I am not a fan of marriage to say the least, not because of any issues with being faithful/monogamous, to me it is just a bureaucratic formality. And very hard to get out of if you end up choosing the wrong person. I suspect this is a case of "the poster doth protest too much"
but life isn't always full of negative after negative for everyone. no...but every relationship DOES end in some way - either a split or one dies - and marriage provides protection at those times
so it's a good job I haven't decided to have a child with a selfish twat! oh boy!
Let me guess - you think ALL we single mums that have had issues with our exes over the dc had fair warning they'd be "selfish twats" prior to having those dc?! That we ALL stupidly deliberately chose poor fathers? It must be nice to be so perfect!
My ex gave absolutely NO indication of how he would be post divorce in the 13 years I knew him prior to splitting, the character change was so profound his own family and close friends from childhood genuinely believed he was having a breakdown! Prior to even marriage he was heavily critical of deadbeat dads. While married finances were pooled and chores done equally and he was an involved and adoring father to dd...
...within DAYS of the split due to his cheating he:
Emptied the joint bank accounts KNOWING I had no other source of money NOR another account for people to transfer money to.
Took the family car without telling me at some point after midnight that night leaving me stranded with a toddler in the arse end of nowhere!
On a separate day removed valuables from the family home without my knowledge or agreement including jewellery which were family heirlooms from MY family
Turned up still drunk/hungover for "contact" with dd, stinking of booze and fags and looking like he hadn't so much as washed his face! Very likely over the drink drive limit he could barely stand properly and yet he expected me to hand over dd for him to drive her over 20 miles to see his parents!
His parents later that day called me to apologise for the state he was in and told me they'd had words with him themselves. They sounded sort of in shock!
There's a saying
You don't really know someone until you divorce them and ime that's very true.
Of the other single mums I have met along the way, who were also blindsided by the change in their exes, that I have come across along the way I have heard of:
Businesses jointly owned being closed down and sold (illegally) staff made redundant etc behind their backs
Family homes EMPTIED when the mum and children were out at work/school including the children's furniture, clothes, toys, tech etc and given to new woman's dc - this I've heard of a few times!
Bank accounts emptied and valuables taken...
To be honest if you go on certain Male dominated online forums you will actually see such things being suggested to others as if it's perfectly acceptable and normal to treat your ex and your CHILDREN in this way, in fact this is VERY much the TAME end of the spectrum! Some of the stuff suggested is absolutely vile and I won't repeat!
DP says in cases where parents have split, he finds it disgusting that a man could leave the ex partner and DC in a dire financial situation. He says if the mother is struggling financially, the DC will also suffer the consequences and he can't understand how any man could stand by and let that happen.
This was EXACTLY what my ex was like prior to split - To the point he ended one friendship because the guy was "haggling" with his ex over a paltry child maintenance settlement (this was prior to csa).
If the worst were to happen.. we have life insurance. We also have extra life insurance policies through work due to the nature of our jobs. We are both listed as the beneficiary on each others policies - there is no requirement for us to be married. which either of you can change without informing the other of, let alone without their agreement.
But.. in worst case scenario, I am financially secure.
Very much relieved to hear that. Are your savings only accessible by you?