Dating Thread 194 - Dire men of the Internet

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Thread title in honour of of @crackofdoom from thread 193

Thanks gang, I sent a message to Mr Beautiful 'that sounds nice, what did you have in mind?'
No reply 🙄 though I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and could be at work. 5.30 deadline there, which is ok for a spontaneous thing.

And still nothing from Mr Charity, I'm not blocking him because I want the pleasure of saying 'are you having a laugh?' when he shows back up.

Now an old iron has rematched, he seemed lovely and we chatted and planned a dinner date which he cancelled a couple of days before and said he wasn't ready. I remember being pissed off but at least it was before we met. He's back on tinder and chatting and said he took time out and feels better and he swiped me again because I have beautiful eyes. I swiped because up to the cancellation he was lovely. I'm being cautious but maybe he was actually telling the truth. Mr Reserved

A couple of meh messages about the cinema from Mr Planner (where he apparently was the other night when he avoided my catch up question) so I waited an hour and then sent equally bland messages back with no attempt at communication.

Ok someone talk sense into me! I mentioned yesterday that mr BlueEyes had randomly texted hi late Wednesday night after weeks of no contact. I responded ‘hello!!’ the next morning when I saw the text which looking back I regret doing!
Anyway no further response so last night I saw he was online and I message that I presumed the text last night was sent mistakenly and he responded straight away no it wasn’t...that’s it I asked ok so what’s up and nothing.
I am raging with myself tbh as I engaged and now my head has gone there again just when I was getting over his ghosting by meeting and chatting other irons. I was so invested and the feelings are back with a vengeance
What I really want to happen is him to beg my forgiveness and have a really good explanation for what happened😂.....because I really want to see him again! This is most unlikely to happen I know!
I can’t block him even though I know I should 🙈

I can try do what I did before which was archive the chat and go on dates with others until I find someone to make me forget ...but I’m so much more annoyed now than I was 3 weeks ago!

Any tips on handling this?? I know this post will make several of you want to shake me

Lol at @ZoZoBo and @Dancerinthemoonlight

I think we’re synchronising with old irons randomly reappearing - I got a WhatsApp today from my front runner from a couple months ago.

Nothing seriously bad - I’d suggested casual and didn’t (don’t) want anything more with him but towards the end of our interaction he was fairly terse/difficult/rude -

suggesting we do things then acting like I was being pushy when I brought them up. Which I didn’t like.

Then of course I detached, went on other dates.

So I presume he’d met someone else and now it’s run it’s course and he’s popping up again! Must be something in the weather!

@ZoZoBo

I really wouldn’t stress too much - I think EVERYONE has done a similar thing with texting/messaging, you wouldn’t be human if you weren’t.

We all KNOW the best and most sensible thing is to ignore, but also why not be a bit passionate and let emotions go from time to time?

I’d say I’ve improved with boundaries and sensible behaviour dealing with old irons 85% of the time but also I did get into a very sweary and heated WhatsApp discussion with MrMilitary last time we were in touch so “such is life”

Just laugh it off and be kind to yourself, and move forward with your other stuff.

@ZoZoBo Delete the conversation ? If you don’t want to block I think it was @supercali77 that had the technique of renaming the contact to something insulting reminding why not to contact. I wonder about dating others when you’re not over someone. I’ve tried it but I felt flat and disengaged with it, and felt like I was wasting their time. For me a break from it all and a solid engagement with friends helps sort things out.

I briefly set up a fab account, briefly in that I hid it after my phone exploded with messages. Have two possible irons for fwb now, both physically very much my type. And also a couple of men for proper dating.

I feel like I'm being very bad, after being in a monogamous relationship for so long, but I'm still in pieces about that situation and need someone to distract me until I'm over him (not sure I ever will be) or it's resolved.

What are the rules? Don't promise exclusivity?

@ZoZoBo

Are you me.... I'm doing the same with Mr Planner

I know how you feel

Well Mr Beautiful only just messaged ...

@Bunkbedpeople your comment made me howl laughing 😂

@ZoZoBo in response to @HairyArsedMan‘s comment about renaming an iron something unflattering, I renamed Mr Beard “Twat with the Chat” for a while and all it meant was I got super excited about a message from a man I’d named a Twat 😂. So changed him back. I do tend to delete the message threads and archive though so I can’t keep looking back.

I think we need a bench for those still smitten with exes and battling on anyway! But God knows what we would call it.

Regarding lateness on dates - I am often a bit late as I just have that sort of chaotic busy life but I ALWAYS text and apologise profusely and then apologise again when I arrive

@cravingthelook - did you hear back from any of your potential dates tonight? I am having a night off to stay in with my DD and then a girl’s night out tomorrow so my irons are on pause this weekend (and next as I’m away).

@VanGoghsDog not had a chance to talk to Mr Bike recently although he has been messaging me about fitness advice, bless him, he knows I love gym guys and is trying. He also messaged me today about how it’s a shame I’m busy this weekend and how much he likes a) my company and b) having sex with me 🙈 - we are clearly having completely different experiences of the same thing. I have NO idea what the least hurtful way to say this will eventually be

Mr Local wants to see me again. He is 12 years younger than me, although to be honest we don’t look at all age-gappy. On his profile he made it clear he is looking for a FWB really rather than a relationship, having not been single for a long time. Which makes the age gap less important really. But on the date he was a gent, insisted on paying for all the drinks, and was quite endearingly shy about asking to see me again. And not grabby at all, but we did have a snog in the car park and my God he is an amazing kisser. So we will see how it goes!

Good luck to all with dates this weekend and Happy Anniversary @SortingItOut xxx

Hi, wondering if there is room for me. Am thinking of heading back into dating after ending a 14 month relationship that broke at least 3 of your rules. I think I was trying to “save” him and forgot my boundaries!
I feel so much lighter now we’ve split up and I really want to try dating again. Normally I’d have said I have decent boundaries but maybe I’d better write them on my fridge before I get started to remind me not to cross them again.

Tinder or Bumble???

@home42 welcome. I have used both and see some of the same men on both of the apps. I had more matches on Tinder but still had plenty on Bumble. No preference from me and when I get back to dating I will probably use both just to maximise my chances.

@UtterSocks

Mr Charity awol ... twat

Mr Beautiful was just so vague and useless and was just hinting I drove an hour to his at 8 tonight so I blew him off by saying get your shot together and plan a proper date

I'm chatting to Mr Reserved (he's got his son this weekend) and a new iron that lives hours away but is very funny

I wish Mr Planner would get his shit together

@Home42

I agree with dancer have a go on both and see what you prefer/mix it up a bit. I’ve had good dates and weirdos from both! You’ll see the same faces often. Everyone’s experience is slightly different and also has some common themes

My opinion is most guys go by the photos, so (even if it feels shallow) try and get some good selfie action in when you’re feeling cute.

Second lockdown possibility so glad I got lots of “out-out” dating out of the way!

Getting cute new winter gear for all those outdoor walks now - I’m quite enjoying not being on the apps but if things don’t work out with MrCountry on his return I’ll make myself get out there so I’ll need to look hot whilst walking around in rain and snow

Had a date tonight. I’ll name him Mr Nicebutdull. He is tiny! However height isn’t a deal breaker for me I was just surprised at how small he is. Unfortunately he is dull. His texts have been very well thought out and he has made an effort to ask questions and be interested in me, he is polite and considerate and so, so dull.

@WanderingLost167
Fab encourages a social to meet people with no expectation of sex so definitely go for coffee or a drink first to make sure you like them.

Exclusivity is unusual on Fab, rarely does anyone ask for exclusivity.

Also remember that most men on there are married or in relationships, some women are fine with that but if you arent then make sure you do your homework on these guys first (some clues are not able to meet at their home/only hotel meets/only weekday meets)

Good luck

Thanks Bunked and Dancer. I’ll try and go a bit David Bailey this weekend and get a few nice photos. Almost all of my normal selfies have a kid or a dog in!

Had a lovely thoughtful text from Mr Nicebutdull, I feel so bad sending him a thanks but no spark text back.
Home42 I have found it really hard to get selfies. In the end I gave the phone to my 11 yo and told him to practice his portrait photography. He really embraced the project and I have some more photos of me

@Wasail aww I feel sorry for Mr Nicebutdull lol.

I have been feeling very dull during lockdown tbh. working from home constantly and further local restrictions mean no visitors indoors and I'm stuck indoors when dd is in bed. I feel like I have zero to talk about, not even silly stories about what happened at work!

I'm still seeing Mr Big, who is working all hours god sends. Any tips on keeping busy etc? I have hobbies and things I can watch on tv etc but just dont seem to have the oomph to do them. would rather be snuggled up with him watching them 😩.

Ok, I'm on my way to a really impromptu date, new match, I'm calling him Mr Nice shoes .... I'm being mad as I'm an on a train to Glasgow but it's sunny and he said he'd take me to some nice gin bars and I've got nothing better to do.
I could have driven waaaaay quicker but then there's no gin

@cravingthelook

Ooh, BeGin?

Just exchanged a few flirty messages with MrCountry - trying still to “pace things” as I don’t want to get caught up in intense “fifty messages a day” kind of contact.

Plus I do fancy him but also don’t want to get into sexting - so I’m responding when he’s instigating mainly.

I’ve found in the past I’m “trying to be too sexy and cool girl” (When basically I’m a reasonably attractive geek at heart) and then I end up resenting the bloke and the situation down the line.

Hi everyone
After many years of being single, I have decided to try online dating.

One thing I am finding is that you can exchange a fair few messages with someone, talk about a variety of stuff, and then they just go quiet. Is that a common experience?

I suffer from quite low self-confidence and am also a bit of a dreamer / romantic, so I am having to work very hard to (a) not feel bad about myself and (b) not get carried away.

@thisoneday welcome. Unfortunately it is a very common occurrence which is why it forms part of the rules. I have had people disappear mid conversation, it is very much them and nothing to do with you.

I think this is another reason why you shouldn’t send too many messages or embark on big intense texting tennis with men who clearly have nothing to do all day.

Don’t invest too much!

Thank you both, you are totally right. I am so new at this! But this thread looks super useful, I am going back to read some old ones.

I have a couple of "irons" (using the lingo already) that I would like to meet for a date, so I may just ask them. I am too old for endless messaging with some man who I may not even fancy when I meet him.

Date was funny, nice respectful guy, great day out drinking- zero attraction but once we'd had a chat, we actually had a great time and both said if every date that didn't work out was as good as that dating would be great.

I've chatted to four irons now since posting my profile this week. One lives in a hut so he's out of the picture despite being very handsome, one is dull, one is local and potentially interesting and the one I like the most lives two bloody hours away and has just revealed that he doesn't drink 😐 This is going to be hard work...

@WeWantTheFinestWines
What's wrong with someone living in a hut?

Unless its just a shack

I met a man who lived in a shepherds hut, i love that lifestyle so didnt mind