5’6? Anyway, all of his girlfriends have been absolutely stunning, my sisters and I have always been a bit baffled (in a light hearted, sibling banter kind of way) brother and his now fiancé have been together for years, she is beautiful, tall, slender, there is a noticeable height difference however it’s never been an issue for them and they’re very happy, they’re an amazing couple. Understand your concerns but don’t worry, your son will be fine. Think we all worry about our children for one reason or another.

My boyfriend before DH was only a couple of inches taller, genuinely loved him and then the cheeky shit dumped me a week before he flew to Ibiza... (tried to rekindle the week he returned) he was handsome, funny, great in bed but as it happened, a real charmer and a massive player too. Obviously struck gold when I met DH a year later, lol.

BlueJag · 30/09/2020 17:35

Tom Cruise has done very well with that height. My adorable handsome husband it's about 5'8 at a push. I'm 5'6. Honestly the character of a man is more important for long term happiness.
I have a 5'3 son very short and he has done ok. Not great but that's more down to his bad temper that often ruins relationships.

monkeyonthetable · 30/09/2020 19:26

My DS who is only 5'5" was worried about his height. I told him the story about the two supermodels who bumped into each other on the way to and from Billy Joel's apartment and realised he was two-timing them. I wasn't suggesting his behaviour was cool, just pointing out that this 5'4" man had two of the world's most beautiful women competing for his attention, so being short isn't in itself a turn off.

Stay123 · 30/09/2020 19:42

I don’t fancy tall men, ie over 6 ft as they are often skinny which I don’t like and I get a cricked neck when I walk next to them and have to look up. I have always liked shorter, stockier men.

WellThisWentWell · 30/09/2020 19:45

Why are men aloud to be ”visual creatures”, but women must love any sea monster that comes their way or else they are shallow?

Original poster
ComputerDad · 30/09/2020 19:52

@WellThisWentWell

Why are men aloud to be ”visual creatures”, but women must love any sea monster that comes their way or else they are shallow?
I never implied anyone was shallow, or that woman's ( and mens ) preferences are something that is wrong.

I was simply seeking reassurance that my son will be OK when it comes to dating, and other areas of life, due to his size.

OP posts:
OhCaptain · 30/09/2020 20:08

You didn't, @ComputerDad but lots did. It's extremely disappointing to see women slag off other women for having the audacity to have preferences when it comes to sexual partners.

MilerVino · 30/09/2020 20:09

I'm 5'7", my OH is 5'9", we both weigh around 9 stone. Him being slight and not much taller than me is part of the attraction for me. You may also find your son grows a little - when I was 18/19 I went from 5' 6" to my current height.

Yes, it will rule out some partners for him. But then again, whatever we're like it rules out someone. I don't like men over 6' tall as I find it intimidating. I don't like overweight men. Everyone will have a preference. He'll be fine - focus on his personal qualities, on what he can do, not what he looks like.

Odile13 · 30/09/2020 20:18

He’ll be fine. It wouldn’t be an issue for me. My DH isn’t tall and I find him very attractive.

I have heard some women talk quite rudely about short men. Of course women are allowed to have visual preferences (I certainly do!) but there’s no need to be nasty about it.

lizbetlizbet · 30/09/2020 21:07

People haven't said that people - men or women - aren't "allowed" to be visual creatures, more that there are plenty of people around who will date and be with people for other reasons and not care about visuals. If anyone - man or woman - wants to date based on visual preferences that is ok too. People have used the word shallow which isn't ideal, granted, but i read that to mean visual preferences dominating. For me visual isn't so important but chemistry and cleverness and a dress sense which appeals to me and wanting to stay healthy and fit are important - all these things could be regarded as "shallow" too. Some people also have visual preferences but choose to ignore them when contemplating a life partner as other qualities are more important to them.

I think that tall is subconsciously seen as superior in our culture and it isn't a bad thing to challenge that in our thinking - but not judge those who think visual preferences are very important - we should all live and let live and all that.

Just out of interest though, would you prefer someone to want to date you because of how you look/how tall you are or because of your other qualities? Men are "allowed" to be visual if they want to be but i would prefer a man who was more interested in other qualities.

Tossacointoyerwitcher · 30/09/2020 21:14

@WellThisWentWell

Why are men aloud to be ”visual creatures”, but women must love any sea monster that comes their way or else they are shallow?
Speaking as a bloke myself, they shouldn't be.

I get this excuse was used in the past by many of my gender (and still is by many to this day), however I'd much rather men as a whole developed some depth of personality to achieve equality than suggest women get more shallow instead.

FWIW there's plenty of "sea monsters" I've found incredibly sexy based on their personality - or simply being able to appreciate physical aspects that more mainstream assessments might consider are dealbreakers. Likewise, plenty of "perfect 10" models I find as sexy as magnolia paint. Perfection is dull, dull, dull. Other's mileage might vary, admittedly.

ShelbyCherryBlossom · 30/09/2020 22:05

My DP is 5'7 and I think he's the perfect height! I'm 5'2 so we're a short couple. My exH was 6'2, he got lots of female attention but his personality was shit. Teach him to be nice (and funny!) and he'll be fine Smile

EarthSight · 01/10/2020 16:29

He is 17 years old and not likely to grow any taller or according to the doc

Really????? Is that true? When I was in my early 20s in a very studenty area, I remember seeing 18 year old boys and girls and they are definitely a bit smaller in height and general build.

EternalOptimist7 · 01/10/2020 16:32

The biggest crush I ever had was on a guy who was at the most 5ft 5”. Height never came into the equation. He was incredibly sexy, warm, friendly, kind.......

SodaPerson · 01/10/2020 16:39

You'll find that height becomes less relevant if he has a successful or well paid career.

JimmyJabs · 01/10/2020 17:17

@SodaPerson

You'll find that height becomes less relevant if he has a successful or well paid career.
There we are - all those pages of posts by women saying that height isn't important to them and talking about their shorter DHs must actually be concerned only with money and status. What shallow gold-diggers we women are.
OrangeFluff · 01/10/2020 19:20

The reality is that lots of woman want a man taller than them- but 5’7” isn’t massively short Smile

I’m 5’10” and don’t find men shorter than me attractive. It’s not shallow to have a preference on the aesthetics of a sexual partner!

DotTheCaddy · 01/10/2020 19:26

I'm 5'3" and I would happily date a man that was 5'7", it wouldn't even cross my mind not to!

My DH is over 6 foot and its a pain in the arse, I have to stand on a step if we take a selfie together otherwise next to him in the photo is a big space with my forehead poking up at the bottom

B1rdflyinghigh · 01/10/2020 19:29

Actually being 5'5" I prefer shorter men. You can't sneak kisses from men who are any taller than 5' 10"!

TheUnwindingCableCar · 01/10/2020 19:31

He might turn out to be gay and get himself a tall (or shorter) husband.

SodaPerson · 01/10/2020 20:01

@JimmyJabs

Nooo, I didn't mean it like that.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that usually someone is attracted to another person or starts screening potential dates for one particular factor or another. This can very between looks, height, build, talent, sucessful career, financial stability, etc.

Then after this, they will see if they are compatible, have common life views/goals, love, etc...

Usually, everyone seeks / looks out for a partner who has both physical looks and success. But, if a potential date/partner is better looking, I would be less interested in their financial success. Whereas, if they weren't as good looking, I would be more interested in their financial success.

Hypothetically, I /everyone would ideally be looking for someone who has both height/looks and financial success/stability.

And if I'm being honest, only the later applies to me! :(
(Successfull financially, but average looks)

I am/was just trying to keep the conversation honest/real.

There's nothing wrong with seeking a partner who is both tall and rich, tbh.

lizbetlizbet · 01/10/2020 20:40

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that usually someone is attracted to another person or starts screening potential dates for one particular factor or another. This can very between looks, height, build, talent, sucessful career, financial stability, etc i used to think i only found over 6 ft attractive...and married a 6ft1 attractive man who turned out to be abusive and a while after separating from the abusive man, fell for someone who was 5'9 who was not abusive, and it slightly scares me to think that formerly i would have screened 5'9 guy out totally as a potential partner before i got to know him, just because of his height (which is not short)

i wonder whether the conditioning we get in relation to how we should screen in relation to physique/money is in any way linked to how many awful, abusive relationships there are out there

GrimSisters · 01/10/2020 20:54

My DH was 5ft at 16 and reached 5ft 10 - he was simply a late bloomer. I've dated men of every height imaginable up to 6ft7 - I'm a mere 5ft.

I dated a small but perfectly formed (honestly, he was beautiful) policeman once, who I was able to do it standing up with - which was niceWink. Last I heard he'd settled down with a Scandinavian model.

Point being that there are plenty of women your son's height and shorter (and many taller) that will be happy to date him if he's a decent bloke.