Online dating in your 50's

[Fiftyandmore]

I've seen (but not read!) the thread about online dating in your 40's, and wondered if anyone would be interested in a similar thread for online dating in your 50's?

I'm 55 and giving this a go for the first time. I have to be honest and say it's soul destroying! I seem to get a lot of likes but not many result in conversation, let alone dates! And some of the conversations are just "hi" or "you ok?".

I've also found that I barely see anyone I'm attracted to. On the rare (very rare) occasions that I do, it's not reciprocated.

Anyone else in their 50's happy to share their OLD experiences? :)

@Daftapath do I really?! That's one of the things I most like to hear (doesn't happen often)! The amusing exchanges are just the best even if they don't lead anywhere. I've been chatting to one man for a couple of months and there's no likelihood of ever meeting. But his messages are among the ones I look forward to the most. We speak utter nonsense and have built up a whole ridiculous back story and it really cheers me up!

@Techway they're dire aren't they? I'd like to be one of those people who viewed Sunday evenings as the ultimate wind-down relaxing times of the week before gearing up again for Monday. But I'm not.

And like you say, weekends are necessarily quiet at the minute so they do tend to drag a bit.

Sunday afternoons are the pits. I did my tax return 😱.

Two years ago I dated a man I called Mr Mad because he was hot and completely bonkers, brilliant messaging from the first and incredible in bed. We had so much fun together, but he couldn’t have a real relationship (serial cheater). We still message and he always makes me laugh, with either political or filthy memes, or sometimes both. He’s much funnier than my current partner, who I would admit is towards the boring end of the spectrum. Will it last? I don’t know, I feel much more empowered and loved with him than I ever have done, but much less entertained I suppose.

Gah, it doesn’t get any easier, life.

@Fiftyandmore yes, indeed you do!

I think last week felt hard work with little adult interaction (I don't count ds even though he is officially an adult!). This week I have made plans to meet a few friends for walks and a trip out on Tuesday for my second vaccine trial appointment! That will be the highlight of my week

@TiggerDatter a huge well done for clearing the garden and the hidden monstrosities behind the bushes.
I cant link well on this phone but I want to agree with the person who couldnt carry on with a man who couldnt express his emotions. I had this too with my ex. Recently I told him that he never complimented me, never said he missed me, never expressed his feeling for me and then was "gutted" when I dumped him. Too late. Grow some emotional backbone. He didnt have Aspergers. He is just emotionally poor.
Anyway...walk 3 with the Fab man tomorrow. No idea what this is or will be. Ill just turn up and see what happens. Very few texts between other than to confirm.
Im messaging a man who is like Liberace including the sequined coat..Im joining in with the ridiculousness of it all and enjoying the photos of his scarf collection and what looks like a very expensive shoe. We had a 40min convo about perfume the other night. We are not suited at all but we seem to get along quite well in a silly way.

@LilOldMe

I asked a psychologist about why younger men fancy older women (particularly online) once.

She said it’s to do with your social status or “market value”. Men’s value, when they’re young, is lower. They don’t have money or power or a thriving career and so their status is average.

Women’s value, in contrast, when they’re younger is HIGH. They have fertility and youth and beauty. (Perceived as high-value in dating.)

As women age, they lose value. As men age and acquire things, they gain value. So older men feel they “deserve” women of the same value as them (younger). Whereas younger, lower-status men feel comfortable with older women who have a value similar to themselves.

It’s why older men who get successful will ditch their older wives and trade up to a younger wife.

The way I’ve written it here sounds like I’m devaluing us! (I’m nearly 50.) But the psychologist didn’t mean it badly. She said it’s just human nature to date the same value as yourself.

Nah

They're hoping the older woman will be grateful, and have sex with them, and generally be grateful in bed.

I think that translates to doing everything and lots of blow jobs

Hello all - It's Monday morning again and I agree - life is slowly shrinking ... I too used to love Sunday afternoon/evenings in a nice relaxing Antiquey-Roadshow and toast kind of way - now I get the dreads for the week ahead, something I haven't had for a long time. I am very rural fiftyandmore and have lived in my village for years so I know everyone and wfh shrinks your life even more. I have such a routine now and it's comforting and horrifying both at the same time! Had some messages yesterday from the site I'm on (OurTime France). One was a bit weird and said he though my picture looked sad (it doesn't) and I said that I wasn't sad and he replied to put another one up NOW!! You see I don't know if that is a nuance of French that I'm not getting but he sent an angry emoji with it, so I suppose not. Another one I really like but he lives up in Normandy and I'm down here in the Dordogne - so at least 6 hours drive on a good day. It's not really even worth starting to talk as it would be impossible ... Gearing myself up to start work .. have a good day everyone xx

@Frenchlady14 I think I would be a bit bemused by that order too! Nuance is bad enough to read sometimes when we speak the same language, let alone when it isn't your first language that you are messaging in! Do you get the feeling that it is accepted that matches will travel a fair way to meet in France or is it the same as here and each have their own opinions on it?

@Fiftyandmore really enjoying this thread will you start a new one at some point? This one is nearly full.

@Daftapath does your Distance is in the Mind man live in Exeter, by any chance? Sounds so familiar.

Douglas Adams got it right about Sunday afternoons...

[quote WeWantTheFinestWines]@Daftapath does your Distance is in the Mind man live in Exeter, by any chance? Sounds so familiar.[/quote]
No. He lives in Dorset and has a flat in Kent where he spends the week. Maybe he has a brother! 

@TiggerDatter that is so true. The 4pm onwards of a Sunday evening. Especially in winter!

liloldme
The whole rubbish that the psychologist said about women losing value and men gaining value with age is the same sexist , mysogynistic crap that society has been feeding women as they get older and find their voices for centuries in order to deem power them and keep them in their place
Having studies psychology myself I’m shocked she did t have some more balanced advice to offer . It would be interesting to know when and where her training was completed
Whether the psychologist ‘said or meant it ‘ in a kind or horrible way I would have advised her to go back to her studies and perhaps pick up some units in women’s studies and gender politics .
The reason this so often makes sense to women is because we are trained to believe we are losing value ... constantly told how our wrinkles are wrong how we should strive for youthful looks and many women and yes men buy into this societal conditioning
The reality is that people male or females do not lose value with age ... but there sure are a lot of benefits to society to excluding them especially historically

Feeling really rubbish today. Ex-BF posted his first FB update since he dumped me three months ago. "In a relationship" with beautiful blonde smiley woman, very happy. He really has done nothing wrong. Didn't lead me on, didn't leave me hanging, went NC after he ended it (which was hard, but anything else would have given me hope), and I knew it was only a matter of time. Still hurts though. But hopefully I can now put it all behind me and stop having a tiny bit of hope there might be a future for us (I knew there wasn't). Unfriended on FB, no good can come of anything else. And I do wish him well, he's a lovely kind person and he can't help not falling in love with me. Damn it hurts though.

I'm sorry @WeWantTheFinestWines, I know just how you're feeling. It does hurt and there's not really anything I can say that will help. You do right to go no contact though, and it will hurt a little bit less as time moves on. I'm doing a bit of "this time two years ago ..." myself today in relationship to the man I saw after dh died. It's horrible and I hate it and I'm trying to distract myself. We'll get there eventually!

@TiggerDatter I love that description, it's spot on!

@Daftapath I hadn't realised we were so close to being full up! I'm very pleased that we've made it this far, and I hope we can all carry on sharing our experiences. I'll start a new one now :)

I've made one :). It's very imaginatively called "Online dating in your 50's - Mark 2".

I don't know how to link I'm sorry.

Link here Hope this works