I wish I could punch you.

[FunorFitness]

Dp and I had a stupid row yesterday. I will detail it anyway just because I don't want to drip feed or anything later.

We were watching the F1 and talking about the colours of the tyres, I am a new fan and only started watching this year.

I mentioned that they only have 3 colours, red yellow and white. He insisted there were 7 colours (we agree there are additional wet tyres). Anyway he is getting really het up about it and gloating that he is right, he had watched F1 for 20 years why would do I think I know better than him when I have only watched this year.
So I say well I have only seen those 3 colours so far this year, and he says ohhhhh so if you haven't seen them they don't exist. So I say no, that's not what i said, I just said I haven't seen any other colour, which race were they in?

By this point he is being really quite nasty and blowing it up out of proportion, so I was trying to put it on more of a conversational tone by asking which race, letting him educate me and diffuse the situation a bit.

Well he said Monaco. And I said they haven't raced at Monaco yet.

So he stood up and said really nastily, I wish I could punch you sometimes.

Now he has 6 stone on me so to have him stood over me basically saying he wants to punch me is not acceptable so I told him to leave.

So the point of my post is that I feel like he crossed a line with that comment, I felt threatened, he is a good 6 an a half stone heavier than me, expressing a wish to punch me is just not on. Next time maybe he won't be able to hold back.

Am I over reacting? Is it just a throw away comment and I am twisting it? He didn't say he was going to punch me, just that he wished he could.

we are so busy trying to work out their feelings that actually we forget to pay attention to our own

I think this is an important thing to remember in the recovery process. You have forgotten how to think about yourself. When you first get rid you still think about his feelings too much. Later you stop thinking about his feelings. However, you will not necessarily have remembered how to care for yourself and will not be in the habit of it. There can be a vacuum, an emptiness, where you kind of don't know what to think or how to feel. Recognising where this comes from is important to not going back to him to fill the emptiness. Instead get back in touch with your own self

That is a very helpful post, I think you are absolutely right. It's amazing how insightful you are. I am going to give myself permission to binge box sets for a week or so and just let myself be a zombie and not have to think about anything outside of work.

@Iggypoppie

It will get easier. And your future self will thank you for staying strong.

This with bells on!

💐

@FunorFitness

When we have broken up in the past I have worried about what he is eating, if he is sad, has he gone to work.

He evidently doesn't worry about me, just himself. Well it doesn't need two of us to worry about one grown up does it.

I commend this Wendy Cope poem to you:

I Worry

I worry about you---
So long since we spoke.
Love are you downhearted,
Dispirited, broke?

I worry about you.
I can't sleep at night.
Are you sad? Are you lonely?
Or are you all right?

They say that men suffer
As badly, as long.
I worry, I worry,
In case they are wrong.

@FunorFitness

I feel so stupid ending a relationship over tyres but it was his reaction, he was so mad and going all red faced and blustery, totally out of all proportion to the subject.

You're not ending it over tires. You're ending it because some one you like/love, some one bigger and stronger then you, stood over you in YOUR home and told you they wanted to punch you.

I had another email last night to both home and work emails, just saying he loves me.

I opened and closed that email so many times wondering if i should respond. I didn't. I held firm and I feel much better for it today.

I wanted to point out how he hasn't even apologised, or acknowledged what went wrong. i am still angry a little that he has swept it under the carpet and I am left feeling like the bad guy who ended it for nothing and am causing him all this pain.

I am proud of myself for standing my ground. This is the longest we have ever not spoken.

LOL he isn't in pain!!!

He just wants his victim back...

TBH I would contact the police and let them know he is harassing you and could they have a word before you make a formal complaint....

I agree, he’s not in pain. He’s lazily trying all his usual tricks to reel you back in. You know he hasn’t given one second’s thought to how you feel, because he fundamentally has no respect for you and thinks of you as dumb and easily manipulated by his pathetic weasel words.

Fuck him and his “pain”.

Also you know that all your friends and family on both sides know the score and will not see you as the bad guy. They think he’s ridiculous.

You’re not the bad guy. He needs to get a grip.

@RandomMess

LOL he isn't in pain!!!

He just wants his victim back...

TBH I would contact the police and let them know he is harassing you and could they have a word before you make a formal complaint....

I think I’d do the same. You’ve told him to stop, you’ve blocked him, you’ve had his emails moved to spam AND he still continues. It’s slowly getting harassing.

You are being so strong op. Your doing the right thing. He is only caring and thinking about himself and his feelings and that won't change.

Day 2 for me OP after he blocked me yesterday morning.. i hope I can stay as strong as you as I just know I will hear something again at some point. I still can't get over how simular our situations sound

You're not ending a relationship over tyres, you're ending it over his unacceptable behaviour.

Say strong. You've done the right thing

He loves you. Well, yeah, you know that. Apparently he thinks that gives him a free pass to be a dick to you and you are not allowed to complain.

For people I love I think about what makes them happy. I think he is confusing love of you and love of possessing you.

@Chooseanametouse Day 2, keep it going will soon get to day 22 and then week 22 and be free. I know its tough but you can do it. Just shows how many of these horrible men are out there.

You all see through him straight away. I have been wavering on and off all night thinking maybe he will have changed now he knows i am serious. BUT I caught myself on. I don't even want a relationship with him, I am happier without him, I genuinely can't think of one single reason to back down except that he wants me to. What is actually wrong with me that I would consider making myself miserable because it is what someone else wants, and not even someone important like my kids or my family, just some horrible abusive bloke.

All of his behaviour since the split demonstrates that he has NOT changed. It is all about him, all about his needs and he repeatedly ignores what you want, e.g. emailing work, no apology, no self-reflection.

How are the messages getting through? Can you block him more effectively?

I didn't bother to block the second email address although I think i need to actually. He hasn't made any additional ones though so he must have just had two. I have 3 email addresses myself, not quite sure why!

Stay strong op. You're doing wonderfully.
Definitely don't reply to his emails. there's basically no point in pointing out how self absorbed and arrogant he is because he doesn't see it. And he is RIGHT. It doesn't matter what you say. So no point wasting your breath!
Hope your DC is doing ok and you too. Stay strong lady! You've got this

Block him. He is not worth the angst. You wasted too much time last night thinking about him.

He's being a right creepy weirdo. It's very much going into harassment territory now.

He's now added to junk. I am not wasting another evening on him.

Its the dirty double tonight anyway so I won't even be able to lift up my phone!

I have roped another sister in tonight, she is going to hate me tomorrow. Its HIITSTEP and Beatbox.

Good on ya op. Have a fun evening!

He just wants you back in line OP. He believes he's given you enough time to let off steam and it's time you were back where you belong - under his thumb. That's the usual dance you two have done on the past.

This time you're serious. I don't think he believes that yet, but he will bloody well have to.

Draw a mental line when you will decide to report him officially for harassment. It puts you in control. He can't be allowed to keep doing this to you and get away with it.

I a surprised how many of you would consider this harassment. I am judging by my exes standard though and he was ridiculous, 47 different facebook messenger accounts I had to block, i couldn't have my house phone plugged in because it rang constantly, turning up outside my house and so on.

Compared to him this is merely a slight annoyance and I think that is why I never saw him as abusive, because he never even made it onto the scale of the ex.

See, if that was me and my partner, we'd discuss it - maybe even argue if one of us was in a bad mood haha - but if he stood up and said something like that, he would be out. It's unacceptable.

In fact, I can't even imagine getting worked up about that kind of conversation. If I turned out to be right about something he supposedly knew so much about I'd probably end up being stupid and dancing around saying I knew more about F1 than him (clearly not true) and he'd tell me to fuck off jokily with no malice in it, and I'd sit back down and we'd move on.

For that situation to have played out the way it did takes a very specific type of person, and excuses shouldn't be made for him, not at all.