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Relationships

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Original poster

Online dating in your 50's

990 replies

Fiftyandmore · 13/09/2020 22:08

I've seen (but not read!) the thread about online dating in your 40's, and wondered if anyone would be interested in a similar thread for online dating in your 50's?

I'm 55 and giving this a go for the first time. I have to be honest and say it's soul destroying! I seem to get a lot of likes but not many result in conversation, let alone dates! And some of the conversations are just "hi" or "you ok?".

I've also found that I barely see anyone I'm attracted to. On the rare (very rare) occasions that I do, it's not reciprocated.

Anyone else in their 50's happy to share their OLD experiences? :)

OP posts:

hotchocolatey · 21/09/2020 21:13

I was on a dating app today and saw the weirdest profile pic. It was basically a photo of a piece of beige carpet. Had to share lol.

Daftapath · 22/09/2020 08:24

I have seen some very weird and funny ones too! I think some sites insist on filling all the photo slots so some people add random pics!

So, I had a date yesterday! Started chatting to a guy first thing and we realised that he lived a couple of roads away so we met for coffee an hour later! Bumped into friends and it turns out that he lives opposite them so that out the kibosh on keeping it quiet!
Anyway, he was very nice (lovely French accent!) and we are going to meet for a walk later in the week.

MulticolourMophead · 22/09/2020 11:13

Fingers cross for you x

marriednotdead · 23/09/2020 15:13

Me again. I'm usually 'sure' on the first date and have consequently picked some real dipsticks in my time...

In the run up to meeting DP, I'd had a FWB for a few months, someone I'd flirted with when I was much younger and then bumped into randomly. Worked well and was having a great time but missed the intimacy that goes with emotional connection, which is what prompted me to start OLD.

If the stars align for you to have both a FWB and OLD, I'd recommend it as one distracts you from taking the other too seriously!

With DP I wasn't sure at all until after we'd met up twice. Although we got along well, I honestly thought we may end up as just friends. A day or so later, something clicked in my head and the FWB was hastily written out. He still pops up every year to check if I'm ok/free again

WeWantTheFinestWines · 24/09/2020 21:16

marriednotdead why did you not realise until after a couple of dates that DP was the one for you? I had a first date last night with someone who is funny, interesting, intelligent, solvent, successful, and really into me. He's keen to meet again and I probably will (although he is two hours away) but I'm not as excited as I think I should be. I just don't think I fancy him, despite a quite nice car park kiss. Could date two be the clincher...?

marriednotdead · 25/09/2020 14:30

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Date one was just a 'meet and greet' in a park for an hour, he was busy doing sports and had slotted me in! Pleasant chat but no obvious spark.

Second time was a spur of the moment thing, we were texting and he said he was going to a car boot fair. I love them and hadn't been in years so I asked to tag along. He was very casually dressed (think sweat shorts and unflattering T-shirt!) but we were comfortable in each other's company and as it was crowded, he held my hand and then didn't let go. A while later, a stall holder with banter referred to me as 'your missus' and he didn't correct him.
I went home, realised I wanted to give him a chance, and tidied up my loose ends

By the time we met again a fortnight later, we were both anticipating it like excited kids, went on a date that lasted from midday until 1am and were both smitten.
He still sometimes has dubious dress sense (and won't be told!) but he turned up that day looking hot and can pull it out of the bag often enough for me to forgive the days when he's wearing neon shorts and a clashing T-shirt

@WeWantTheFinestWines I'd give your date a second chance before writing him off completely. He sounds as if he ticks a fair few boxes.

TiggerDatter · 25/09/2020 14:45

I started OLD in early 2018, when i was 54, three years after i called time on a 30 year marriage and 10 years into a sexless existence. I took it step by step - first got used to writing a profile, taking pictures, messaging. Got kind of tricked into sexting, and found i enjoyed it. Then decided i wanted to see if i could still have actual sex. On Match i found a man who was refreshingly open and i told him i needed help getting back on the horse. He was great! The best kisser ever. I not only broke the dry run, i found i enjoyed sex waaayyyy more than i had for years, and this has continued (though not with him).

There have been lots of weirdos along the way, who make funny stories for my friends and useful lessons for myself. i realise i'm still far more vulnerable than i like and i've become pretty cynical about the motivations of men. But i now have a DP and a couple of friends/backups from OLD. It's not perfect or at all conventional, but for me OLD has dragged me out of the terrible rut i was in and opened up a new way of living and being genuinely me.

WeWantTheFinestWines · 25/09/2020 16:32

What a lovely story marriednotdead! I can't imagine my date ever looking hot ever - he's just nice, you know? But who wants nice? I want hot!!!

Feelingfree · 26/09/2020 08:40

Having signed up again last week I have been chatting to a couple of men and am due to meet one today. It’s my first date in 30 odd years. I was with ex 30 years so it seems a bit strange. I’m not feeling nervous, yet ! Will let you know how it goes.

Daftapath · 26/09/2020 10:09

Good luck @Feelingfree!

hotchocolatey · 26/09/2020 10:15

I've been ghosted by two guys I've been chatting to. Feeling disappointed.

Anyway, it's the weekend. Hope everyone has a good one.

crimsonlake · 26/09/2020 11:13

I have continued to spend the week deleting messages before reading them, it is that bad.

Feelingfree · 26/09/2020 16:50

Well I find myself in the same boat as @Fiftyandmore, had a very nice date. He was nice and genuine but no spark. He wants to meet again so I might have to take my own advice and go for another.

@Fifty@more - did you go for a second date?

Original poster

Fiftyandmore · 26/09/2020 22:26

Hello everyone. Thank you for sharing experiences, good and bad. I feel a bit demotivated tonight - been on a date and same old story. That is, a lovely man (he bought me flowers) but ... Sounds very similar to Wewant's date. Nice, solvent, keen, but I felt no attraction at all. I have another date tomorrow and already know it'll be the same. I'm trying not to go in with that attitude but sometimes you can just tell I think.

The date I went on last Saturday was the dad of one of dd's friends and dd has sort of talked me into seeing him again so we're going out on Wednesday night. But I'd put money (if I had any!) on it being the same outcome!

OP posts:

Original poster

Fiftyandmore · 26/09/2020 22:26

Just saw your post Feelingfree - sounds like we went on the same date!

OP posts:

Original poster

Fiftyandmore · 26/09/2020 22:28

I'm sorry the men you were chatting to disappeared hotchocolatey. Were you keen on either of them?

OP posts:

hotchocolatey · 27/09/2020 08:57

@Fiftyandmore thanks - yes they seemed to tick the boxes but it was just chatting online.

I've been there with going on no spark dates but it sounds like you are getting quite a few dates which is positive. It's all down to luck.

Traveller2020 · 27/09/2020 14:50

Haven't rtft....got up to Meruems post on 2nd page.
Agree with everything Meruem wrote. I'm not looking for a relationship, more a FWB but am struggling to find a decent FWB so no chance of meeting a man for a more traditional relationship, lol

Original poster

Fiftyandmore · 27/09/2020 18:23

Another date today. It started off well, he looked better than his pictures and was funny, articulate, intelligent. Didn't feel any attraction but thought I'd give it another date just to be sure. I still will - but when he stood up he was about my height (and looked as if he'd weigh less than me 😯).

Maybe I'm expecting too much and should be ok with kind, intelligent, solvent, respectful etc. I just don't know any more :(.

Any updated from anyone else?

OP posts:

WeWantTheFinestWines · 27/09/2020 20:47

Argh fiftyandmore I too had a second date today with someone I really wanted to fancy and thought I might if I spent more time with him. Beautiful location, he cooked a lovely lunch, we watched the sailboats and yachts from his garden, went for a walk in the stunning surroundings, he made me laugh... but nothing. Did not fancy him at all. So I told him and went home and that was that.

Feelingfree · 27/09/2020 23:17

I have agreed to go on a second date next Friday. He is being very keen with the messaging, a bit too keen really. I’ll probably be writing the same post as above after. 😔

@WeWantTheFinestWines - I admire your honesty to tell him face to face.

WeWantTheFinestWines · 28/09/2020 07:11

FeelingFre I had to, to stop him kissing me all the time! We had the car park kiss after first date so he wanted to carry on. So I told him I wasn't over my ex, which is true, but not the reason. Easier than saying I was beginning to find him a bit repulsive...

Good luck on Friday 😊

Daftapath · 28/09/2020 07:43

Eww, not reading the signals and being too full on, too quickly. Definitely gives you the ick.

Well, the local guy who I met for coffee twice last week, hasn't been back in touch yet. We last messaged Friday night. He said he was bad a texting (and I told him that I am not a chaser) but I figure, if you are keen, you message. I have messaged first most times but he has initiated the meet-ups during conversations.

It's a shame. He would have been so handy!

Feelingfree · 28/09/2020 18:47

Well I’ve changed my mind and cancelled the date. I just wasn’t feeling it and was not looking forward to it.

I’m sorry @Fiftyandmore for encouraging you to go on a second date. As I drove away from my date I felt a bit flat. I really want to feel some sort of spark / attraction / excitement etc , anything really just not nothing. Perhaps we should trust our gut instinct more.

crimsonlake · 28/09/2020 19:41

I just want to know how you are all managing to find dates???
I do get messages, three today so far but as usual no one that I am in the least bit attracted to in the slightest.
Do some of you meet up even though you do not find them in the least bit attractive in photographs?

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