Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Guess what the catch is

275 replies

GoneAndDoneItAgainAgain · 10/09/2020 20:50

I’ve been chatting to a friend of a friend on and off for a few months about a mutual interest. A couple of weeks ago he asked me out for dinner, I agreed and we had a really lovely evening, loads in common and we’re seeing each other again this weekend.

He’s mid 40’s (11 years older than me), divorced but apparently amicable with ex, very highly educated and has a professional, well paid job. He’s good looking, he’s funny, he’s easy to talk to, he’s incredibly intelligent and has been single for over a year since his last relationship.

What do you think the catch is? Am I missing something really obvious? Why would someone like him be single and why would he be interested in me? I’m not being all false modesty or anything but he’s way out of my league in terms of looks (not personality, I’m fucking adorable). I’m guessing micro penis.

OP posts:
fuandylp · 10/09/2020 21:46

x-posted!
Ok the wife left.
Well, maybe he's ok.

NiceGerbil · 10/09/2020 21:49

Why does there need to be a catch?

You've been chatting for months, get on, have at least one mutual interest.

He asked you out.

With you 11 years younger he might be asking the same question!

Cheesypea · 10/09/2020 21:49

Maybe hes into bdsm, it can be exhausting after a long day at work. Not to mention the cost of all the outfits.

NoProblem123 · 10/09/2020 21:51

Sorry - I’d be looking out for narcissistic red flags !

Too much too soon - red flag
Too much in common/mirroring - red flag
Lovebombing - red flag
‘You’re the perfect woman for him‘ - red flag
He’s had ‘only 2 lovers‘ - red flag
Etc, etc.

What’s his relationships like with his family ?
What friends has he got ?

ShebaShimmyShake · 10/09/2020 21:55

@Cheesypea

Maybe hes into bdsm, it can be exhausting after a long day at work. Not to mention the cost of all the outfits.
Nah, you can do it on the cheap and it's a great way to unwind.
Original poster
GoneAndDoneItAgainAgain · 10/09/2020 22:01

noproblem123 he hasn’t really done any of those things so far. He’s not claimed I’m his perfect woman, not been doing any love bombing and hasn’t really suggested anything about the number of previous lovers he’s had. We do have a lot in common as we have a mutual interest which isn’t really something you can bullshit to the level we were chatting about it at.

I think his relationship with his family is ok. He certainly seems devoted to his kids but that’s easy to lie about. I was introduced to him via my sister who is friends with his brother - she doesn’t know him well but his brother certainly speak highly of him.

I don’t think I particularly suffer from low self esteem. I don’t think I’m unattractive as such but I’m self aware enough to know that I don’t get attention due to my appearance. I think I dress quite stylishly and I can hold my own in a conversation but I can certainly recognise when a man has a much higher level of desirability (is that a word?) than I do.

OP posts:
TenDays · 10/09/2020 22:02

Maybe he rushed into a relationship straight after his marriage ended, and it went wrong and he's back on the market.

HowFastIsTooFast · 10/09/2020 22:09

Aaah I dated one of these. Mid 40s, Lawyer, absolute Gentleman, not bad looking, rolling in money, thoughtful, generous, gorgeous family-ready house that he took pride in keeping nice, all the trappings (yacht, Lamborghini etc)

Couldn't work out why he was single.

Turned out to be a Mummy's boy of Freudian proportions, and had a micro penis Confused

HowFastIsTooFast · 10/09/2020 22:10

Posted too fast... on the other hand current DP is just about perfect and haven't found the catch yet! Wink

GilbertMarkham · 10/09/2020 22:12

Maybe hes into bdsm, it can be exhausting after a long day at work. Not to mention the cost of all the outfits.

Between this and op's original "fucking adorable" self description, this thread is bringing the lolz.

Please shag him at your convenience op and report back if it's anything sexual.

If it isn't, you're just going to have to give it time to discover whether there is a catch and what it is.

Oopsiedaisyy · 10/09/2020 22:22

Yes, definitely, you must shag him now. If not for you, for us. We are now too invested.

Welshgal85 · 10/09/2020 22:26

It could be there is no catch! To be honest when I met DP I thought the same thing, I kept waiting for him to let me down or to reveal that he wasn’t as great as he seemed but... he is! I think my previous relationships and online dating experience had jaded me a bit and I couldn’t believe he was as lovely as he is! That was over 5 years ago and I couldn’t be happier!

I really hope this guy turns out to be as lovely as he seems OP, try and enjoy things and just see how it goes Smile

Dogladyxo · 10/09/2020 22:33

@Oopsiedaisyy

Yes, definitely, you must shag him now. If not for you, for us. We are now too invested.
LOL YES
EhUp · 10/09/2020 22:34

There may be no catch but the 'shit in bed' suggestion obviously can't be ruled out until you've slept with him

Don't leave it too long because it would monumentally disappointing to find this out after dating him for a significant amount of time

UnaCorda · 10/09/2020 22:37

@HowFastIsTooFast

Posted too fast... on the other hand current DP is just about perfect and haven't found the catch yet! Wink
But how fast is too fast?
Original poster
GoneAndDoneItAgainAgain · 10/09/2020 22:37

I have no intention of leaving it too long. I’m seeing him at the weekend and will report with a full analysis.

OP posts:
RiseoftheSeahorse · 10/09/2020 22:41

I’m calling porn addiction

Greeneyes78 · 10/09/2020 22:47

why does there have to be something wrong with him!

PunkStrumpet · 10/09/2020 22:49

Poor bloke! You lot can be unbelievable
sometimes. He's not had a chance!

yecannyshoveyergranny · 10/09/2020 22:58

Ah well obviously the ex left because of the micro peen and the sex dungeon.

SecretOfChange · 10/09/2020 22:59

I won't be able to sleep tonight ;)

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 10/09/2020 23:23

What if he has a smelly penis Blush that is the ultimate worst!!!!!!!!

Im sure he will be fine.. but please have your report on the desk Monday morning Grin

ALittleBitConfused1 · 10/09/2020 23:25

Bloody hell, maybe he is just an emotionally available man that after his last serious relationship decided to be single for a while. Some adults do take responsibility for their own emotional well being and prefer to repair themselves before waiting precisely 5 minutes and then jumping into another serious relationship.

My last relationship wasnt great. I needed time. I've purposely stayed single 3 years and always get asked, what's wrong with you, why have you been single so long.

I reply....The 1st year I spent putting the pieces back together. The 2nd I spent enjoying being single, yes I played around. The 3rd was spent contemplating what kind of relationship I might want, ensuring my bar was set high enough and asserting my boundaries.

I'm not a mummy's girl, I've dealt with my issues, I've worked hard on my mental well being, general health and career. I've spent many months making my house a home (and Im pretty sure my neck or arm pits dont smell either). Maybe that means there is something wrong with me, however I just like to think it means I'm a great catch.

Enjoy it, enjoy him, look out for the flags and take it from there, seriously...some of the responses on here.

VaggieMight · 10/09/2020 23:38

He's clearly not out of your league, unless there's something you're not telling. I'm confused why other posters think there's a catch. I bet he's over the moon to be dating someone who is eleven years younger.

yetmorecrap · 10/09/2020 23:53

Could be many reasons— I know of quite a few women with amicable ex relationships where affairs, sexting etc by the man have been found out , but they have remained friends — there are many reasons people split and factors that may really bother one person and be a dealbreaker but not another— so it may be there are no red flags ‘for you’ - and he’s a catch— whereas for someone else, not so much!!