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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Married 20 years, DH cheated on me with 20 year old man

280 replies

INCForThis123 · 10/09/2020 17:10

As my username says I’ve name changed for this post. I’ve been an active user on this site and I don’t want to be outed on here nor my DH.

I feel like I can’t tell anyone, I’m so embarrassed confused and upset.

My DH is 46 and I am 49. We have 4 children aged 21, 18, 16 and 12.

This has been going on since November last year. DH has a job in the city, it requires him to work long hours and often he will stay in a hotel if he has to work late. I mention this because behaviour that may be suspicious to others was never suspicious to me for this reason.

Since his office opened at the start of the month DH had said he had been making trips to the office once a week.

Three days ago a close colleague to of his had arranged for an evening bbq to celebrate a birthday. Just 12 people. I had mentioned about how bad it is for places in the city that rely on big offices like coffee shops and restaurants. I said at least DH is going to the office once a week. To the surprised look of the colleague who told me that the office had been completely closed and was only opening in the October. I said maybe their was an exception for DH. But apparently not. I tried to change topic quickly.

After the BBQ I mentioned this to DH and he broke down and admitted everything to me. He had began a sexual relationship with a 20 year old Male student from London.

I asked dh if he was gay, but he refused to answer. I went to bed crying my eyes out and Dh I think went to sleep in another room.

But DH left in the morning and I haven’t seen him. He text me to say he is sorry and staying in a hotel. But not answering calls or responding to texts.

I told the kids that he was needed in Germany on business. I can’t bring myself to tell them. The oldest is at her uni accommodation and the 18 year old is about to start university in two weeks. I pretend to be normal and happy in front of them. I just say I’m a little under the weather.

I don’t know what to do. Sorry for this long post. I just have so many conflicting emotions right now.

OP posts:
ThePluckOfTheCoward · 18/09/2020 10:56

Not to dismiss what your awful H (cannot bring myself to call him dear) has done, but I'm relieved for you that it is a curable STD and that he paid for DD's uni accommodation. That is two positive steps forward, two hurdles dealt with. You can do this Op 💐.

powkin · 18/09/2020 14:12

urgh, absolutely disgusting. Agree I wish it was a crime. If you believe you are in a faithful relationship and someone abuses that trust and gives you an STI fully aware of the fact they are having unprotected sex elsewhere then that to me is a massive consent issue and abuse of trust. He could have given you ANYTHING. Cunt.

tinseltitsandlittlegits · 18/09/2020 14:23

As if an affair isn't bad enough we are in the middle of a pandemic and he has put you and the kids at a terrible risk 😡
Seriously it will be hard but he's shown you he only thinks of his own selfish needs!

ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore · 18/09/2020 16:07

What a horrible man, to happily risk your health in that manner.

He should have left you years ago so you can find love elsewhere, instead of running around behind your back engaging in risky sexual behaviour while pretending he was an honorable husband and family man.

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 07/10/2020 15:11

Hope you are doing ok Op.

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