Him or his ex

[Pinotgrigio33]

Hi...I'm new but could really do with some advice, especially to stop myself making a mess up of this situation.

I've been friends with a guy for a year or so who I met online. Initially we agreed we were too far away but we always kept in touch. I have always been more into him than he is me ☹

Recently we have been on couple dates.

My issue is his ex / or him. He has his kids most if the time and his ex just seems to do as she pleases. He is a good dad but he just can't seem to say no to her / have any backbone.

We were meant to meet tonight but his ex said she wanted to do something so he just went along with it... no real apology to me.

He just panders after what ever she wants...won't say he has plans if she needs to swap nights . He moans to me how bad she is but won't seem to do anything about it.

I guess I'm just sad about being let down again tonight.

Advice welcome please.

Thanks everyone! I'm feeling better. I blocked him on text but they still come through. I've not replied but I got one saying

" feeling really down ☹"

Boo fucking hoo I've felt down for the last year. It's like a child just trying to get attention any which way they can I've established.

I am almost certain the next thing will be something in the post again. Just got to stay focused.

What happened to him being happy to give you space?

What a whiney child he is.

Investigate why those messages are coming though. They shouldn't be. In the meantime delete anything he has sent. If you get a letter don't read it, bin it, burn it first if you can.

Health scare next I reckon, of him or someone close to him, so he needs your support and you would be such a big big meanie to not respond.

Oh it will be a huge tale of woe trying to reel you in.

His ego is so f*cking fragile! He has so used you so badly I am so hopping mad on your behalf!!!

As I said the usual story is how hard done by he is by his ex.....it's a real pity party. I bought it but would be interesting to get her point of view.

I'm okay now..I think. I can see it's attention seeking whiney behaviour. He knows I'm nice though and I do care about people if they are struggling....a downfall of mine.

Thanks random he really really has used me and abused my good nature.

You can see why she got rid of him. Nobody wants a clingy look-at-me toddler for a partner.

How are his texts coming through if he's blocked? You need to look into that.

If it carries on and you're actually serious about no contact, which you should be, then tell him once, explicitly that you want no contact so any messages will be considered harassment as you are moving on and don't want any communication at all.

You're clearly still very vulnerable to his bullshit, whether falling for it or just letting it get to you.

Have a look at the shark cage analogy to try and reduce the risk of this happening again.

And if something comes in the post, the second you realise it's from him put it back in the envelope / parcel. Walk to a public bin. Put it in there. Not in yours in case you're tempted. Don't read it. Don't give it the headspace. You need to break this cycle especially if you only met a handful of times?!

The texts show up as a notification for some reason even though they get filtered into spam

What phone do you have?

I've got a samsung

He’s playing a drama game , every single time you reply you are playing into it .
Remember he’s seen you twice in a year . TWICE Why would he feel down ? I make more effort to see my fucking dentist .
I’m sure you’re a nice person and you don’t want him feeling down but do his needs trump yours . I hope not

So proud of you OP - you've 100% done the right thing.