I wish I could punch you.

[FunorFitness]

Dp and I had a stupid row yesterday. I will detail it anyway just because I don't want to drip feed or anything later.

We were watching the F1 and talking about the colours of the tyres, I am a new fan and only started watching this year.

I mentioned that they only have 3 colours, red yellow and white. He insisted there were 7 colours (we agree there are additional wet tyres). Anyway he is getting really het up about it and gloating that he is right, he had watched F1 for 20 years why would do I think I know better than him when I have only watched this year.
So I say well I have only seen those 3 colours so far this year, and he says ohhhhh so if you haven't seen them they don't exist. So I say no, that's not what i said, I just said I haven't seen any other colour, which race were they in?

By this point he is being really quite nasty and blowing it up out of proportion, so I was trying to put it on more of a conversational tone by asking which race, letting him educate me and diffuse the situation a bit.

Well he said Monaco. And I said they haven't raced at Monaco yet.

So he stood up and said really nastily, I wish I could punch you sometimes.

Now he has 6 stone on me so to have him stood over me basically saying he wants to punch me is not acceptable so I told him to leave.

So the point of my post is that I feel like he crossed a line with that comment, I felt threatened, he is a good 6 an a half stone heavier than me, expressing a wish to punch me is just not on. Next time maybe he won't be able to hold back.

Am I over reacting? Is it just a throw away comment and I am twisting it? He didn't say he was going to punch me, just that he wished he could.

Oh wow. Don't need be rude i read she ended it bht it's easy to end it the hard part it's keeping it that way if their an abuser !!! Just saying been their done that hope she sticks to her guns. Good luck op x

The bit about him a being a fat lad was purely yo garner sympathy and suck you back in.

If he felt he'd won the lottery, then he should have cherished you like a rare gem.

Instead he decided to bring you down calling you horrible names and attempting to erode your self esteem because of his insecurities.

He's insecure and knows you can do a whole lot better, which is why after his nastiness, you also get lavished with complements. It's done to keep you off balance...because if he kept up the nastiness all the time, he knows he would have been long gone... so he does (or did) just enough to keep you coming back.

It's like the behaviour of married men in affairs...when the OW is getting fed up with the promises that never come true and wants to end it...he will shower her with attention and tell her more lies. More future faking... they do this because they need to keep the OW...it's not that easy to get a new OW.. so he puts his all into keeping her hooked.

Your Ex knows that getting another woman he can treat like this isn't easy... so he would always try to keep you, after calling you all sorts and making you doubt yourself.

He knows exactly what he's doing at those times.

You're well rid of him...stay strong.

BTW... you can do the freedom program online. Its £12.

With covid 19, they are also doing groups eith other survivors of DA online via zoom/video which can be really helpful.

Totally @SandyY2K and I bet it’s the kind of fishing for sympathy which has worked in the past with OP who clearly has a kind heart.

@FunorFitness

I feel so stupid ending a relationship over tyres but it was his reaction, he was so mad and going all red faced and blustery, totally out of all proportion to the subject.

You wouldn't be leaving him over tyres - you'd be leaving him over his threat of violence, @FunorFitness.

I meant to add - you are so strong, and deserve the happiest of lives!

@WitchWife

Totally *@SandyY2K* and I bet it’s the kind of fishing for sympathy which has worked in the past with OP who clearly has a kind heart.

It has definitely drawn me in before. I couldn't usually ignore him putting himself down without offering reassurance. But I am learning!!

And in other news .... Tonight I squatted my own body weight. I am so excited about it 🏋🏽‍♀️

But I am learning!!

Excellent.

And in other news .... Tonight I squatted my own body weight. I am so excited about it

That's brilliant. Well done!

I can see that he was getting more and more jealous of how fit you were getting and his insecurities increased, as he feared losing you.

I meant to say earlier...the comment from his friend who said your Ex has hardly been in the gym made me laugh. I think he did those things in a bid to seek attention...but a grown adult making ask the comments you mentioned...slagging you off with derogatory comments on FB is just so immature.

There was nothing yesterday so that was nice, had an email to my work address this morning just saying Miss you xxxx. I haven't even opened it and have no intention of responding. I think that is the quickest way to shut it down, he will get bored if he isn't getting a response.

My friend is coming back to stay again tonight for the weekend so she will keep me from backing down. I still think about him every day but I wouldn't say I miss him. I don't know if that makes any sense?

@SandyY2K

But I am learning!!

Excellent.

And in other news .... Tonight I squatted my own body weight. I am so excited about it

That's brilliant. Well done!

I can see that he was getting more and more jealous of how fit you were getting and his insecurities increased, as he feared losing you.

I meant to say earlier...the comment from his friend who said your Ex has hardly been in the gym made me laugh. I think he did those things in a bid to seek attention...but a grown adult making ask the comments you mentioned...slagging you off with derogatory comments on FB is just so immature.

Oh yes he is a laughing stock amongst his friends on Social Media, he thinks he is making me look bad but he is just making himself look an idiot airing his dirty washing all over the place.

Those people aren't offering sympathy and supporting him, they are just waiting for the next juicy bit of entertainment.

Well done FunorFitness! Stay strong. He's going to use every tactic he can to get you back, but now you're seeing him for what he is: an insecure, selfish twerp.

The man does not respect a boundary does he? Still emailing work..

Nor does he ever think of you. That message could have been "I'm sorry" but no he sends a message telling you how he is feeling. Him subject. You object.

I had never noticed before but you are right, he is only ever focused on himself. Like am only in existence for his benefit.

He misses emotionally abusing you. That's all. Everything's about himself.

When we have broken up in the past I have worried about what he is eating, if he is sad, has he gone to work.

He evidently doesn't worry about me, just himself. Well it doesn't need two of us to worry about one grown up does it.

Well it doesn't need two of us to worry about one grown up does it.

Ain't that the truth! Just read your full thread OP and you're doing amazingly well, keep going

Think he worries about himself enough for two people anyway. And more.

@FunorFitness

When we have broken up in the past I have worried about what he is eating, if he is sad, has he gone to work.

He evidently doesn't worry about me, just himself. Well it doesn't need two of us to worry about one grown up does it.

Yeah I was like that once - a fixer, sentimental, pleaser - all comes from my childhood. Maybe work with a therapist or just use MN for support. This is our weakness and it's what abusers want to exploit.

You are doing amazingly well!

Well done OP. This man sounds like he could be dangerous in future especially when life stresses such as family arose. He sounds vindictive too. It's a scary combination.

Hope you are doing well today OP.

Thanks for thinking of me I am doing great today. I really feel confident that I have got this. I have NEVER ignored his attempts at communication before. It feels quite liberating that I have managed it this week.

Excellent to read OP.

Enjoy your weekend

@billy1966

Excellent to read OP.

Enjoy your weekend

Thank you, you too 😊

Really wonderful to read your update. It's great that you are keeping some solutions in place to stop you from softening and getting sucked back in. But I reckon that you probably have reached a point of no return, being genuinely fed up and no longer giving a flying fig.

Completely unacceptable. You're worth more than that.

OP, please keep posting.

It's so lovely and encouraging to others when poster's post from the the other side!!

Nothing warms me more than reading of other's achieving their very hard won wars and dreams