I wish I could punch you.

[FunorFitness]

Dp and I had a stupid row yesterday. I will detail it anyway just because I don't want to drip feed or anything later.

We were watching the F1 and talking about the colours of the tyres, I am a new fan and only started watching this year.

I mentioned that they only have 3 colours, red yellow and white. He insisted there were 7 colours (we agree there are additional wet tyres). Anyway he is getting really het up about it and gloating that he is right, he had watched F1 for 20 years why would do I think I know better than him when I have only watched this year.
So I say well I have only seen those 3 colours so far this year, and he says ohhhhh so if you haven't seen them they don't exist. So I say no, that's not what i said, I just said I haven't seen any other colour, which race were they in?

By this point he is being really quite nasty and blowing it up out of proportion, so I was trying to put it on more of a conversational tone by asking which race, letting him educate me and diffuse the situation a bit.

Well he said Monaco. And I said they haven't raced at Monaco yet.

So he stood up and said really nastily, I wish I could punch you sometimes.

Now he has 6 stone on me so to have him stood over me basically saying he wants to punch me is not acceptable so I told him to leave.

So the point of my post is that I feel like he crossed a line with that comment, I felt threatened, he is a good 6 an a half stone heavier than me, expressing a wish to punch me is just not on. Next time maybe he won't be able to hold back.

Am I over reacting? Is it just a throw away comment and I am twisting it? He didn't say he was going to punch me, just that he wished he could.

This time next week you will feel lighter than air with the freedom!

I wonder what he will try this week to get your attention. Flowers to the house?

@TorkTorkBam

This time next week you will feel lighter than air with the freedom!

I wonder what he will try this week to get your attention. Flowers to the house?

Tork is right, as usual!

OP...beware!👍

Billy I need it in writing about me being right for my teenagers.

I've been lurking and am really proud of you OP, you're doing brilliantly

I hate the LTB brigade, but I am firmly in that camp with this. Wanting to punch you over a minor disagreement is appalling. You know this would would be worse if there were serious disagreements. Wanting to punch someone has zero part in a loving normal relationship. You can't truly love someone and have the urge to punch them. Cut your losses and take no notice of any pleading and other shit. You have seen him for who he is and had a lucky escape.

@TorkTorkBam
You are fabulous.

Such wonderful wisdom, so clearly written.
So eloquently written.

I've come to a forum like this so late in my life...happily married for nearly 30 years and I find myself apoplectic reading the threads of lovely young women! so poorly treated by the absolute dregs of society.

IRL I never use bad language...its not me...I now find myself searching desperately for words to convey how appalled I am about tge treatment of so many wonderful women who come to MN.

I am so grateful for all that I have learned from posters like yourself post.

I am, an will, be a better support to those around me, who have alwsys sought me out for advice..

However, now being in my mid-late 50's, my boundaries are finally rock solid.....#🙏

Tork...there are half a dozen posters that I learn from regularly so thank you.

However, MN is great, I am constantly amazed at the random, fantastic advice.

Two daughters here..so grateful for the wisdom I am learning.

And...read Gavin de Berker's "The gift of Fear"...please, please.

Give it to your daughters.

It's a tenner🙏

@TorkTorkBam

Billy I need it in writing about me being right for my teenagers.

You could be the wisest person in the world .. but to teenagers you're always woefully out of date.

At least you know you've raised confident children!

OP this is fantastic news!!! Of course he won't give up yet but you sound rather Meh about the whole thing. Indifference is exactly the right thing for this situation. I don't think flowers will make a difference from him. At least I hope not!

He could send flowers, cake and a marching band but it wouldn't make a difference this time.

I think every time he blocked me and had a strop I cared a little bit less, every time he was awful to me, I cared a little but less and now I just don't have any emotion left for him.

I haven't cried at all over this. I just accepted it and it feels right and knowing you all are here cheering me on has been so amazing and a huge help.

@FunorFitness

He could send flowers, cake and a marching band but it wouldn't make a difference this time.

I think every time he blocked me and had a strop I cared a little bit less, every time he was awful to me, I cared a little but less and now I just don't have any emotion left for him.

I haven't cried at all over this. I just accepted it and it feels right and knowing you all are here cheering me on has been so amazing and a huge help.

🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

We are cheering you so hard.

The opposite of love is indifference, sounds like that is where you've reached!

He could send flowers, cake and a marching band but it wouldn't make a difference this time.

Who needs a matching band when you've got The Mumsnet Cheerleaders here? Whoohooo! 🎆📣🎉🎊🥳👏🏻👏🏻

@RandomMess

The opposite of love is indifference, sounds like that is where you've reached!

Absolutely 100% this!!!

Indifference is exactly what I feel. Just nothing.

Today I was struggling a little. It kind of hit me that actually it's for real and I am really truly putting an end to it. I know it seems silly because I knew that but it actually hit home today.

Then I got today's email on my work email too which I have asked him not to use.

'I need you back so bad I love you so much'

And I realised it's still all about him and what he wants or needs. I don't even think I am a real person to him, just the trophy to have on his arm.

Not once has he acknowledged what happened never mind apologised for it.

It's strengthened my resolve anyway. I feel a little sad still but I can see the situation clearly. I don't know if I am making sense?

Doesn't help that my year 11 has been sent home to isolate (his whole year group) and I just feel despair for him, he wants to go to college and uni and it feels like they will never pass their exams at this rate.

I think I am just having a down day. I am still not replying to that email though. I've got this! Craving the gym right now though.

I was just thinking about you!

Getting over stuff like this is a process - some days being better than others - but overall the graph will be going on the right direction.

You are doing great to keep those endorphins up. I am sorry for your kid. Save your kindness and sympathy for him and don't waste a second of it on your abusive ex.

Treat yourself like you would a dear friend who's going through a bad time. Treat yourself in some way. Watch that programme or movie that always makes you laugh.

You may find the following site very empowering:

https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/we-dont-realise-how-much-we-missed-ourselves-until-were-out-of-the-painful-situation//_

"Even though it’s the right thing when we finally exit the situation, we’ll still experience grief. It’s the loss of the hopes and expectations we invested. We thought certain things would happen or had ideas about who we thought we’d become. Some of us become so consumed by, for example, a relationship, that we don’t realise how much of our hopes, dreams and passions were put on pause. We might not like who we were in the relationship or situation. But it’s when we’re out of it that we often discover that behind the grief of the loss is relief."

Then I got today's email on my work email too which I have asked him not to use.

Still ignoring you're boundaries and upsetting you at your workplace.

'I need you back so bad I love you so much'

Me, myself and I - no change there then!

And I realised it's still all about him and what he wants or needs. I don't even think I am a real person to him, just the trophy to have on his arm.

Exactly! This is who he is. He doesn't get it and never will.

Not once has he acknowledged what happened never mind apologised for it.

Because he's a selfish (this can be many things, but for the purposes of this post it's an ARSEHOLE!)

It's strengthened my resolve anyway. I

Haha! He's digging his own grave with every email he sends. Maintain radio silence...

Thank you so much, everything you said is what I needed to hear. I feel like I shouldn't feel sad because I know ending this relationship is a GOOD THING but I think I am sad about what I wanted it to be and realising it never will be that, rather than sad at losing what it was.

I don't feel like I can talk about it with my friends is they are just like oh yeah, broke up again, sure. You will be back together next week. And I don't blame them for that because it has been true in the past.

So it really helps being able to process everything here ❤️

I think you'll find the Baggage Reclaim site very helpful. They also have podcasts and videos which are warm and like having your best mate giving great advise.

I've been there and I've cried and felt lonely even after dumping a violent arsehole and I knew I wanted to stay broken-up. I just kept putting one foot in front of the other and the good days got more and more frequent and I started to feel real freedom and happiness and learned to love life again.

I think you'll feel much better tomorrow OP - it's just a down day. Expect them and you won't be blindsided by them 🌺❤️

It will get easier. And your future self will thank you for staying strong.

Perhaps something else was bothering him...

But honestly the threat of violence is unacceptable... get out of there now!

This sounds spookily simular to my situation.. the guy would flip at the smallest of things, would say it was all my fault and his actions were twisted to make it they were actually my actions.. he too would block and delete me from all social media and then add me or unblock me days later. I have honestly lost count how many times he did this and how many times he "dumped" me then claimed he loves me.... is this the same guy??? Lol... i have just again been blocked this morning... i hope like you I can stay strong this time and keep him away..

@Chooseanametouse

This sounds spookily simular to my situation.. the guy would flip at the smallest of things, would say it was all my fault and his actions were twisted to make it they were actually my actions.. he too would block and delete me from all social media and then add me or unblock me days later. I have honestly lost count how many times he did this and how many times he "dumped" me then claimed he loves me.... is this the same guy??? Lol... i have just again been blocked this morning... i hope like you I can stay strong this time and keep him away..

We both deserve better than this!! Its hard to know if you are coming or going when they act like this isn't it, we are so busy trying to work out their feelings that actually we forget to pay attention to our own.

Good luck dealing with it, I hope we both have seen sense this time and stay free.

You are so right, I spent so much time trying to figure out why he's being the way he is, spent so much time trying to explain to him how he's making me feel.. but my feelings were never regarded, if anything I got called all the names under the sun and that I was crazy and mentally unstable etc and never once got and apology.. at least not a meaningful one.. was always a "sorry but you are crazy/nuts/paranoid/bla bla"

When you said every time he blocked you you cared a little less, i can totally relate to that.. after being blocked yet again this morning i don't feel hurt or sad like I used to

I've learned ocer the years that you should never find yourself explaining to someone why obviously hurtful behaviour is hurtful. If you do, you are dealing with someone with dark triad traits or similar. And you need to get away, fast.

They do 'get it'. They just don't want you to know this. They want you to think you are oversensituve/crazy/wrong ect. It's part of gaslighting.

Hope you manage to stay away from this horrible man pp. No one deserves these psychos in their lives.

Last summer I was at rock bottom with it all and i realised the other day, I have wasted a whole year on this. If I had stuck to my guns then, I would have been out the other side by now.

I hope you are realising the same, nothing will change, you are in this cycle for good unless you stick to your guns and get out. it wont stop any other way.

Mine even said, its us, its what we do. but I don't want to live like that.