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Original poster

Guess what the catch is

275 replies

GoneAndDoneItAgainAgain · 10/09/2020 20:50

I’ve been chatting to a friend of a friend on and off for a few months about a mutual interest. A couple of weeks ago he asked me out for dinner, I agreed and we had a really lovely evening, loads in common and we’re seeing each other again this weekend.

He’s mid 40’s (11 years older than me), divorced but apparently amicable with ex, very highly educated and has a professional, well paid job. He’s good looking, he’s funny, he’s easy to talk to, he’s incredibly intelligent and has been single for over a year since his last relationship.

What do you think the catch is? Am I missing something really obvious? Why would someone like him be single and why would he be interested in me? I’m not being all false modesty or anything but he’s way out of my league in terms of looks (not personality, I’m fucking adorable). I’m guessing micro penis.

OP posts:
DontBelongHere · 12/09/2020 08:51

I’m an emotionally scarred, self sabotaging underachiever who desperately tries to find fault with everyone. I’m 99% red flags

Don't open the date with this. And try not to mention the moral bankruptcy until date 3 or 4 if possible.

Hotwaterbottlelove · 12/09/2020 08:57

Well for me it would be that he is old, divorced and has children. Thoes are the catches. But if they aren't for you then that's okay.

However, I wouldn't recommend you enter into any relationship where you start off feeling so inferior to them. It's a dreadful starting position, especially if he is aware of it. Your language about yourself is so sad.

greysome · 12/09/2020 11:07

Maybe a case of different catches for different people? Him being divorced and having kids would he catches for me, but obviously not for you. When I met my DP, I felt the same, that he seemed too good to be true and how could he be single?! However when I look at it objectively there are definitely things about him that would be catches for others (doesn't earn a lot, has travelled and moved around a lot for work which might make him seem flighty - he's actually not though!) but that weren't for me.

Maybe he's just the right fit for you? If you properly fancy him physically and intellectually you probably wouldn't care even if he does have a micro penis. Fingers crossed he's the good shag you're hoping for!

Grrrpredictivetex · 12/09/2020 11:27

He may well turn out to be your knight in shining armour and you're his princess. Enjoy whatever.

Ultrasingle · 13/09/2020 12:38

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

WhenPushComesToShove · 13/09/2020 12:59

Blatantly place marking. Perhaps he's got a massive whanger which no woman can accommodate - don't want to worry you or anything 😆

Techway · 13/09/2020 13:03

I don't think being single for a year is a red flag but why his marriage ended could be the catch.

Generally women remain in marriages especially with dc unless they are utterly miserable. If they leave it is often because they have no other choice. It's not 100% so he could be the exception but women often do most of the emotional work in a marriage.

Ex appears fantastic, I thought "what was the catch"..he has zero empathy but able to socially fake it. He is utterly selfish but when pursuing someone he is able to override that until he has commitment and the partner is trapped.

Longterm relationships need compromise, good communication and willingness to work through the stressful times. I would ask him what he thinks he has learned about himself and do differently.

A good sign is amicable Ex and relationships with his family..building strong bonds shows willingness to see others points of view.

I hope it's not micro pens.. had one of those and oh dear, so disappointing

Original poster
GoneAndDoneItAgainAgain · 13/09/2020 16:00

Im currently on a date with him. He’s had to go and do some work thing for half an hour or so(he had already warned me he had to do that). Still not spotted any real red flags. We had a swim in the sea which caused him to make some weird sex noises and his voice is a lot louder than I remember. That’s just me massively picking fault though and obviously not enough to put me off.

OP posts:
fuandylp · 13/09/2020 16:41

Why did swimming in the sea cause him to make weird sex noises??
That's where the catch is.... right there.
He's a lovely guy and all the rest of it but he makes sex noises while swimming. Revolting. Bin. LTB.

That said, I love wild swimming and I got chatting to a guy on a bus and he asked me out. As the conversation progressed, he started saying things like he'd never swim in the wild because it was too cold for him and he'd never sleep outside in a tent because it was too cold and he liked his bed.... so I then said I wouldn't go on the date with him as we obviously weren't well matched.

So if you've found one that likes wild swimming - great! We need to know more about the sex noises though.

Bunkbedpeople · 13/09/2020 16:55

@GilbertMarkham Grin wins thread

I agree with pps - eleven years is a big deal for some women? Plus the children. It would be an automatic no from me regardless of how good looking or successful he was - he just wouldn't be a catch for me.

It's more important to me that the guy I'm dating has no existing family commitments - but equally some women would probably dismiss him based on height or lack of degree ? So its each to their own

I agree with pps also that starting dating by seeing people as "catches" or in terms of "leagues" isn't helpful - Thinking that way stops you connecting or assessing the situation appropriately.

It's assessing whether or not they're a good fit emotionally and practically with your own set of lifestyle circumstances

Sssloou · 13/09/2020 17:06

His wife cheated and left him for someone else it’s all amicable....

I would need to investigate that a bit further.

simone1863 · 13/09/2020 17:11

Get him jumped FFS Grin

fuandylp · 13/09/2020 18:59

@simone1863

Get him jumped FFS Grin
That's presumably what she's doing right now. She updated to say they'd gone swimming and he was making sex noises. He went off to do some work thing. He's probably back by now and it can't be much longer until we find out about the size of his penis.
simone1863 · 13/09/2020 20:26

As an aside, I always pronounce micropenis like metropolis. Makes me laugh anyway Grin

TwentyViginti · 13/09/2020 20:34

He's probably back by now and it can't be much longer until we find out about the size of his penis.

What a shower of pervs we are! truly disgusting. (hope his size is acceptable to OP Grin)

Weird sex noises in the sea eh? Compare with the sex noises when he's actually having sex.

I always pronounce micropenis like metropolis

Genius! oddly satisfying. Unlike a micropeen, sadly.

GalaxyCookieCrumble · 13/09/2020 20:43

Micro Penis smells? What? Eh? Grin

Ernieshere · 13/09/2020 20:48

Oh god the swimming in the sea noises? Shock

"These are sex people Lyn"

(Alan Partridge)

BubblyBarbara · 13/09/2020 20:51

He could be an amazing guy but not want to have frequent sex. There’s another thread on here about sex frequency and lots of women complaining about men who don’t want to do it. Maybe that’s why they split up.

HerBigChance · 13/09/2020 21:11

@simone1863

As an aside, I always pronounce micropenis like metropolis. Makes me laugh anyway Grin
That's tickled me too! V funny
fuandylp · 13/09/2020 21:12

He could be an amazing guy but not want to have frequent sex. There’s another thread on here about sex frequency and lots of women complaining about men who don’t want to do it. Maybe that’s why they split up.

Or maybe he's sex-obsessed - after all, he manages to make swimming in the sea sexual with strange noises going on.

MitziK · 13/09/2020 21:17

She's still not reported back.

Guess that she's either finding out there isn't a catch - or there's a handsome, charming, solvent serial killer with a car boot smelling vaguely of seaweed by now.

Original poster
GoneAndDoneItAgainAgain · 13/09/2020 21:34

It’s not a micro penis Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
GoneAndDoneItAgainAgain · 13/09/2020 21:35

Genuinely lolling at pronouncing it like metropolis

OP posts:
SoulofanAggron · 13/09/2020 21:49

Oooooh, so, did you have/are you having a nice evening?

Please keep us updated. x

Original poster
GoneAndDoneItAgainAgain · 13/09/2020 21:54

I had a really, really lovely day with him, thanks. Then had amazing sex with him but then I had to kick him out as I’ve got the dc overnight.

I’m being very pragmatic and assuming it was just sex and that he doesn’t want to see me again, although he says he does. I don’t normally go into things thinking about ‘leagues’ and catches. Genuinely though in this case it’s a case of me being an average looking, mid 30’s mum of two and Henry Cavill with a phd, a sense of humour and a mutual niche interest suddenly shows up and seems interested in me. I think that would make most people think there’s something a bit odd going on.

Fucking hell, he was an amazing shag though!

OP posts: