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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Guess what the catch is

275 replies

GoneAndDoneItAgainAgain · 10/09/2020 20:50

I’ve been chatting to a friend of a friend on and off for a few months about a mutual interest. A couple of weeks ago he asked me out for dinner, I agreed and we had a really lovely evening, loads in common and we’re seeing each other again this weekend.

He’s mid 40’s (11 years older than me), divorced but apparently amicable with ex, very highly educated and has a professional, well paid job. He’s good looking, he’s funny, he’s easy to talk to, he’s incredibly intelligent and has been single for over a year since his last relationship.

What do you think the catch is? Am I missing something really obvious? Why would someone like him be single and why would he be interested in me? I’m not being all false modesty or anything but he’s way out of my league in terms of looks (not personality, I’m fucking adorable). I’m guessing micro penis.

OP posts:
FrustratedC0ffeeDrinker · 13/09/2020 21:56

Nano penis? Grin

Unseeliequeen · 13/09/2020 21:58

Maybe into you because of the age gap and will leave you in 10 years time for someone younger? How old is the ex?

BadEyeBri · 13/09/2020 22:01

Dear god some of the comments Hmm
Go with it OP. Enjoy yourself. For now who cares what the catch is, enjoy shagging Dr Henry Cavill. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit jealous

blisstwins · 13/09/2020 22:03

Get out of here. I have no idea what you look like, but you are smart and fun. Get over this feeling and see where it goes.

Anordinarymum · 13/09/2020 22:13

Or perhaps he is just a really nice man who does not want to rush into relationships that eventually run their course ?

TwentyViginti · 13/09/2020 22:26

Fucking hell, he was an amazing shag though!

Exactly what our late Queen Victoria said after her first night with her Dear Albert.

Great update OP! Grin

iMatter · 13/09/2020 22:27

Stop doing yourself down!

Please.

You are funny and smart and he likes you.

Go with the flow and enjoy Smile

hesaidshesaidwhat · 13/09/2020 22:29

Looked into my crystal ball he's controlling. He goes on a date but has to go off to do some work (really on a Sunday). He likes to feel important and is showing you how important his job is, likes to be in control. Find out why he's divorced, who instigated and why. Also how often does he see his children and on whose terms does he see them? His, because he's so busy working or does he move a mountain to see them.

Welshgal85 · 13/09/2020 22:34

Fucking hell some of the comments on here! Hmm seriously, not all men are out to betray us!

Good for you I say OP glad you had a great day and amazing shag! Please don’t put yourself down, you seem like a lovely person to me! Hope it all continues to go well

morefun · 13/09/2020 22:37

simone1863 I think your pronunciation of micro penis might catch on. Just spent a merry few moments saying "miCROPenis" to myself and giggling. Will take that one out in public soon.

Original poster
GoneAndDoneItAgainAgain · 14/09/2020 07:50

morefun me too. I’m going to try my hardest to shoehorn miCROpenis into a conversation as soon as I can.

hesaidshesaidwhat it genuinely was something he needed to do. It was a kids competition that he’d set with some colleagues over lockdown and they did the awards yesterday. He’d sent me the link before the date apologising that’s what he had to do, it really wasn’t bullshit. He has his kids 50% of the time and seems absolutely devoted to them (easier to lie about though, I guess). I’m not sure how I’d find out about his divorce. I don’t think I could really ask mutual friends as I’d look like a stalker but they’ve all kept in contact with him rather than her which I guess is a fairly good thing. No sign of him being controlling either.

OP posts:
Beamur · 14/09/2020 09:42

Glad you had a good weekend.
You sound like a really nice person and are funny and engaging.
See where it goes with this chap. I wouldn't try and find out about the divorce. How he talks about his ex and his kids should tell you a lot.

fuandylp · 14/09/2020 09:46

Just see what happens, upthread you said you just wanted a good shag now and then preferably with someone who isn't a psycho.
Well you've had a good shag now and he hasn't given any indication that he is a psycho yet - though we do need to know more about the weird sex swimming noises.

letsdolunch321 · 14/09/2020 10:16

Try not to over analysis, there are some decent blokes out there. Fingers crossed you've found a decent one.

Wherearemymarbles · 14/09/2020 10:40

Reading these some if these comments you’d think the MN coven takes it as a personal insult any time a woman meets a nice man who is good in bed

fuandylp · 14/09/2020 10:48

Reading these some if these comments you’d think the MN coven takes it as a personal insult any time a woman meets a nice man who is good in bed

To be fair, the OP began the thread with the question "guess what the catch is?" so it's to be expected that people would then think of things that could be wrong with the guy.

workhomesleeprepeat · 14/09/2020 11:19

OP I’ve only read your updates, but omg, I thought I was never see anyone more cynical and negative than me! This is exactly what I said about my current partner, he is so perfect he must have a micropenis!

Happy for you that you’ve had a nice shag with a non micropenis. Now to just stop being such a Negative Nancy, life is more fun if you’re not constantly anticipating disaster I promise Wink

workhomesleeprepeat · 14/09/2020 11:20

^’would never see’ pissing autocorrect

YukoandHiro · 14/09/2020 11:30

Any kids?

YukoandHiro · 14/09/2020 11:31

He's dating younger (by 10+ years) so maybe kids has been the deal breaker for other women who want them or don't want them at all.

You have them already. So no catch for you. Sounds perfect

Original poster
GoneAndDoneItAgainAgain · 14/09/2020 15:30

I see being divorced with kids to be a good thing for me. Having kids means that he realises that they’re always going to be the priority, I think that’s difficult for men without kids to fully appreciate. Also I definitely don’t want anymore kids so him already having them stops that being an issue. I think being divorced is easier too - he (would hopefully) understand that ex is always going to be in my life and not get shitty about it. Different stroke and all that.

OP posts:
WhenPushComesToShove · 19/09/2020 11:31

You go girl! Dr Henry Cavill who's lovely and a great shag (and well equipped) is beyond my wildest dreams. Enjoy every moment OP

Sockmonster23 · 19/09/2020 11:59

10/09/2020 20:58 Aquamarine1029

I would just watch out for any red flags. Controlling, narcissistic, emotionally unavailable, selfish, etc. For now, just have fun.

Amicable with his ex is a good sign! My ex was all those things to me although emotionally very available but in a Narcissistic way and I will say they are hardest to spot yes and hard to explain How they abuse you as so covert and drip drip type abuse , but he wasn’t amicable with his exes they were either depressed/cheated on him and how awful he was to his exes and I found out more after I fled him scared confused and very very broken! If he is amicable with his ex then that’s good. Not many stay amicable with an abuser/bully/narcissistic type quite the opposite.

Therollockingrogue · 19/09/2020 12:05

This thread is horrible.
Just awful.
If this was a thread by a man and the suggestion was that she had a capacious fanny, the thread would be shut down. My god I’d take a micro penis over an unkind man any day.

Appledaze · 19/09/2020 12:11

@Therollockingrogue

This thread is horrible. Just awful. If this was a thread by a man and the suggestion was that she had a capacious fanny, the thread would be shut down. My god I’d take a micro penis over an unkind man any day.
I totally agree. I think it's disgusting and unkind.