to be devastated I'm being called names...as an adult!

[mollysmysteries]

First time poster...long time lurker so please be gentle.

So the backstory is that I have been with my partner for 4 years and we are currently TTC after losing last year (late miscarriage). We live in partners hometown- We are both 29.

In the past two years, I have gone from 10 stone 9 to 12 stone 10- I'm 5ft5. I was a size 12/14 and now I'm closer to a 16. The weight gain has come from mainly my role becoming a WFH home role (before covid) and not exercising enough in the beginning. I have tried everything to lose weight, slimming world/ weight watchers, joint a virtual gym and was recently diagnosed with PCOS/Insulin Resistance through blood tests/scans. I'm now on Metformin and low carbing, exercising and I'm beginning to lose weight :)

The problem is DP's friends...and DP. Around June time I was sat in our living room, when messages from his chat came up through the games console on our tv (facebook). It was messages from DP's friends essentially making jokes about me..saying about him being busy this weekend with 'trotters' and likening me to a whale- harpooned came in there!. I was devastated and cried to DP, who apologised and said he would have a word with them. This is a group of 30 year old (some married men) and although I see them socially sometimes, DP sees them more.

Fast forward to this month, and DP leaves the laptop on the table as we are both WFH. He went out to make a call, and as I was on an important meeting i went over to silence his laptop as it was beeping incessantly. Once again, the same group chat, I very stupidly had a little scroll not very far up, and again there was comments about me, and a meme of a fat woman suffocating a skinny bloke. DP is slender.

This time, I confronted DP and he was furious- calling me a snoop, saying that it's just banter aimed at him, not me, and it's private and that he's told them once but its not his responsibility what other people do!. He then stormed off to his mums- who told him I was being ridiculous and ''should use it as an incentive'''!

I just feel so low and devastated. I'm trying so hard, and feel like I'm in a relationship with someone who wont even defend me! I've always liked DP's mum too, and although her comment was harsh, I don't know if she meant it harshly. Should i LTB? I've spoken to my family and they're furious, but are close-knit and protective anyways..

Any advice would be appreciated. We are okay now, and DP has apologised again, but I still feel slightly weird around him. Sorry for the long post!

[ClementineWoolysocks]

@ArthurBloom

Myself and my friends are VERY brutal about each others partners, and I can tell you it really is never personal, I like my best friends partner but I constantly harp on her.
Has always been and will always be our humour, If he treats you right and it's with him and his mates I don't see an issue.

What do you mean by harp on her? I bet you're one of those people who think they're 'hilarious' every time their humour puts someone else down.
A partner is not treating anyone right if he lets his friends make derogatory comments about them.

[chatterbugmegastar]

What a disgusting partner you had, what vile friends he has and as for his mum - vile woman

[Fleamaker123]

@ArthurBloom
^Has always been and will always be our humour^

It's not 'our' humour.. the OP isn't joining in and laughing. It's upsetting her.

[MilerVino]

Myself and my friends are VERY brutal about each others partners, and I can tell you it really is never personal, I like my best friends partner but I constantly harp on her.

You can just about get away with pulling pigtails when you're 11 years old. You really should stop after that.

[katy1213]

Don't start a family with someone as immature as this. He wants to 'live up to them?' That is setting the bar exceedingly low! Kindness aside, I can't imagine being with someone whose intelligence is so limited that he would seek the company of friends like these. Walk away. Perhaps in time he'll grow up and realise what he's lost - but I wouldn't hang around waiting for that to happen.

[Starksforthewin]

If any of my DPs friends were critical or made fun of me, in any way whatsoever, he would not tolerate it and they would be ex friends!
He would be so affronted their feet wouldn’t touch the ground!

That is what you should expect from your life partner, not allowing you to me the joke of the group and subject to behind your back abuse.

I hate that fucking word ‘banter’ and would actively avoid anyone who thought it was a good thing. It invariably means brainless jokes or cruelty in disguise.

[Italiangreyhound]

Well done OP I hope you meet someone worthy of you.