I wish I could punch you.

[FunorFitness]

Dp and I had a stupid row yesterday. I will detail it anyway just because I don't want to drip feed or anything later.

We were watching the F1 and talking about the colours of the tyres, I am a new fan and only started watching this year.

I mentioned that they only have 3 colours, red yellow and white. He insisted there were 7 colours (we agree there are additional wet tyres). Anyway he is getting really het up about it and gloating that he is right, he had watched F1 for 20 years why would do I think I know better than him when I have only watched this year.
So I say well I have only seen those 3 colours so far this year, and he says ohhhhh so if you haven't seen them they don't exist. So I say no, that's not what i said, I just said I haven't seen any other colour, which race were they in?

By this point he is being really quite nasty and blowing it up out of proportion, so I was trying to put it on more of a conversational tone by asking which race, letting him educate me and diffuse the situation a bit.

Well he said Monaco. And I said they haven't raced at Monaco yet.

So he stood up and said really nastily, I wish I could punch you sometimes.

Now he has 6 stone on me so to have him stood over me basically saying he wants to punch me is not acceptable so I told him to leave.

So the point of my post is that I feel like he crossed a line with that comment, I felt threatened, he is a good 6 an a half stone heavier than me, expressing a wish to punch me is just not on. Next time maybe he won't be able to hold back.

Am I over reacting? Is it just a throw away comment and I am twisting it? He didn't say he was going to punch me, just that he wished he could.

@netsybetsy

If this is the end for us,

It IS the end as I told you already dumbfuck!

I just want to let you no that you are my world I won the lottery and more when I got with you.

Yeah you did but like most lottery winners you've pissed it all away.

It blew my mind knowing you were mine, how can a fat lad losing his head get someone so beautiful. You were more than just looks tho you were the complete package.

Yeah you never know what you've got till it's gone.

I no we wasn’t perfect and we were off more than we were on

Yeah 'cos you were an arsehole. Difference is this time OFF is permanent.

but I loved you with all my heart

If that's what you call love, you must have a heart defect then - I'd get that investigated...

I no you loved me the same.

Not any more you assclown.

Whatever the future brings I hope you find your happiness.

Aw gee that's bighearted if you - you respecting my wishes for no contact would set me on the road to happiness for sure

I will always love you forever beautiful xxxx

Yeah whatever - just do it from a very long way away

That actually made me laugh, you lot keep helping me find the humour in the situation which I really appreciate.

I have a dirty double tonight, HIIT step and BeatBox. I'm slightly terrified and also a little excited. HIIT step is a new one on me, I have watched the end of it before though and I may need carrying out!

I also have these to keep me busy over the weekend. I am so determined to kick this relationship and also get my boundaries higher before I ever even think about dating again.

What’s BeatBox?!!

You must have a banging body OP and all those endorphins - you've got this!

www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/manipulator/manip.shtml

You may find this site helpful.

It was unacceptable of him to say that but it could have been heat of the moment. If he was going to punch you, he wouldn't be wasting time expressing it. I have been with my partner 10 years and sometimes we have said things to each other that would sound insane to others. You should definitely put it straight to him that next time he wants to be so expressive to think hard before he spits it it.

I wouldn't give up on him yet, and if your doubting that he may react then there's a underlying issue there also, maybe you don't feel safe around him.

Hope it all works out x

FFS, RTFT, All. He's an abusive POS. Anyone who stays with someone who says something like this is a dumb ass or conditioned to take abuse.

Fun, going back to this man means you're complicit in your own abuse. Don't let that happen.

Beatbox is the best, it's really bouncy club music and you do HIIT exercises for a bit and then when it's the chorus part and the beat kicks in you punch the bag in time to the music.

It's the kind of music I love when I go out anyway it literally never fails to make me smile, then the endorphins of the exercise it's like a double whammy of feel good.

Thanks for the link I have opened it for after dinner.

I want to read more about my the idealise, devalue, discard cycle that was mentioned in one of the links posted earlier too.

Really feel like I can do this

Oh that sounds brilliant! I must check if they have one local to me.

I really feel like you can do it too! Absolutely loving the parsing of twatbag’s messages - you’re right this should be a service.

I noticed earlier you said there was a lot of stuff you hadn’t mentioned on here and - combined with his sexual insults - that’s making me suspect he’s coercive in other ways too. I hope not obviously. But if so then it’s just another really good reason to avoid him FOREVER.

I am so cross with the way he has held his “years of devotion” as a stick to beat you with. Well you didn’t ask him to like you and he doesn’t care whether you like him or not clearly. Yet again it’s all about his Feelings.

funorfitness

re your comment:-
"Well I heard nothing over the weekend which was a relief. Then came into work this morning to an email.
A while week has past without seeing you or hearing your voice. I miss you so bad.
So I replied saying he is a nasty aggressive man and I am better without him. Please leave me alone".

Your mistake here re this email exchange was to at all respond to him. This should have been ignored. You need to block him from being able to contact you at all via work as well.

To such disordered of thinking types a response is the reward; he wanted a response and you gave him a response. He will continue to try and goad you into making a response; this is all par for the course for abusive men. A response too keeps the line of communication open when it should remain firmly closed. Ultimately you may well have to take out a non molestation order against him.

Please enrol yourself onto the Freedom Programme asap; you need this too.

Re your comment:-
" It makes me uncomfortable to see people struggling and I want to help them."

As nice as this appears to be on the surface it is a really flawed and problematic approach to people. Who taught you to become a rescuer or saviour in relationships?. Who made you a fixer here?. Most likely one or other of your parents. This mindset warrants looking at as well because you were indeed targeted by this individual as well as your abusive ex H.

No contact last night/this morning so maybe he has got the message now.

My friend goes home today so I will make a start on those books, The women's centre replied to say they don't offer the freedom program but they have given me a number to ring so I will do that later too . It's Weights day today so a good session in the gym with my PT, healthy body - healthy mind so they say.

Feeling positive!

You're bad for each other. You enjoy winding people up too.

It won't be long before if he contacts you you feel nothing except the mildest irritation for a fleeting moment then totally forget about him.

After those books I recommend any books or courses on truly knowing who you are, what you want, what you value deep down. Many codependent people have a shaky sense of self.

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/lwd.php

I would also urge you to read "Living with the Dominator" by Pat Craven.

@TorkTorkBam you mentioned something about critical thinking (I think that was the term you used) on another/this thread.. do you have any recs for books to start with on that? Or even courses? It sounded fascinating and very useful!

I will have a look for something along those lines on Amazon thanks.

I have Living with The Dominator ready to go this weekend.

You're doing so well OP.

Enjoy the gym.

From experience- end it now before it goes to far and you end up stuck! I wish I did this many years ago as soon as he said a comment out of line but I ended up stuck financially and physically for a while ! Xx

Definately read up on narcissistic hoovering tactics. That way you can be on the lookout for what his next move might be. Melanie tonia evan's does good YouTube videos on narcissists, including one on 9 types of hoovering to look out for. I think she forgets an important one though - when they use mutual friends or your family to try and get to you (eg: crying about how sorry they are to mutual friends. Or telling your family they are 'worried' about you ect).

@spidermomma

From experience- end it now before it goes to far and you end up stuck! I wish I did this many years ago as soon as he said a comment out of line but I ended up stuck financially and physically for a while ! Xx

Have you RTFT?

@FelicityPike I don't know what you mean ?

[quote spidermomma]@FelicityPike I don't know what you mean ? [/quote]
If you had read the thread you would know that OP had indeed ended her relationship.

[quote spidermomma]@FelicityPike I don't know what you mean ? [/quote]
It means read the full/fucking thread. Because it’s hundreds of posts in. Don’t you think there’s even a small possibility that it’s moved on somewhat?