Online dating in your 50's

[Fiftyandmore]

I've seen (but not read!) the thread about online dating in your 40's, and wondered if anyone would be interested in a similar thread for online dating in your 50's?

I'm 55 and giving this a go for the first time. I have to be honest and say it's soul destroying! I seem to get a lot of likes but not many result in conversation, let alone dates! And some of the conversations are just "hi" or "you ok?".

I've also found that I barely see anyone I'm attracted to. On the rare (very rare) occasions that I do, it's not reciprocated.

Anyone else in their 50's happy to share their OLD experiences? :)

@frenchlady14, your friend is probably spot on. Too much, too soon.

I am chatting with 2 men and have spoken to them, one we have a surprising amount in common but I think attraction will be an issue. I am happy to meet though as won't invest more than the time it takes to have a coffee. I think he could be a friend.
The 2nd has mixed photos (ok and not so good, but no fish or booze😀) but he was interesting when we spoke. I know to keep my hopes realistic, easy to say hard to do!

Generally all the men have been slightly better than their photos. There was one who was much, much more attractive in real life but he was flaky as I think must have been inundated with women. He was the rare diamond.

I am now harsher and delete quite a few that message but I can see why men treat it as a revolving door because it encourages that mindset.

Techway 'men treating old as a revolving door...' and when you look at the state of lots of them?? They think we should be grateful for the attention when they do not appear to look after themselves and make no effort to take good, clear photographs.
Frenchlady, even when the pool of men is larger it is not easy, as I have said the majority of men over 50 have gone to pot. But I do understand it must be especially difficult for you.

I absolutely despair at the quality of men in my south coast county - I check Tinder a few times a day and all I do is swipe left, swipe left, swipe left... I probably don't even swipe right once a day; it's abysmal. They are miserable or bitter or covered in tattoos or illiterate or obese or toothless or posing with cars, motorbikes or fish. Or write "just ask". Why would I? Give me a reason to want to ask ffs!

Not enjoying OLD today. It makes me feel ancient and past it, when in reality I'm a 54 year-old confident, positive, fit, intelligent mother of two young boys. There is so much wit and emotional intelligence on this site, fantastic women having to wade through a pool of undesirables. We deserve better.

@crimsonlake George Roper was a long time ago! I've only been on three dates so not many. I don't have any more lined up either.

@Frenchlady14 I think your friend is right. Well done on blocking and deleting. I wish people would just be honest - I didn't realise quite how many people aren't! I know that makes me sound naive but, like a lot of us, I've had very little experience of dating in the last 30 years and I measure people (or at least I did) by my own standards.

@Techway - promising that you have two potentials. I hope something comes of it for you.

@WeWantTheFinestWines I couldn't agree more with your post. I'm not enjoying it at all at the minute. Up until this week I was getting quite a lot of likes a day, and a fairly steady number of messages. Everything seems to have ground to a halt now, and even the dire offerings out there aren't interested! I feel slightly panicky and as if I'm staring down the barrel of an empty future :(. I keep reminding myself how lucky I am in my life (and I really am) but the long and the short of it is that I don't want to be on my own forever more. Other than OLD I don't know how else to sort that.

I wish we could all meet and have this discussion in person and on a regular basis!

Fiftyandmore I often think how great it would be if we could all meet over a bottle of wine and share war stories and tell each other how great we are

I think this thread is great. If only we could all meet up and share stories.

I'm now giving Tinder a go. I've had a few messages but no dates lined up. A lot of men in their 50s on dating sites look really old to me although I'm no super model.

Maybe one day, when Covid is a thing of the past (and that day will come - eventually) we can plan a meet-up. I guess that this latest wave will affect the numbers of people signing up to OLD so the pickings may be even slimmer.

I've avoided Tinder so far - I have it in my head that it's for younger people. But I think @WeWantTheFinestWines is also on there? Good luck @hotchocolatey! I know this is silly, but I feel reluctant to be on more than one site in case people spot me on them and think I'm desperate! Of course, if they do spot me on them, that means they also are on more than one site - as I said, silly!

Has anyone tried sites like Hinge or Zoosk? Are any of us here on Match? I'm on PoF because I thought it might have more members, but if it does, I think I've seen them all by now!

I did try OkCupid because someone said that it was slightly more quirky which I like. But I didn't really see any evidence of that. Well, apart from a man called Susan who liked me. The sad thing was I was trying to show Susan to my dd and I accidentally liked him back - and never heard from him! Rejected by a man called Susan with a haircut like Deirdre Barlow and a tweed skirt! Probably should've called it a day at that point shouldn't I?!

Fiftyandmore the Susan story is funny :)
I have only ever tried Match and pof, whether free or paid sites you will actually see lots of the same men pop up. I feel like stale bread, but you are correct there are plenty of men who have also been on these sites a long time. It does sometimes cross my mind that some may think nobody wants me, the truth is I am particular.
Whilst you can register on different sites, I have found you have to actually pay to respond to messages. I think I have spent enough over the years :)

I share your thoughts on tinder but also thought it was more for hooks up. I tried okcupid...think I saw Susan or her sister😀😀 Quite bizarre, it wasn't for me. I am on Match, never tried PoF. Over50s have Ourtime as well but not sure if that is more for pensioners

I was on Match - limited pickings in that age group and yes the men tend to pop up elsewhere anyway . I met my now H on POF. I also have a good friend who is now very happy with someone from POF.

I think I saw Susan's cousin on Tinder😊. Poor Susan- hope she finds the right one.

Love the Susan story 🤣

I met a lovely local man last year on pof. We dated for three months and it was my first sex since 14 years of exDP. We're still friends.

Then I met a fabulous man on Tinder who I fell completely on love with. We had a lovely year together but he ended it two months ago. I'm still not over that but being brave and back on OLD. I think the site is immaterial, a lot are on more than one site and they can make it clear in their profile whether they're looking for ONS or LTR. I'm super fussy too so may be on there for some time... Feel like time is slipping away though; I'm 54 but not ready to date a granddad!

@Frenchlady14 you have definitely done the right thing in blocking and deleting. Sorry you went through that.

I'm on Hinge. Have met someone on there and have seen him a few times. He just lives a way away so, even though we first met in June, we haven't see each other much. I find the parameters I set are not adhered to as I get loads of young men messaging and many far away. I guess I should look at it as a compliment but it's annoying! Just hope none of my son's friends are on there!

Bumble is much better at sticking with the parameters but it does get a bit tiring having to initiate all the time. I recently got a free trial on there and it definitely generated more contacts and so more choice so I may try it on Hinge at some point too.

Feeling a bit jaded by it all this weekend. Chatted to a couple of guys but was very hard work!

I'd be up for a meet up when we all can. I'm London based

Omg, I've just seen a man called 'Suzy' on Bumble. Is this the same one? No women's clothing in the photos though!

A friend of mine met a lovely man on Elite Singles.

I'd be up for a meet up when we all can. I'm London based

^ same

I liked Tinder best as there’s a lot of men on there and...variety (Susan, I’m looking at you...). I met a gorgeous man on Tinder two years ago, we dated for a while but now we’re just slightly naughty friends. He’s just become a grandad, which he’s having an existential crisis about, but to me he’s still sex on legs.

I met my current partner on Fabswingers 😳

I am so intolerant now of crass men on dating sites. I honestly don't think I'll ever be able to be in an actual relationship again. I'm 53, intelligent, witty on occasion, fun and lots more. I'm currently on Bumble but have been On lots of others on and off over the last 5 years or so.
But I'm so sick of the crap, the lying, the being stood up, the whole twattery of men.
The latest tonight, a man whose profile said he was looking for his best friend and soulmate ( normally I'd bypass that but he was fairly local and had very similar interests listed to mine so I thought I'd have a go )
We matched and started messaging, on the 3 rd messsge he said he was 'highly sexed' could come 5 times in 3 hours and could never BE with a women who couldn't have lots of orgasms.
Then he messaged me his number, told me to send him some photos and then we could web cam to see if we were compatible!!!

I met my partner at 49 on a dating site. We met up a few weeks after chatting and have never been apart since. Everything just clicked. We were supposed to have been getting married this year but unfortunately had to cancel due to covid, but have rebooked for next year. I had several dates before meeting him, they were all fine, but I knew that they weren't for me.
I was very dubious that online dating would be for me, having not dated since I was 19 when I met my ex husband, but I'm now really happy that I braved it as I would never have met my fiancé without it.
Don't give up on it, just be choosy, have fun and good luck

@IndieTara ugh, how weird! I always delete anyone who is very pushy about talking on the phone immediately. I know lots of people like to but it's really hard for me to do that with the teens around ... let alone a webcam! 

@Overwhelmed222

@Fiftyandmore I am on Match as two friends did meet people on there so they recommended it. I have had more luck on Tinder & agree a lot of people are on numerous sites.

I am also London based & would love to meet up as & when we can.

May I join? You had me at Susan.
Im 52 and finished a relationship last Dec due to his moods when drinking. I am still a bit heartbroken as he has moved on but getting there. I also have a mild disability to contend with. I think my self esteem is ok but it is sure being put to the test by online dating. You really have to have a thick skin.
Im on tinder and bumble. Quite a few messages. Mostly the usual "hi" and "hey" and "do you wear stockings?' I have been called an old 'c**t' when I refused to get into sex talk.
Another man sent me messages that literally make no sense. He even asked me if I was milking cows. I started wondering if it was code for something!
I managed to move a few onto whattsapp.

1. Meeting him this eve for a drink. Seems nice. Funny, well paced out messages.
2. Copper. Messages v one sided. Has just messaged to say Im not the one for him. Blocked now to stop any weirdness my side.
3. Younger man aged 42. Seems ok but lack lustre.

Thats about it. Do others feel keeping esteem high is a challenge among rejections from lets face it, very ordinary men?

If you were a car, what would your dating app advert read?

I'm not too far away from London so will happily travel there when (see I said "when" not "if"!) we plan our meet-up!

Glad you've joined us @Greyandrare123. I'm so pleased that lots of us are sharing our experiences about OLD on this thread. Obviously, we women only see the men on there so I've often wondered if there are women of a similar age to me trying it, and if so, what their take on it is. It does sound as if many of us are having similar issues. I'm really heartened to hear stories of success - but also (and sorry if this makes me sound awful, I promise I don't mean it to), a bit sad. I only say that because I just cannot imagine, having now tried this for about 6 weeks, finding anyone!

I find it really difficult to understand why someone would go to the effort of messaging you, and then quickly descend into either one word replies, or reply but not ask any reciprocal questions, or cross the line straight away, or show themselves to have no get up and go.

One man who contacted me had an interesting profile and an interesting sounding job. But convo proved uninspiring and we quickly got into the boring "hi, what have you been up to today?" type stuff. I gave up after about 3 days when all his answers were things like "I'm having a lazy day today", "I've done nothing at all today, ha ha", "zilch, ha ha!"

And then there was the supposedly "polite and respectful" man whose second message asked if I was curvy because he was a boobs man.

I have it on my profile that I have a problem with speaking on the phone and I appreciate that for many people this would be a dealbreaker - the number of people who ask for my number to ring me, or try to push me into a call, or throw insults at me for saying that is interesting!

And then there was the one who I gave my number to, and within 24 hours was having a go at me for not replying quickly enough, for obviously having conversations with other men, for obviously being not as honest as him. When I politely defended myself, he told me I was one of those types who needed their egos massaged and who was very materialistic and whereas he may not have much money, at least his values and morals were sound unlike mine. Did I say all this was within the first 24 hours!

Susan is looking a better and better prospect by the minute! Even if he didn't want me!

@Fiftyandmore I look at it this way. The real intention and the real person tends to unravel itself quite quickly on these apps. When I get 'cat got your tongue?' or similar I just delete. I almost prefer the ones who only answer sporadically. I do swipe anyojne who isnt obviously a potential nightmare. The usual are avoided 'princess talk, life of hard knocks, spoiling women' . These are avoided. I should have deleted the copper quickly before he did me as he was moaning about his ex wives and access to his son. Saying his son wwanted to live with him etc. Some issues there and we hadnt met.