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Original poster

Him or his ex

339 replies

Pinotgrigio33 · 02/09/2020 18:22

Hi...I'm new but could really do with some advice, especially to stop myself making a mess up of this situation.

I've been friends with a guy for a year or so who I met online. Initially we agreed we were too far away but we always kept in touch. I have always been more into him than he is me ☹

Recently we have been on couple dates.

My issue is his ex / or him. He has his kids most if the time and his ex just seems to do as she pleases. He is a good dad but he just can't seem to say no to her / have any backbone.

We were meant to meet tonight but his ex said she wanted to do something so he just went along with it... no real apology to me.

He just panders after what ever she wants...won't say he has plans if she needs to swap nights . He moans to me how bad she is but won't seem to do anything about it.

I guess I'm just sad about being let down again tonight.

Advice welcome please.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinotgrigio33 · 09/09/2020 21:46

I called my friend category but it's when I'm sat here on my own I get upset.

OP posts:
Rgy3250999 · 09/09/2020 21:47

Be strong and to make it even harder to respond, turn off your phone and either go in the bath or have an early night? If you’re not working tomorrow or have spare time before work, leave your phone at home and go for a walk. Anything to avoid reading his texts or seeing that he has called.

You have let it all hinge on this ‘one last chance’ but if you look back at the last 6 months, he has treated you poorly all the way through.

He has an ex that he continues to have a relationship with and may have another chance with, he also has his children - you have nothing whilst you’re hanging on to him! You’ve only been able to see him twice?? This is a pen pal that tells you what you want to hear over the phone and gets you to swoon! You can’t possibly know him or trust him just by talking on the phone - his real life may be very different from the life he is portraying and as you’ve said, he’s an hour away so you’d never know.

There are millions of men in the world and online dating is incredibly popular - this won’t be the only man who makes you heart flutter but find one that gives you a real life and makes you feel that good in person. You’re worth so much more.

Original poster
Pinotgrigio33 · 09/09/2020 21:50

I don't think he will make contact. I've noticed previously I always end up apologising for nothing really....he's too stubborn.

I am very sad x

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 09/09/2020 21:53

Don’t be sad op, you’ve got rid of someone who was using you, he wasn’t interested you know that, you’ve always known that.

Freeing yourself up to get over him and meet someone who does want you is the best thing you could do for yourself.

Original poster
Pinotgrigio33 · 09/09/2020 21:58

Thanks bluntness...bloody hell this is so difficult though as my emotions involved. I I know it's the right thing to do logically.

Sorry for going on...don't want to cave ☹

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinotgrigio33 · 10/09/2020 01:04

It's done. He called so I said something called him out.

As expected he wasn't bothered about me really.

At least I know 100% what he thinks now. He tried to turn it on me saying I'm making him feel uncomfortable.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinotgrigio33 · 10/09/2020 01:06

Said my message earlier was bad....

Turned it all on me and said he had always wanted to see me up until then. No he hadn't.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinotgrigio33 · 10/09/2020 01:08

I couldn't help but be upset on the phone ☹ but said right let's leave it there then and went.

OP posts:
newnameforthis123 · 10/09/2020 01:20

Block and delete now. It's done, it's over.

Be relieved this ridiculous drama has left your life and now you get all that headspace back to use for things that make you happy and healthy.

If you don't block then he'll message you when he's horny / needs an ego boost and the cycle will start again.

Break it.

TorkTorkBam · 10/09/2020 01:21

Good for you. You did the right thing. He is a dickhead. Now you are free!

Original poster
Pinotgrigio33 · 10/09/2020 01:23

Do you know if you can tell you are blocked by text?

I feel shitty but glad I heard from horses mouth really. And it's my fault for making him feel uncomfortable!!

OP posts:
Dontletitbeyou · 10/09/2020 01:24

Well done . This is the best outcome for you . It doesn’t feel like that now , but it absolutely is . You said yourself he tried to turn it on you , yes , these types always do , they refuse to take any responsibility for their actions , like overgrown children . He’s not sorry he’s lied to you , and led you on , he’s annoyed that you have stood up to him .
Do not go back , do not call him up to apologise . If you do ,you are apologising to him ,for him treating you like you are nothing.
Leave this one alone now . Or your wasted year will turn into wasted 2 years , or 4 years.
He does not deserve you ,please , find someone who does

Original poster
Pinotgrigio33 · 10/09/2020 01:31

Then he tried to dismiss me by saying " we aren't even seeing eachother "

I would say leading someone on for a year promising all sorts insinuates you are kind of seeing eachother

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinotgrigio33 · 10/09/2020 01:33

Thanks for all the support...I need it! I know I'm going to be wobbly tomorrow

OP posts:
TorkTorkBam · 10/09/2020 01:37

Yeah well you definitely are not seeing each other now! What a wanker.

Block and delete. Why did you ask if he would know you blocked him? So what either way?

Original poster
Pinotgrigio33 · 10/09/2020 01:39

I was just curious about the blocking.

Tried to make out I didn't like him doing other stuff....not sure how he can say that as he's done other stuff for a year now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinotgrigio33 · 10/09/2020 01:40

But yeah all because of my uncomfortable phone call made him not want to see me.

I feel dilly for crying but hey ho

OP posts:
ExhaustedFlamingo · 10/09/2020 02:00

I’m cheering for you OP, well done!!!

I know you feel shitty right now but he’s been unfairly using you as an emotional crutch and stringing you along. You sound lovely and worth so much more.

You’ve done the hard bit, now stick to your guns. Imagine if you had met up - listening to him banging on about his ex constantly, your relationship would have been desperately unfulfilling no matter how sweet he is.

With time you’ll see you really dodged a bullet. Be proud of yourself - you did well to get shot of this loser.

Rgy3250999 · 10/09/2020 07:24

Well done Pinot! He’s shown his true colours and you can start to move forward and find someone who can’t wait to spend time with you because that’s what you deserve, not the breadcrumbs!

Original poster
Pinotgrigio33 · 10/09/2020 07:37

Thanks...feeling pretty crap and also embarrassed to ask him directly.

When I asked if he wanted to actually see me and was enthusiastic he just went silent. Very cowardly.. I had to say I take that as a no then. He said it seems that way.

I'm upset he has use me for so long with no intention of anything else and also how he turned the reasoning back on me as it made him feel uncomfortable!

Pathetic crying on the phone too.....

Then for him to kind of say I'm going OTT I don't think I was, just needed answers really. I can see he was keeping me at arms length to get the emotional support HE needed whilst managing down my expectations for anything else.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinotgrigio33 · 10/09/2020 08:19

Oh god I'm really upset 😢

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinotgrigio33 · 10/09/2020 08:24

And annoyed I wabt to have a go....but that would be a bad thing to do?

OP posts:
Rgy3250999 · 10/09/2020 08:52

Don’t lower yourself to his level. Walk away knowing you’re a decent person and he’s not. He doesn’t deserve you. Don’t keep allowing him to say and do things to hurt you. It’s hard but let this be it or your upset will continue and you’ll look back in years to come and wish you hadn’t wasted even more time on him. You won’t get the kind of relationship you want or deserve here and that is all that’s important. Why he did this, why he has treated you like this etc doesn’t matter now. Actions speak louder than words x

Wakemeupwhenthisisover · 10/09/2020 09:27

@Pinotgrigio33 you don’t want to have a go at him, what you want is for him to change his mind. I’m sorry but he’s not going to. You need to accept that whatever it is is over, block him and take some time to feel bad and go on that date with the other person who asked you out. It will take time but every day you’ll feel better and better. Don’t contact him again, not to shout at him to not do anything. Walk away now with your head held high.

TorkTorkBam · 10/09/2020 09:28

He loves the attention you give him. ANY contact is a reward. Calling him to have a go just proves to him how special he is. Do not do it.

You hurt him most by giving him zero attention. Zero. Block. Delete.

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