Online dating in your 50's

[Fiftyandmore]

I've seen (but not read!) the thread about online dating in your 40's, and wondered if anyone would be interested in a similar thread for online dating in your 50's?

I'm 55 and giving this a go for the first time. I have to be honest and say it's soul destroying! I seem to get a lot of likes but not many result in conversation, let alone dates! And some of the conversations are just "hi" or "you ok?".

I've also found that I barely see anyone I'm attracted to. On the rare (very rare) occasions that I do, it's not reciprocated.

Anyone else in their 50's happy to share their OLD experiences? :)

Happy birthday @Fiftyandmore !
Sorry to have missed joining you on the gin/baileys last night!

So yesterday wasn't too bad in the old dating stakes for me. Went out for my usual 8 mile walk along the river and had two phone chats/dates along the way! One with Mr Gatwick who continues to be lovely and entertaining, if very busy at work and still a way away but has said that he will carve out time in his day to chat with me. The other I will call Mr Biscuits who lives on the other side of the river from me. I actually walked past his place and thankfully he had meetings all day so he couldn't pop out to say hello - wasn't looking my best! We may try to meet for a walk at the end of the week. He was very amusing when we started messaging and easy to talk to on the phone. I suspect it will turn out that our kids either know each other or have friends in common as we have two the same age!

My walking date in Green Park went well last weekend, if a little damp in the rain! We have another planned this weekend. He is chatty and personable, good sense of humour and seemed interested in me too. Only downside is he doesn't own a car. Whilst that is great in terms of being green and all that, it would mean me driving everywhere if we ever went away and I ended up doing that throughout my marriage and it was tedious!

Have had very few messages from the apps, apart from Mr Biscuits who 'super swiped' me (I accidentally did that with someone so could have been a mistake too! ) and the usual youngsters, apart from a guy who lives 100 or so miles away. I replied to say thankyou for his message (said something like a 'such a lovely smile') and it was a shame he was a way away. Apparently, distance is only in the mind!

I have decided that I quite like walking dates as I don't have to worry about what I wear and pauses in conversation can be filled by comments on the scenery ... or maybe by cheering someone catching a fish!!

Good morning all and thank you for all the cake 🎂 and happy birthdays :) You are all very lovely and those men and women who have not yet realised your loveliness have much to look forward to :)

Happy dating today.

@Fiftyandmore, I hope you had a great day and didn't need to work. I think no one should work on their birthdays. It would be in my manifesto is I every stood for PM

@fiftyandmore from me too, hope your day was great.
@daftapath im impressed with your walk and talk dates.
So my fab date went well. He was nice and intelligent. Not a single word was mentioned about sex and when finished walking he said he didnt want one off sexual encounters and asked if I wanted to for another walk on Fri and arranged a time. I like that level of straightforwardness. I said yes and he has text to say he is looking forward to it. I was anxious that being fab he would be pushy or a bit sleazy but no signs of that and no obvious red flags at the moment.

I have had a lovely day, thank you for asking. And for the continued good wishes.

@Techway, you'd get my vote :). I've actually had the week off work so very indulgent week for me!

@Daftapath your walking dates sound promising.

And do does your fab date @Greyandrare123. Is this shaping up to be a fwb type thing do you think?

@DustyMuse when is your birthday? Well done on blocking him, he doesn't sound like much of a loss!

@Redfox I've not tried Match so I can't help I'm sorry - hopefully you've figured it out now?

I've not really been on the sites today - it's been nice to have a break! Yesterday's no-show texted me to apologise. I'd blocked and deleted him yesterday so I'm guessing he'd used a different phone to contact me today. I've blocked him again anyway.

Terry text me when I was out earlier to say he'd dropped a little something off for me. I hadn't even realised I'd told him when my birthday was. I got home expecting some flowers maybe or chocolate, and found a large beautifully wrapped box. When I opened it, it was a pair of expensive looking wellies. He'd told me before our last date (which was meant to be a walk but which I cancelled) to bring wellies, but I'd said I didn't have any. So lovely thoughtful gift - but I googled them and they cost £90 . He sent a beautiful card also - it folds down flat but opens out into a gorgeous red maple (I think) tree. I feel really bad :(.

This is the card - picture doesn't do it justice.

@Fiftyandmore What a lovely card!

This dating malarkey would be a lot easier if we could flick on a switch and fancy the right ones.

@hotchocolatey you are so right! I don’t know if I will be pursing OLD much longer - even if you find someone appealing online, there’s so much that can go wrong if you meet in rl - poor hygiene, bad teeth etc. Outrageous opinions. When lockdown is over and we are back to something resembling normal I will take up some activities which will at least keep me entertained.

@Reeeallyoldbird, bad teeth, this is my reoccurring nightmare after the date with Mr "worst teeth in the whole world". I now obsess over photos and completely suspicious if they don't smile. I took so much at face value when I joined OLD a few months ago..now I assume nothing until I know.

@Techway omg what a nightmare! There are so many online who don’t smile. If they do smile I will at least take a second look.

I must admit I look at teeth too

@Techway I also look for jewellery, tattoos and any decor in the background!

I have had my first ghosting, I think! The guy who lives on the other side of the river from me and who I chatted with on the phone has ignored my message about meeting for a walk. He told me that he had today and tomorrow as annual leave and seemed keen to meet up. He has been online so could easily come up with an excuse. Will delete later if he doesn't respond at all. Funny how is profile said he was a 'good guy and very nice chap' or something similar!

I did also have a chat with Mr 'distance is a state of mind' as I drove home from the school run. Seems chatty, still ridiculously far away. Although, he seems to think that as he is in Kent throughout the week it could work. I shall treat it as practice and see how we go!

@Fiftyandmore what a thoughtful man Terry is! Such a shame you can't summon up some feelings for him. Are you sure you can't?

I also notice teeth but I haven't got great teeth myself. I don't have any missing but they are not as white and shiny as I would like.

I don't mind tattoos but don't like neck or face ones.

I unhid my profile on POF but got a message that was rather like a command rather than asking if I'd like to meet up after lockdown. I blocked him and I've hidden my profile again.

Hi Dustymuse from a fellow France dweller. I agree completely with what you have said about French men. Although even though I have been here for a long time, the culture is so different that I find things tend to fizzle out after first initial conversations unless there is a really strong attraction. Also, I'm quite tall and on the whole I find French men to be smaller than me. I hope I'm not making a sweeping generalisation but the good looking French men tend to be a bit arrogant, although I suppose you could say the same about all men really. I'm in rural France and it is so quiet here at the moment. I'm half-heartedly looking at my dating app and just can't see anyone that I could be interested in. I'm in my late fifties and they all seem in their 70s which is a little disheartening. I'm still bruised from my encounter with Mr Dutchman and am so wary now. It's not a good time for dating to be sure, but it's lovely to read the thread and see how everyone is doing. Happy belated birthday fiftyandmore xx

@Hotchocolatey, I am not sure this man had 1 straight tooth in his mouth so it was beyond being off-white and I couldn't look at them, let alone attempt to get up close. He is an Estate Agent, so customer facing and solvent so very surprising that he was unaware. He is a very nice man, been single since his wife died, very keen to meet someone but doesn't get 2nd dates and I am sure his teeth are the main factor.

@Daftapath, yes I do the same checks, tattoos, decor, intelligence, solvent, single , (rather than newly separated), lack of text speak, lack of anger or bitterness...the list seems reasonable yet so far impossible. I'm not asking for anything that I can't offer someone.

Decor ?
🤔

‘Decor’ as in bathroom selfies with the toilet seat up behind. Or the bedroom background with sad, unmade bed and piles of crumpled clothes .....

@Techway you have made me feel better about my teeth lol. It's a shame that chap doesn't seem to get second dates because of his teeth.

I once had a message from someone asking why I don't open my mouth when I smile in my OLD pics. It was tempting to reply "cos I ain't got no teeth" 😊

@Fiftyandmore awww Terry sounds so lovely! Could you not give him another chance? Attraction might develop

My teeth are yellow. I smile in all my photos, but with my mouth closed. There's nothing I can do about it either, other than massive dental work which I can't afford and which scares me anyway.

My list is very similar to yours Techway but I am also wary of men with no children as I feel they may be less likely to understand how you need to plan a bit more, etc. Not ready for a grandad either. And not keen on Armed Forces.

I think I need a Terry in my life. What a lovely man.

Hey can I join? I am on the other OLD thread which is great but this is an age specific one! Dying to see how normal my experiences are (get a lot of MILF hunters and a lot of men my own age look like the Crypt Keeper or Mr Potato Head). And amazing how many men still think they are total players in their 50s.

Thanks for starting the thread OP. And Happy Birthday!

Hi @UtterSocks

God. MiLF hunters.

I once got a 'like' from a boy (probably in his 20's) that said he liked milfs and cougars. Classy

With regards to decor, I think glimpses can sometimes say a lot. Black leather sofa = been a bachelor for a while. Busy carpets and sofas = either lives with his mother or is older than he says! Frilly curtains and bed spread = married? Full ashtray = heavy smoker 

@UtterSocks welcome!

So guy who lives over the river did message me eventually to say that he had met someone and wanted to see where it led and sorry. I graciously wished him well and hoped it worked out for him

I'm glad the man across the river didn't leave you hanging @Daftapath. And I agree about your conclusions with regards to decor. If I ever see a bathroom selfie I immediately assume (potentially and probably incorrectly) that the wife/partner is nearby so they've locked themselves in the bathroom to take a sneaky profile pic.

I don't mind tattoos at all, I have some myself. But perhaps I'd draw the line at tattooed faces. I've never really thought about teeth but I guess poor dental hygiene wouldn't be much of a turn on!

Hello @UtterSocks, nice to have you along and thanks for birthday wishes :). Can anyone explain what it is about the young ones going for (or trying to) the older ladies? I don't get it at all. Is is that they think we could teach them a thing or two? If my boys came home with someone of my age I have to say I wouldn't like it. But I can't imagine them doing that under any circumstances .

Terry is lovely, very kind and thoughtful and interesting but - he looks like Terry Scott!

There is no hope for me - my rl friend who gets loads of dates has been telling me tonight that she can find no interesting prospects on Elite and has no dates lined up for the weekend .

@Daftapath on POF there are quite a few younger men (20s and 30s) who have lied about their age to make them seem older because they are looking for an older woman.

I think most of them just want an experience with an older woman. Of course there are some men that think age is just a number and wouldn't mind having a relationship with an older partner.