Online dating in your 50's

[Fiftyandmore]

I've seen (but not read!) the thread about online dating in your 40's, and wondered if anyone would be interested in a similar thread for online dating in your 50's?

I'm 55 and giving this a go for the first time. I have to be honest and say it's soul destroying! I seem to get a lot of likes but not many result in conversation, let alone dates! And some of the conversations are just "hi" or "you ok?".

I've also found that I barely see anyone I'm attracted to. On the rare (very rare) occasions that I do, it's not reciprocated.

Anyone else in their 50's happy to share their OLD experiences? :)

@fiftyandmore it may be a sign of the times but Ive met so many conspiracy theorists on OLD lately. One asked me last night what the reason is why people contract cancer. I replied its not a contractable disease. He then asked what caused it to which I replied 'an abnormal replication of RNA' . I then got lecture on how big pharma are duping us all and there is a cure. Ive learned to give no air time to these people so I deleted. To know your potential date may give you a lesson on something like this and isnt actually in a job he said he was, is a good thing. You could have had a date, been fed a load of crap.
My dste today will definitely get a second run. Thank you

No I'm not flattered either - annoyed and feeling patronised! And also annoyed today by the rash of young ones claiming to be older than they are. No, I'm not into younger men, nor am I into liars! Feeling cranky tonight as you may have guessed!

Eugh. I'd bin him for the ''quite''.

It's like, be grateful I'm complimenting you but I don't want to actually compliment you. Feel grateful, not GOOD!

Or maybe I"m over analysing it, but it'd turn me off. ''quite''

No @OwlOne I'm with you all the way. Condescending arse.

"Quite" = instant binning. What a cock.
Greyandrare I'm impressed by your knowledge. What a shame it's wasted on a cock.

I'm not feeling very charitable today.

Ok I’ve done a few days on Facebook dating now. Liked no one, and the feeling appears to be mutual ! So, no different to many of the other sites I went about 2 months on PoF once without so much as. profile view. I’m a 50 year old that resembles a dad, so think that explains why ! Though I maintain I don’t look much older than 49. And if I shave I could pass for at least 48. Also never sharing a mini bus or a pub with you all after all that dirty dancing talk 😉

I had a long standing plan for a date on Sat. midday that had suffered from logistical problems in the first place. Comms had been quiet on that one and predictably that was cancelled at 11.59 am. I hadn’t travelled as I was certain the flakiness was strong in this one. I don’t do multi dating so in a way relieved that I am now free to pursue a FB match ... wait, hang on ...

Ah @HairyArsedMan I'm sorry. It's so frustrating. Don't lose heart (easy for me to say I know). If people on dating sites could see the side of you that we see on this thread it'd be a different story I'm sure. Sincere, intelligent and thoughtful men seem to be few and far between.

We all like a compliment I expect, but I'm so fed up of the one liners that leave you with nowhere to go ( although perhaps the out-and-out compliments are preferable to the "you're quite good looking" ones, not sure). But I just would like to encounter someone with integrity, humour and sincerity.

Thanks @Fiftyandmore but I do objectively see I have limited appeal so I don’t expect too much.

Compliments are great if they are spontaneous and about some lovely element of you that someone else spots in person in the moment.

Sorry HairyArsedMan. As Fiftyandmore said, you come across as thoughtful and intelligent here, but OLD is harsh. All we have to judge people on is a quick visual and a scan of a few words, if there are any. Some of us are growers. But what else is there? So we carry on...

@WeWantTheFinestWines I so agree - OLD is harsh and can really dent your self confidence but most people's options to meet someone are limited. Mine certainly are, even pre lockdown. My job affords no opportunities, and neither does my lifestyle generally. I'm not enjoying OLD but if I want to avoid loneliness I think it's the best way forward for me.

My friend has told me a bit more about her date with the man I've been chatting to. Towards the end of their date he told her that he had dropped some things into their conversation as a test! I really want to go in an interview, er I mean date, with him now to see if a) I too get tested and b) to see if I pass!

What about conqyuering fear of being alone?
Think that is where im at now.
I cant tell if it is working and if its sensible cos i feel fine, or if im avoidant and its a defence mechanism

It's no big deal @WeWantTheFinestWines, I'm also dishing it out in failing to react positively to all the profiles. I cannot complain.

I've reluctantly returned to Match today ... it's mostly the same old faces (including mine) but I like that you can search on there as I am not a fan of swiping.

@OwlOne

What about conqyuering fear of being alone? Think that is where im at now. I cant tell if it is working and if its sensible cos i feel fine, or if im avoidant and its a defence mechanism

I'm glad it's working for you @OwlOne, and I hope you work out whether it's the right way forward for you. I've always said that I'd be happy alone as I love my own company, but saying that when you have a dh and 4 dc is one thing, saying it when your dh has died and your dc have left home is quite another! As it is, my dc are all at home for now but will leave as soon as they are able, and I think when that happens, I will quickly find being alone turns into being lonely.

Having said that, I don't think I want to get married again or even to live with anyone again. My ideal set-up would be to spend weekends, holidays and occasions with someone, but then for us both to keep our own homes and to retreat to them when we want to!

Good luck on Match @HairyArsedMan. I haven't tried that one so will be interested to hear your views. I like the idea of searching not swiping,

I know, i wish i could figure it out!
I am happy, i am done with OLD. I still cant stay away from the dating threads though so that tells me something. Not sure it's something useful but ill listen to messages from my subconscious. I have teens, it would be so unimaginable having a man in the house. And they dont love it when i go out after working all day. Pre covid.

@OwlOne I do know what you mean about being done with OLD. I'm forever saying "right that's it, I've had enough of this shit!" But then I get bored and give it another go. Maybe you just need a bit of time off. And maybe once lockdown is over more people will sign up to it so there'll be a bigger pool.

Of course you must prioritise your dc but I would just say that you too are allowed a life, particularly as they (presumably) will be off living their lives before too many years have passed. Having said that, all 4 of mine are still at home and 3 of them are in their 20's!

I felt a bit bruised and battered after my last 'run' on OLD, although it was gradual as I was doing it for about four years. I was noticing red flags but if there were red flags that weren't so obvious until you had dated a month or so, then I wasn't good at spotting those until it was too late.

I want to be that person who meets somebody in real life!! How crazy is that. I'll manifest it. :-p Universe, bring it in.

The weird thing is, I feel happier when I don't OLD so I can nearly visualise it happening at some point in my future. I'm not in a hurry.

I hope nobody minds me hovering on these threads though.

@OwlOne I'm sorry it left you feeling that way. If nothing else, maybe you learnt something about yourself? Can you get the universe to rustle up someone for me in rl too please?! And, god no, of course nobody minds (I'm presuming to speak for everyone - sorry everyone!) you hovering! I love this thread, I get a lot out of it and I hope everyone else does too :).

I love this thread - and would welcome anyone; dads as well as mums, those without children, and those who aren't even dating.

I'm in an awkward domestic situation - 3 years+ of sharing house with ex-ex DP and father of DC. So I can't see clearly what I want, as part of me just wants to be on my own once in a while and part of me really wants to be with someone. But I don't know how much is escaping from something, and how much is running towards something... doesn't really matter as nobody appeals to me anyway. I can't even get on to FB dating - it keeps telling me there's a technical problem and then that I've set up too many profiles. Can't imagine I'm missing much though. A bit of intellectual conversation over wine would be great; around here I'm more likely to find a Trump-loving racist who's just caught a big fish.

WeWantTheFinestWines - oh yes, why on earth do around half the men think women want to see them holding a big fish a bit like Putin! Seriously the amount of times I’ve seen that and just noped to the left! Along with near naked poses, straddle a motorbike etc .

Thanks fiftyandmore!

The big fish photo is not attractive no! You have reminded me of the strangest profile i saw, a man in a bare chest with a rifle. There wasnt a hunting shooting fishing vibe off the photo either! Wannabe terrorist vibe. So disturbing!

Morning all;
Not much going on here. Well nothing at all.
Scientist has shown his colours. It doesnt take long. He has been consistent in his comms if a bit peacocky and not asking genuine questions. So my crime? Suggesting a call on Sat. Bearing in mind he had been calling me every day. After my suggestion...silence then he messages Sun with a family issue/says he goes quiet when worried etc. Could all be true but he did manage to change his Tinder pics and update his profile during his family emergency. Ive left him to it.

Meeting a fab man tomorrow. Comms has been consistent, steady and funny. I know he will turn up.

Date from Sun wants to arrange a walk so will do that.

Got chatting to seeingly nice man who told me covid doesnt exist. When I said it does, he said nope everyone died of flu and covid is just a control. I did offer a plausible suggestion in that people with covid had sars2cov positive blood receptors but he was having none of it. Pity as he was nice looking but even for a fwb I just want sensible.

@Greyandrare123, I know these people exist bit hearing about it is so strange. I suspect they must have underlying paranoid delusions to be triggered.

I wrote a long update and lost it! Upshot just taking myself off sites for 2 weeks. Just had too many "wanna chat" type messages so before I get completely cynical I will detox for a while and get on with RL. I still have a few contacts on whatsapp which are potential 2nd dates but not feeling very motivated. An element is lockdown fatigue so will focus on exercise and some house projects.
Still here though as love the thread.

@GaraMedouar I had a riverside walk date and my date started cheering when a nearby fisherman landed a fish. It must work for some women ! Anyway, I think if you like fishing then it's best to stick it on your profile - best to be upfront about what you like to do.

I suppose holding up the fish as a trophy is a bit weird; I do a sport competitively but haven't got any profile pics holding up trophies (stealth boast ) nor do I speak of any success in the sport in my blurb. I do it for enjoyment as Olympic qualification has passed me by now .

Haha. I suppose it weeds them out for me. I have a pic of me doing my hobby (I play in an orchestra) so hoping that I may attract a likeminded classical musician.